repeat cycle

here I go....
starting the cycle again
why would I do this
since I know how it will end
it's not the first time
I have fought this battle before
I must be a glutton for punishment
since I keep coming back for more
is it a character defect
hereditary, passed down from my mother
this incessant need
to feel loved by another
I pick the one I shouldn't
each and every single time
exactly like the last
you'd think I would know better
considering my past
maybe one day I will learn to love myself
do what is best for me
make a change
but it's unlikely
I give my all
until I have nothing left to give
devoid of emotion
looking for a reason
trying to find the will to live
my soul is damaged
I'm no good, just broken
a shell of a woman once so vibrant
now timid and soft-spoken
I'm a failure
in every possible way
I'm trying to hold on
looking for that elusive better day