deep breath & hit submit


it's been a minute
so forgive my stammering verse
it wasn't always like this
so complicated & distorted
there was a time I'd say I was doing alright
though not necessarily thriving
mostly getting by
taking the days as they'd come
meeting the challenges one by one
and then 2020 dawned
the whole world stopped
so much was lost
including my words
it's like exercising dormant muscles
only worse
I've changed
don't think I'll ever be the same
diagnoses, medications, adaptations
it's all been a lot
learning to cope in a newly altered reality
took a toll on me
not a line set to paper
no poetry
no expression
everything crashed down
in a bubble of compression
I published a book
and then nothing since
this is my mother tongue
but I live in foreign lands
nobody around me understands
it's more than a language
it's who I am
but I'm different now
more withdrawn
less inclined to connect
make friends
or leave my nest
He knows, He sees
encourages my tentative attempts
but doesn't press
3 years & counting
and He keeps me steady
see, this is the thing
my mind struggles with a concept
millions lost to the pandemic
everyone I loved had it
myself included
and survived
but I know entire families lost
I don't know anyone it didn't touch
in the back of my mind I can't help but think
will there be a penance for survival
part of me is forever waiting
to learn the hidden cost
I guess that's why I went silent
guilt, maybe
for being alive
He calls it ego
I call it fear
why are they all gone
yet I'm still here
never mind
I'm just babbling
so yes, it's been a while
muted with anxiety & depression
not one poem has made it out
until now

Copyright @ Willow. All rights reserved
Written by WillowsWhimsies
Author's Note
Still getting my toes wet with's been a while. Bear with me here...
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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