Vanessa

You were my idol  
my first hero;  
A teenage girl in her prime of 'cool'  
and everything I wanted to be  
I guess I made it irresistable  
for you to take advantage of me  
 
~Because that's exactly what you did~  
 
Took a sinless  
bright-eyed little girl  
and molded her  
to serve  
in your sick world  
She complied with your  
requests  
demands  
desires  
without understanding  
or being told the price  
just so happy  
to be  
in your shadow  
 
You took pride  
in your wicked lessons  
Late nights  
spent at home  
practicing
'cause I knew you'd ask  
to see my progress  
So eager to please  
and gain your approval  
Damn!  
How pathetic!  
I guess I was born  
with daddy issues!  
 
Your obedient little captive;  
my days spent  
naked in your cage  
That was your favorite game  
I can still recall the  
sight  
and    
smell  
of that damp, dark basement  
cold concrete slab floor...  
pillows..  
curtains..  
and always a locked door  
 
Kool-Aid and polaroid
photo shoots  
123...I'll do you and  
you do me  
ABC...BDSM  
Barbie doll re-enactments  
Crude tools and implements  
Learning to write the alphabet  
and how to pleasure myself...  
whatever that meant
 
~Goddamn these nauseating photographic memories~  
 
I wish they  
would've stayed  
locked away but  
the repressed  
resurfaced  
one day  
I'll be okay...  
it's not like  
I was violated  
with a dick  
Virginity intact  
still clean and pure...  
right?
 
You make me sick!  
I was just  
a kid  
when you poisoned  
my mind......  
My twisted mind  
And now the line  
is blurred between  
hate  
and  
appreciate
'cause now and then  
I quite like  
that I'm not  
alright;  
they call me a  
'switch'  
 
Strained sympathy  
pity and empathy  
For I know the cycle  
didn't start  
with you  
Someone before  
poisoned you too  
It must have been  
confusing  
I am sorry, I truly am  
The difference between  
you and I  
is that I would never  
bring this infliction  
on anyone else  
..ever..  
 
To never be satisfied  
with the conventional  
was the heavy price  
I paid  
for your games  
 
So come closer  
dear cousin[i][/i]  
because I really do think  
you just need a hug  
and I promise  
it's from the heart.....  
from mine  
.....bleeding....  
to yours  
as my sharp blade  
shreds and  
tears you  
apart  
 
~Now be a good girl and keep quiet, the pain will end soon