Funny Seeking Friendly Advice Poems
#funny
funny seeking friendly advice poems. Friendly advice and comments have been requested for these poems.
missjem56
Poem Published
Today 00:13am
Today 00:13am
Trans Reindeers With The Hump
Tis now the eve of december
A time to remember
NOT to watch tv
Avoid christmas ads, and emails
If anyone brings christmas into any conversation
Grunt audibly, then say "bah humbug!"
Then wander off, grumbling incoherently
Ironic that the first santa
Came to us from 11th century Turkey
Sounds like he was hatched!
Turkey, and santa, are you kidding me?
When santa lived in Turkey, he had no reindeer
And managed without for over 600 hundred years
Perhaps he used camels instead
Imagine six camels soaring into the night...
A time to remember
NOT to watch tv
Avoid christmas ads, and emails
If anyone brings christmas into any conversation
Grunt audibly, then say "bah humbug!"
Then wander off, grumbling incoherently
Ironic that the first santa
Came to us from 11th century Turkey
Sounds like he was hatched!
Turkey, and santa, are you kidding me?
When santa lived in Turkey, he had no reindeer
And managed without for over 600 hundred years
Perhaps he used camels instead
Imagine six camels soaring into the night...
#Christmas
#funny
#parody
#satirical
#surreal
11 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
29th Nov 2024 7:01pm
29th Nov 2024 7:01pm
A Distorted History Of Dance!
I was reminiscing one night
At myself, in my early thirties
And an assortment of work colleagues
On a night out
Eventually finding ourselves in a nightclub
I wasn't someone that boogied regularly
But i did have a hidden dance move
So when the right sort of tune was played
I entered the arena of the dance floor
And began to cossack!
I was unexpectedly applauded!
Anyway, quintessential to cossacking
Are strong legs, and good balance
I can't cossack now, but still test my crouching skills ...
At myself, in my early thirties
And an assortment of work colleagues
On a night out
Eventually finding ourselves in a nightclub
I wasn't someone that boogied regularly
But i did have a hidden dance move
So when the right sort of tune was played
I entered the arena of the dance floor
And began to cossack!
I was unexpectedly applauded!
Anyway, quintessential to cossacking
Are strong legs, and good balance
I can't cossack now, but still test my crouching skills ...
#dance
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#parody
#satirical
18 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
29th Nov 2024 2:07am
29th Nov 2024 2:07am
A Bit Of A Tall Story
Whilst at the supermarket
Just the other day
I purchased some super king sized eggs
For omelettes, in disarray
Unfortunately
When i cracked open the shell
A baby pterodactyl popped out, well
Perhaps
I could try a pterodactyl curry too
(Well i am 10%, chicken vindaloo!)
Or pterodactyl risotto would be nice
But i then looked into it's pleading
Yet quite scary eyes
And glad it couldn't yet fly
As i'd clipped it's wings, on the sly
And not wanting to appear rude
I decided to conjure it some food
Funnily enough, i...
Just the other day
I purchased some super king sized eggs
For omelettes, in disarray
Unfortunately
When i cracked open the shell
A baby pterodactyl popped out, well
Perhaps
I could try a pterodactyl curry too
(Well i am 10%, chicken vindaloo!)
Or pterodactyl risotto would be nice
But i then looked into it's pleading
Yet quite scary eyes
And glad it couldn't yet fly
As i'd clipped it's wings, on the sly
And not wanting to appear rude
I decided to conjure it some food
Funnily enough, i...
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#satirical #surreal
#satirical #surreal
25 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
26th Nov 2024 1:42pm
26th Nov 2024 1:42pm
Horseplay
just checked the heel of one of my boots,
and noticed it had come a bit loose,
so grabbed a small hammer,
lifted my foot up
as couldn't be bothered
to take my shoe off,
and started to hammer it back into place.
the strange thing here was
that i had a strange inclination
to neigh! 😏🙃😂
and noticed it had come a bit loose,
so grabbed a small hammer,
lifted my foot up
as couldn't be bothered
to take my shoe off,
and started to hammer it back into place.
the strange thing here was
that i had a strange inclination
to neigh! 😏🙃😂
#funny
#horses
#LifeAsAWriter #satirical
#LifeAsAWriter #satirical
23 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
23rd Nov 2024 5:25pm
23rd Nov 2024 5:25pm
Crying, But Not Crying (limerick)
There was a young lady
called Jemia
Her humour sometimes
could be dire
One day
for a joke
She wore
a great cloak
Whilst pretending to be
the Town Cryer!
by Jemia
called Jemia
Her humour sometimes
could be dire
One day
for a joke
She wore
a great cloak
Whilst pretending to be
the Town Cryer!
by Jemia
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#limerick #satirical
#limerick #satirical
41 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
22nd Nov 2024 2:38pm
22nd Nov 2024 2:38pm
Preferring The Horn
The pauper porpoise poet
Was a very poor porpoise indeed
As she spent all of her lobster money
On copious ammounts of mead
She read her poems at open mics
But her words were all at sea
Apart from one fine night, she got it right
And flipped her flippers with glee!
Some thought she was a dolphin
Which would really piss her off
And one even called her "Flipper"
She told him to foff!
Yet she found him quite attractive
He was a swordfish, well endowed
And when she saw how 'sharp' he was
Their marriage was avowed ...
Was a very poor porpoise indeed
As she spent all of her lobster money
On copious ammounts of mead
She read her poems at open mics
But her words were all at sea
Apart from one fine night, she got it right
And flipped her flippers with glee!
