Longshot

 
He thought calling me fat      
was punishment,      
that making fun of my big ass      
'taught me a lesson'      
put me in my proper place      
his place    
of needing me inferior      
     
Another fucked up version      
of intimidation,      
bullying meant to stoke my fire      
escalating doubt into fear      
     
Thinly veiled subjugation by    
attempt after attempt      
at cruel embarrassment      
adding warped credence    
to a sad lonely cause      
     
Making him    
finally feel—    
something      
other than his own pounding cadence      
of self loathing    
     
Splicing glee with cruelty,      
when aligning    
anger and torment    
To him,      
felt like righteous ultimate power      
     
I knew this game    
I knew he knew that I knew, too.      
The stakes    
The desire to 'win' at all costs      
     
He called it speaking the truth    
     
But it was all a lie.      
a pathetic scam    
by dim pathetic means      
     
A shake down      
in every sense of the word      
     
Because when life teaches you      
that lies cradle your filth      
while sweetly caressing      
in easy consumed portions,      
'rock-a-bye-ing' a shattered soul    
It then becomes second nature    
     
Yet, authentic truth      
maintains powerful momentum    
bubble burning      
under the surface      
often, it pushes on through      
oozing out of      
every sloppily constructed admittance   
corroding each heinously impotent      
and feckless thought    
rolling over it all
like "The Blob" of harsh reality      
     
An unmistakable smell—    
his absolute fear    
of just how small    
insignificant      
and      
inadequate    
all that ignorant bluster stinks of      
     
Which is why    
enormous pleasure was probably taken      
in ensuring deep scars    
from callous, vile cuts    
intentionally meant to slice hardened bone      
stabbed miserable bitterness    
in punctures, aplenty    
     
Despite that horror [or maybe because of it]      
I took each hurt    
I took. them. all.    
     
Wore them    
as fucking trophies      
     
as the      
longshot      
     
winner      
     
     
     
I am