deepundergroundpoetry.com
Life is new in an instant
Franchise Head Spinner
Nonsense Prize Winner
Offbeat Tweet
She call me over for a good time
She give me my watch I left last time
I set the clock to half past thirty three
She come and call for my reality
I aint got no common sense
All I got is no drugs and a job to pay the rents
I kicked the habit but the journey was too long to reccomend
to fellow travelers
drugs is much easier, just take them, rot away a little,
and like a drop in the bucket, the bucket, a fifty five gallon
drum full of rot, and how can you tell someone you are going to spend the rest of your life digging yourself out of your hole
and by the time you are back to normal, you are ready to be admitted to a nursing home.
So the only way out is to drive a stake into the bucket, drain all their bad venom out onto the floor, and give them a life giving hug, and tell them that their sins are forgiven, and
life is new in an instant, and how do you make that last?
What is the price? Who pays it?
Nonsense Prize Winner
Offbeat Tweet
She call me over for a good time
She give me my watch I left last time
I set the clock to half past thirty three
She come and call for my reality
I aint got no common sense
All I got is no drugs and a job to pay the rents
I kicked the habit but the journey was too long to reccomend
to fellow travelers
drugs is much easier, just take them, rot away a little,
and like a drop in the bucket, the bucket, a fifty five gallon
drum full of rot, and how can you tell someone you are going to spend the rest of your life digging yourself out of your hole
and by the time you are back to normal, you are ready to be admitted to a nursing home.
So the only way out is to drive a stake into the bucket, drain all their bad venom out onto the floor, and give them a life giving hug, and tell them that their sins are forgiven, and
life is new in an instant, and how do you make that last?
What is the price? Who pays it?
Published 26th Aug 2012
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1st Nov 2012 5:37pm
Well written poem, filled with contrasts. But this reader, anyway, is confused by what you say about "drugs." Some of it is very creative, like "by the time you are back to normal, you are ready to be admitted to a nursing home." (You don't need the "and") Nor do you need the last line. The answer to those two questions is obvious and is well integrated into the poem. Yet you say "drugs is much easier" (should be "are". You then demonstrate the horrible things that occur if one takes this path. In my humbliest of opinions, you need some transitional work (language) between the two contrasts. Whay you say, at least here, is not obvious.
marcella1
marcella1
5th Nov 2012 4:13pm
24th Mar 2013 11:30am
