Fucking say goodbye

Why couldn't you give my
maimed heart  
a last bit of  
romantic dross
to hold on to?
 
I’m tired of wanting
and hurting
and hating
 
I don’t want to be in this cycle
this spiral  
this train-fucking wreck of a mind  
 
I want you to man the fuck up  
and leave me with some dignity  
like the good guy you say you are  
 
I want to stand in flowy dress
on a hill and watch you
walk away with my lips still
blistered from our last kiss
 
I want to step in your arms
one more time
and know it’s the last time
 
know...  
it's the last time.  
 
(That shit usually comes as a shock)

So I can reverently  
inhale you, and feel
the press of your  
chest against my hand
 
The only time I get to  
be in love with you  
is the
interlude
 
So leave me there
with the sound
of eternal vows and
romantic bullshit
dripping from my face  
 
When you go,
you take me with you
in your hypocritical kindness  
 
when really,  
I need you  
 
(baby, even now,  
I need you)  
 
I need you  
to be kind enough to
be a cruel  
motherfucker,  
 
to kiss my vacant shell,
and walk slowly
to the setting sun
as my keening warms  
your solid back,  
and your pride  
wraps my pain  
around its  
pinky like a  
child with a cobweb
 
I need you to say goodbye  
so that I have agony with rationale
as I stand with  
bloody knees  
and scream your name  
to the sky  
in a way that  
costs  
less  
 
than everything  
 
 
I need you  
to say
goodbye  
goodbye
 
goodbye