Homeschooling

 
Now I'm not gona beat around the bush on this one.
The truth is my trying to teach is inadequate.
If the classes were constructing colloquial vernacular and cuss words than fuck me would my small one be getting at least a B plus.
But the musts of maths, the mapped out plans, have me quickly feeling the need to bury my head in the sand.

Don't get it twisted, it's not like i don't understand the things babe is learning.

It's her yearning for normality amongst the current insanity, and my lack of patience, forgotten empathy for what it's like to be 9, means most of the time we are trying with no luck to get it right.

And seemingly theres no end in sight, or light for us both to look forward to.
Societal constructs removed, the glue that holds it all together, taken for granted when there were present, and wishful thing, hindsight now so relevant, it's fucking difficult to not feel just a bit malevolent.

And pretty guilty really.

I could be doing so much more.
For her in this moment, not forgetting myself either.
Used to be an overachiever, but neither would have baby lou believed you if you said this was what was going to happen.
Like when chicken licken said the sky was falling in.
One of my favourite stories, but sweets not really feeling reading.
Time's tables can be very challenging, and she tries so hard, she's managing to oversee my shortcomings, i know they're damaging, it makes me love her even more.

A star baby has for empathy, one of the best gifts shes got from me, i just want her to be able to see, that how they school us is negentropy.
Like einstein said "if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it'll live it's whole life believing that it's stupid"
That what they grade us as in society will never match up to who we can truly be.
That the worst limitation is what we are told to believe, and I want so much more for her than me.
See her run, no, sprint, arms reaching, fingers flailing, towards her dreams, pushing on to her limitless destiny.
Though in reality,  the only desire for her that comes from me, is whoever she is and whoever she loves, however she lives and whatever she does, that she's happy.
That would be more than enough for me.