#2 Lost Love

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Always number two, number two my entire life. It’s the story I live that I can not break free from. On the physical pain of existence I constantly compete with others. I compete even if there is no competition. Even when I know that I lost before I even started. I feel so empty inside when I think back on how much effort I put into you. For me to love you, for you to look for other love. How empty my heart aches. The tears have been running down my face for weeks as you left so many signs to show this coming. I tried so hard to ignore it but you made it plain. You can’t lie to me. How I wasn’t something you would fight for. You express yourself so vaguely. I’m so tired of the indirect answers. The pain is so deep now. I lay in here in my bed telling myself that I’d never beg a man to not ignore me or not make me feel like this. I know it’s my choice to step away but how do I stay when all I can think about is the human I fall in love with, searching for someone who isn’t me ? Not feeling the return of feelings but still saying you have love for me? I’m so lost and confused. I don’t know what to do. I’m laying here frantically crying so hard the cat is steady rocking on my chest as she purs as I heave high and low with each loud scream. She’s trying to heal me. At least someone loves me....