Fairy God Cousin

Dear Little one, I'm thinking of you
Hoping the bed you're in is comfy
That you belly is full of good food
My mind is full of lists of what I'm wishing for you
Clothes that fit, toys that bring joy, a safe place to be
My dreams keep bringing you back to me
I've never wanted a baby, never wanted pregnancy or any of that
Instead I've always dreamt of a child
That just floated into my life like dandelion fluff on wind
The very idea of a child who needs me
Twists my stomach into hundreds knots
And this idea that I couldn't give what is needed
Honestly Just haunts my mind endlessly
But I would face that fear everyday if it was needed
I hope that if things go south for you, little one
That if the state sets you afloat into fostercare
That you float to me and this life I've built
I may not know what I'm doing or how to help
But I understand better than most what you've been through
I've been there myself and I know how much it hurts
I wish that when I was your age that someone understood me
I know that you aren't me and our stories are different
No one can ever make it go away completely
But if you were to float to me Id be there
Trying to build up the good memories
So when the bad ones resurface like they do
You have something to fall back on
I would help you in anyway that I can, I promise


With much love,

Your Fairy God Cousin