Some thought she was a dolphin
Which would really piss her off
And one even called her "Flipper"
She told him to foff!
Yet she found him quite attractive
He was a swordfish, well endowed
And when she saw how 'sharp' he was
Their marriage was avowed ...
#betrayal
#fish
#funny
#satirical
#surreal
32 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
19th Nov 2024 9:45pm
19th Nov 2024 9:45pm
Magnetism
I would like to be
As attractive as a magnet
I meet other magnets
But when we get close
It's like an invisible forcefield
Pushes us apart
Mayhaps my magnetic appeal
Is waning
As the only things i attract now
Are all rusty!
by Jemia
As attractive as a magnet
I meet other magnets
But when we get close
It's like an invisible forcefield
Pushes us apart
Mayhaps my magnetic appeal
Is waning
As the only things i attract now
Are all rusty!
by Jemia
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#parody #satirical
#parody #satirical
45 reads
1 Comment
missjem56
Poem Published
16th Nov 2024 2:55pm
16th Nov 2024 2:55pm
Very Close Encounters!
I was once propositioned by an alien
She was purple from head, to toe
I knew this, as i think she was naked
That's why i think she was a female of the species
Also, she had very long eyelashes, on all three eyes
How i ended up in the company of aliens
I can't quite fully remember
I was merely walking down a long, and lonely
Dark country lane in the early hours
Earlier that evening
I'd spotted something unnerving
In my local take-away
I was so horrified, i fled from the take-away
At the sight of some UFO'S...
She was purple from head, to toe
I knew this, as i think she was naked
That's why i think she was a female of the species
Also, she had very long eyelashes, on all three eyes
How i ended up in the company of aliens
I can't quite fully remember
I was merely walking down a long, and lonely
Dark country lane in the early hours
Earlier that evening
I'd spotted something unnerving
In my local take-away
I was so horrified, i fled from the take-away
At the sight of some UFO'S...
#aliens
#funny
#sex #surreal
#sex #surreal
53 reads
0 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
15th Nov 2024 10:26pm
15th Nov 2024 10:26pm
"Unfolding The Jaded Leaves"
I
once
knew
A
person
That
could
charm
The
knickers
Of
a
Sprout!
by Jemia 😏
once
knew
A
person
That
could
charm
The
knickers
Of
a
Sprout!
by Jemia 😏
#funny
#satirical
48 reads
0 Comments
WillowsWhimsies
Poem Published
15th Nov 2024 9:40pm
15th Nov 2024 9:40pm
no joke...
listen...
I got a few questions
been on my mind a minute
just keep building
so I'm gonna put them out there
see where it gets me
can't they come up with some kinda fix-a-flat
who do we see about that
cuz lately...
the girls aren't feeling as elevated
looking a bit tired
deflated
I want my bounce back
these days it seems like everything sags
& if I gotta pee
don't even look sideways at me
takes that trickle down effect...
to a whole other level
it's a serious situation
when the...
I got a few questions
been on my mind a minute
just keep building
so I'm gonna put them out there
see where it gets me
can't they come up with some kinda fix-a-flat
who do we see about that
cuz lately...
the girls aren't feeling as elevated
looking a bit tired
deflated
I want my bounce back
these days it seems like everything sags
& if I gotta pee
don't even look sideways at me
takes that trickle down effect...
to a whole other level
it's a serious situation
when the...
#aging
#frustration
#funny #women
#funny #women
132 reads
20 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
14th Nov 2024 2:33am
14th Nov 2024 2:33am
Russian Doll Spy Whales
The Russians originally
Had heard of spy whales
From one of their agents/spies
Based in North Wales, UK
And due to a simple typo
And general misunderstanding
The KGB, assumed that the British Government
Were training Welsh people to become spies
The British Government got wind of this
And deliberately gave their spy whales names
Such as Evan, Hugh, and Taff
Thus further confusing the KGB
But the error was later realised
Thence the Russians began building robotic whales
But they kept going rusty
Next they tried genetic...
Had heard of spy whales
From one of their agents/spies
Based in North Wales, UK
And due to a simple typo
And general misunderstanding
The KGB, assumed that the British Government
Were training Welsh people to become spies
The British Government got wind of this
And deliberately gave their spy whales names
Such as Evan, Hugh, and Taff
Thus further confusing the KGB
But the error was later realised
Thence the Russians began building robotic whales
But they kept going rusty
Next they tried genetic...
#fish
#funny
#satirical #technology
#satirical #technology
44 reads
2 Comments
missjem56
Poem Published
10th Nov 2024 10:56pm
10th Nov 2024 10:56pm
Runaways
I visited lost property
Firstly at the police station
But to no avail
Then lost luggage
At British Rail
Then a call out on social media
After first reading an encyclopedia
Yet no matter what
No answers were got
I'd searched far, and wide
Where on earth could it hide?
As i slowly lose my mind
It's my sense of humour i can't find
And i suspect i know
That my humour
Ran away with my mojo!
by Jemia
Firstly at the police station
But to no avail
Then lost luggage
At British Rail
Then a call out on social media
After first reading an encyclopedia
Yet no matter what
No answers were got
I'd searched far, and wide
Where on earth could it hide?
As i slowly lose my mind
It's my sense of humour i can't find
And i suspect i know
That my humour
Ran away with my mojo!
by Jemia
#funny
#LifeAsAWriter
#satirical #SelfDiscovery
#satirical #SelfDiscovery
32 reads
0 Comments
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