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A Chaotic Melody (Random Journal Entry)
sunset calls the sky home
in a land where the crisp air
of a winter that doesn’t
hurt
fills my lungs until
they beg for release;
I make them suffer
just a little
for the sake of gluttony
I can breathe again
somewhere between
the habit of being
my mother’s daughter
and the responsibility
of my sons’ mother,
I forgot how to be myself
my soul suspended
over the dark chasm
of the unknown,
I swing rather delicately
from strong rope
as voices below
threaten my balance
making their way
to the above
rain lands timidly
across chilled earth,
the stillness a gift
bestowed to my ears;
they’ve not lost
one precious drop
guardian sentinels
watch vigilantly
over my front yard;
a pair of pecan trees
to some,
but never to me
I understand their sacrifice
baring themselves
before the moon,
they shed the comfort
of the past;
stripping their limbs
of all that was
in hopes of being worthy
of who they will be
once their beloved
spring returns
standing between
the gentle giants,
I honor their pledge
with one of my own
I feel it all now
the unrelenting pain
of skin that never fits
quite right;
the aching sorrow
of getting it wrong
far too often
~and~
a persistent joy
at having been here
to experience this
complicated existence;
there is peace
in finding grace
for all the past versions
of yourself,
and hope exists
in having a little faith
in all of those to come
wet grass under my feet,
I sink into oversaturated soil,
curling my toes into the mud
naked arms raised
in praise to the new moon,
the sentinels stand patient ~
awaiting my words
of supplication;
teeth chattering wildly
in chaotic melody,
I ask them to lend me
their determination
in a land where the crisp air
of a winter that doesn’t
hurt
fills my lungs until
they beg for release;
I make them suffer
just a little
for the sake of gluttony
I can breathe again
somewhere between
the habit of being
my mother’s daughter
and the responsibility
of my sons’ mother,
I forgot how to be myself
my soul suspended
over the dark chasm
of the unknown,
I swing rather delicately
from strong rope
as voices below
threaten my balance
making their way
to the above
rain lands timidly
across chilled earth,
the stillness a gift
bestowed to my ears;
they’ve not lost
one precious drop
guardian sentinels
watch vigilantly
over my front yard;
a pair of pecan trees
to some,
but never to me
I understand their sacrifice
baring themselves
before the moon,
they shed the comfort
of the past;
stripping their limbs
of all that was
in hopes of being worthy
of who they will be
once their beloved
spring returns
standing between
the gentle giants,
I honor their pledge
with one of my own
I feel it all now
the unrelenting pain
of skin that never fits
quite right;
the aching sorrow
of getting it wrong
far too often
~and~
a persistent joy
at having been here
to experience this
complicated existence;
there is peace
in finding grace
for all the past versions
of yourself,
and hope exists
in having a little faith
in all of those to come
wet grass under my feet,
I sink into oversaturated soil,
curling my toes into the mud
naked arms raised
in praise to the new moon,
the sentinels stand patient ~
awaiting my words
of supplication;
teeth chattering wildly
in chaotic melody,
I ask them to lend me
their determination
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