found thoughts for a forgotten lover

 
 
I    
 
I sometimes think about    
you when I fuck    
your replacement      
     
I wonder if    
you thought    
about me while    
you fucked mine    
     
after all    
     
I was right there    
     
     
II    
     
I wish      
it had been    
anyone      
but you    
     
III    
     
I keep telling      
my dumb-cunt self    
the goddamn story    
wasn’t real    
     
the fairytale    
where your sweat    
dripped down    
my rib cage,    
and your chest    
heaved above mine    
(wasn’t real)    
     
but if it had been,    
I wish I’d wrapped      
my legs around      
you    
     
one    
last    
time    
     
     
IV    
     
You didn’t lie about      
one thing:    
     
I’m really never      
going to get that      
high again    
     
     
V      
     
I figured    
I’d have a final    
cry over you    
     
But the tears      
didn’t come,  
just the hurt.  
     
I always did like    
the pain,    
     
though, it was    
cleaner when    
it was in your bed    
     
     
VI    
     
I made you      
     
my god    
     
and you      
sacrificed me    
     
     
VII    
     
I don’t have a  
fucking point    
     
     
VII    
     
I listened      
to that piece    
and I finally got      
that last    
cry    
     
because I don’t  
want you    
   
 
and I always
sucked at lying
     
     
IX    
     
I went to bed    
with a smile,    
that night.
 
That last night.
     
You made me  
laugh,    
come,    
and sigh  
in fangirl-awe      
over your    
craftsmanship      
while waxing poetical    
about the sunset.    
     
(In that order.)    
     
I trusted the
barest motes    
of my soul    
in your rugged hands.
 
And you dusted them off
on the front of your jeans.   
     
I wish I’d never woken    
up the next morning.
     
I fucking wish I’d never      
woken up the next morning    
     
Because my      
last dream      
would have been    
of our      
entwined
limbs      

 
 
     
X    
     
You were      
always    
enough