deepundergroundpoetry.com
deep breath & hit submit
it's been a minute
so forgive my stammering verse
it wasn't always like this
so complicated & distorted
there was a time I'd say I was doing alright
though not necessarily thriving
mostly getting by
taking the days as they'd come
meeting the challenges one by one
and then 2020 dawned
the whole world stopped
so much was lost
including my words
it's like exercising dormant muscles
only worse
I've changed
don't think I'll ever be the same
diagnoses, medications, adaptations
it's all been a lot
learning to cope in a newly altered reality
took a toll on me
not a line set to paper
no poetry
no expression
everything crashed down
in a bubble of compression
I published a book
and then nothing since
this is my mother tongue
but I live in foreign lands
nobody around me understands
it's more than a language
it's who I am
but I'm different now
more withdrawn
less inclined to connect
make friends
or leave my nest
He knows, He sees
encourages my tentative attempts
but doesn't press
3 years & counting
and He keeps me steady
see, this is the thing
my mind struggles with a concept
millions lost to the pandemic
everyone I loved had it
myself included
and survived
but I know entire families lost
I don't know anyone it didn't touch
in the back of my mind I can't help but think
will there be a penance for survival
part of me is forever waiting
to learn the hidden cost
I guess that's why I went silent
guilt, maybe
for being alive
He calls it ego
I call it fear
why are they all gone
yet I'm still here
never mind
I'm just babbling
so yes, it's been a while
muted with anxiety & depression
not one poem has made it out
until now
Copyright @ Willow. All rights reserved
Published 13th Aug 2023
Author's Note
Still getting my toes wet with writing...it's been a while. Bear with me here...
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 5
reading list entries 4
comments 8
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I was surprised to see you back Willow.
Shocked even but every so often people from the DUP past do resurface and some actually stay awhile again. I'll be on DUP 10 years in November I think. It's been a wild journey. I've got a BIG mouth sometimes and I'm still the unofficial unelected Mayor and Sherrif around these parts. While some may want to impeach me I still take on the misfits. That all said, you know you have a home here and what place better than the Underground to float ideas, concepts and life, struggles or otherwise...
Welcome Home
BIG.... abbreviation for BIG LIKE
Shocked even but every so often people from the DUP past do resurface and some actually stay awhile again. I'll be on DUP 10 years in November I think. It's been a wild journey. I've got a BIG mouth sometimes and I'm still the unofficial unelected Mayor and Sherrif around these parts. While some may want to impeach me I still take on the misfits. That all said, you know you have a home here and what place better than the Underground to float ideas, concepts and life, struggles or otherwise...
Welcome Home
BIG.... abbreviation for BIG LIKE
13th Aug 2023 9:37pm
To be completely honest, I surprised myself. I literally opened during my lunch break, without even thinking about it. And then I stepped back for a bit and thought about it. It was the right thing to do and the right time to do it. It's only been since 2016 for me...and not all of that time. But it still feels like home. A huge dysfunctional, loud family...who happen to speak my language. For better or worse, here I am...when I am. It's good to be back. Thank you for the welcome home :)
13th Aug 2023 8:18pm
hello beautiful Willow welcome home keep writing I think it will come back as you get things off your chest...it will be a painful journey at times but I think it would be good...I missed seeing you and thought of you often...I'm sorry for your losses is Taryn okay? take it slow and ease into things the pandemic hit us all in different ways many people it caused a lot of fear and depression...I have a lot of love for you lady...hugs Brenda 💕
13th Aug 2023 9:44pm
Thank you, Brenda. I've never been afraid of pain. Nor have I been afraid to show my vulnerability. It's just that it's a bit like learning how to talk again. My family made it through, Taryn included. A few long-term effects to deal with, but nothing unmanageable. I spoke with a woman I worked with who looked dazed. When I asked what was going on she told me she lost her entire family...11 members in total, both parents and all children. And my family made it. Never have gotten over that conversation, if I'm honest. I lost my job - but found another fully remote work. My daughter had bad covid symptoms with a slow recovery. My asthma worsened but I was never hospitalized. All good outcomes in the end. But it blew anxiety and depression up into monumental things in my family and communication has become huge in not losing our collective shit. But I don't speak their language and they don't understand mine, so it's been a struggle. Still...we're all here. Ugh, such a basket full of chaotic emotions. Thank you for the love, Brenda. Many hugs in return
13th Aug 2023 9:45pm
Fantastic scribbling. I have been and gone and back again. I'm just pen, inking things, Mostly from my mind's imagination.
13th Aug 2023 9:46pm
Thank you. If scribbling is what gets the ink flowing, I'll take it. Imagination is the soul's expression, I think
18th Oct 2023 3:36am
Yah, it is something how it works isn't it? i really like the honesty of this.
May the ink come quick when the babble of words takes hold.
Bat
May the ink come quick when the babble of words takes hold.
Bat
18th Oct 2023 12:49pm
Once the ink started flowing freely, it keeps me up nights trying to capture it in some fashion. Thank you so much, Bat!
