deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Bikers
She whispered that's a huge throbbing beast
yes, he replied; I call it my Harley Davidson
She smiles, can I help you polish it
yes, he replied; I call it my Harley Davidson
She smiles, can I help you polish it
Published 12th Aug 2020
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The author encourages honest critique.
12th Aug 2020 12:18pm
12th Aug 2020 3:26pm
Hahahaha! I love the suggestive nature of this, Slip. In the spirit of honest critique—
She whispered, that's a huge throbbing beast
yes, he replied; I call it my Harley Davidson
She smiles, can I help you polish it
I suggest a comma after She Whispered, and would italicize all quotes for emphasis. I also suggest a comma or semicolon after "he replied", just so the reader gets a breather to digest the answer before being swept off with the sentence. You nailed the comma after She smiled perfectly.
Again, italicizing quotes emphasizes them.
Well done on the content. Agree with Poet—concise!
She whispered, that's a huge throbbing beast
yes, he replied; I call it my Harley Davidson
She smiles, can I help you polish it
I suggest a comma after She Whispered, and would italicize all quotes for emphasis. I also suggest a comma or semicolon after "he replied", just so the reader gets a breather to digest the answer before being swept off with the sentence. You nailed the comma after She smiled perfectly.
Again, italicizing quotes emphasizes them.
Well done on the content. Agree with Poet—concise!
12th Aug 2020 6:13pm
1st Oct 2020 9:29pm
