deepundergroundpoetry.com
Earth and Brackish Water
sometimes,
I can still smell
the grass,
just after
the pink-tinged hue
of the Florida morning
comes to court
my grandmother’s yard
fat and waxy blades
are swollen velvet
under my bare feet,
while the cicadas
sing their melodies
with such gusto,
it’s almost a tangible thing
the air around me
breathes
heavily to their rhythm
and the scent of
earth and brackish water
releases
with each step
elephant ears stand watch,
leaning in to listen
to a chorus of laughter
coming from my cousins
I sit quietly in supplication
arms stretched upwards,
my face to the sun ~
believing with all my might
it has the power
to burn away
the darkness of this world;
and for brief moments,
~like this one~
it does
I can still smell
the grass,
just after
the pink-tinged hue
of the Florida morning
comes to court
my grandmother’s yard
fat and waxy blades
are swollen velvet
under my bare feet,
while the cicadas
sing their melodies
with such gusto,
it’s almost a tangible thing
the air around me
breathes
heavily to their rhythm
and the scent of
earth and brackish water
releases
with each step
elephant ears stand watch,
leaning in to listen
to a chorus of laughter
coming from my cousins
I sit quietly in supplication
arms stretched upwards,
my face to the sun ~
believing with all my might
it has the power
to burn away
the darkness of this world;
and for brief moments,
~like this one~
it does
Published 23rd Feb 2023
Author's Note
A complete re-write of an old poem. Each of my memories is a sensory experience and I wanted to capture this one.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 18
reading list entries 9
comments 30
reads 283
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
23rd Feb 2023 00:22am
23rd Feb 2023 10:06am
23rd Feb 2023 3:00am
You captured the scene extremely well!
(Hey, a baby!!!! Dang it. Babies and puppies get to me every time!)
Okay, back to your vivid write. The lushness within it is thick and descriptive. I like where it puts me, as a reader. Well written out, Luna.
(Hey, a baby!!!! Dang it. Babies and puppies get to me every time!)
Okay, back to your vivid write. The lushness within it is thick and descriptive. I like where it puts me, as a reader. Well written out, Luna.
23rd Feb 2023 10:10am
Thank you, Styxian! The baby is my very first grandchild and I’m so excited about him 😊
23rd Feb 2023 3:12am
23rd Feb 2023 10:11am
23rd Feb 2023 3:21am
Dear L,
Stanza two with the fat waxy blades of grass- I remember as a kid no shoes in summer. Feeling the sun on my face like a warm embrace. I really appreciate how this poem evoked such a long ago and wonderful time. Lovely write.
I bet I know who that baby is 😊
He looks super comfortable and very cuddly! Many blessings and congrats.
H🌷
Stanza two with the fat waxy blades of grass- I remember as a kid no shoes in summer. Feeling the sun on my face like a warm embrace. I really appreciate how this poem evoked such a long ago and wonderful time. Lovely write.
I bet I know who that baby is 😊
He looks super comfortable and very cuddly! Many blessings and congrats.
H🌷
23rd Feb 2023 10:13am
23rd Feb 2023 4:02am
Beautifully reworked Luna, great depth and pace of voice, good use of details to lend dimensions, most importantly is the presence of emotion and time to the whole.
23rd Feb 2023 10:13am
23rd Feb 2023 9:16am
You have captured a glorious moment with your skills, peaceful, nostalgic... connection with nature/universe, makes the reader wish for those feelings... you are taming the language beast, I enjoyed the read!
23rd Feb 2023 10:14am
23rd Feb 2023 11:55pm
Lovely calm and evocative poem. It reminds me of Maya Angelou's comment that we remember how people made us feel, not what they said or the events which took place. Sensory experience seems to be easily embedded in our body-memories, for good or ill, and it's very healing to have some precious good ones; they carry us well. I like the way the poem reflected this.
24th Feb 2023 3:23pm
I am such a huge fan of Ms. Angelou! Thank you so much for your kind words, Josh.
24th Feb 2023 2:56am
You took us there, in mind and feeling, reliving a wonderful treasured memory.
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing.
24th Feb 2023 3:24pm
24th Feb 2023 6:31am
24th Feb 2023 3:25pm
Anonymous
- Edited 8th Jul 2023 7:45pm
25th Feb 2023 10:43am
<< post removed >>
25th Feb 2023 12:33pm
26th Feb 2023 9:45pm
You impregnate the atmosphere all around me, dear Luna. I feel like I'm right there, in the moment with you and oh my, I just can't get enough of your memorizing imagery and soft gentle nostalgia. This poem is beyond heartwarming and immensely touching, it's a love letter filled with everything your heart and soul was trying to convey.... and you gloriously succeed in all that I now deeply feel. From one Floridian to another, I think I'm especially qualified to say, Bravo!! (har har)
You are astounding!
Truly excellent poeting, dear poetess
Thank you.
🌹💙 💙
x
You are astounding!
Truly excellent poeting, dear poetess
Thank you.
🌹💙 💙
x
3rd Mar 2023 1:02pm
3rd Mar 2023 12:31pm
Anthropomorphism is a poetic device I appreciate and sometimes use. The lines about the elephant ears really do that nicely!
3rd Mar 2023 1:02pm
4th Mar 2023 2:09pm
4th Mar 2023 2:23pm
4th Mar 2023 11:08pm
The vocal performances really brings the full dimensions of intimacy, time, memory, all of it across.
It's wonderful to be here for your journey and see you blossoming in different ways.
It's wonderful to be here for your journey and see you blossoming in different ways.
4th Mar 2023 11:41pm
10th Mar 2023 6:36pm
Luna, Luna, Luna.
I couldn't love this more. It's one of those poems that just feels so damn good. well done.
I couldn't love this more. It's one of those poems that just feels so damn good. well done.
11th Mar 2023 2:19am
