The stench of reality and a reminder to wipe up the blood

   

caught off guard  
lamed by bold blistering sting  
wretched dire ache  
comes in dreaded waves  
 
fuck, how i still burn  
still need you  
need the tangled longing  
hate myself for  
craving it  
like I do  
 
tears well up  
in a hot slide down  
red puffy  
pissed off cheeks    
 
swinging by nightmarish tenterhooks  
reason sways to and fro  
speckling me in blood-loss  
viscera in bold stark darkness    
it's so easy to forget  
how we once thrived in pools of light  
spun our gold  
and fantasy mined our own plight  
 
I'm not alive    
was I ever?    
living upside down, everything  
 is so different    
harsh, hard, confusing and q u i e t    
pain— a welcomed fiend  
 
numb me.  
numb it all.  
 
cocooning in a sort of hurtful relief  
understanding that it never stops  
recognizing the ritual  
as it penetrates a deep familiarity  
 
I can almost hear an ironic 'cheers" clinking  
mocking in celebratory drink  
from a tavern of emptiness  
old ghosts... still clinging  
 
can hardly feel myself at all  
or smell that awful stench  
given off when pathetic justifications    
echo out in surrealistic motion  
like a slow fast forward -  
fracturing laws of physics  
 
 I'm going....    
almost gone now    
sorrow cloaks in whole surround  
leaves hollow places  
to turn into barren bastions of nothingness  
 
utterly invisible, unseen  
 
decomposing,  
deep fissures splinter off  
I taste obliteration  
from shattered stain glass    
the last pieces    
full of symbolic meaning  
crumble of broken faith  
 
only sad remnants  
of cheap colored glass    
left strewn about,  
lost to those unknown places    
piercing, where they shouldn't have  
couldn't have  
scattered so very far  
and wide  
 
wondering, unknown  
 
 
only bloody footprints    
 remain as proof  
 
 
 
with  
 
each  
 
gruesome  
 
step