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A Little Closer To The Edge (Crater Of Stars)
Father.
I enter the word
whitening in moonlight.
A glimmer,
you are still electric
in wordless theory
where you evoked me
and I collapsed into you.
Crater of reception
falling out of Night's cricket songs;
shredded body of love.
Tempest,
Father whom I fell into,
where you held a cave for me
deeper than blackest vastness
of furthest sky.
Every star is yours,
oh Mother,
where I grew, expanding, extracting
within his grasp.
Teach me how to speak
this way,
this limitless way.
In this crater of stars,
I evolved from ruin,
Oh Father,
Oh Mother,
yours.
.....
I enter the word
whitening in moonlight.
A glimmer,
you are still electric
in wordless theory
where you evoked me
and I collapsed into you.
Crater of reception
falling out of Night's cricket songs;
shredded body of love.
Tempest,
Father whom I fell into,
where you held a cave for me
deeper than blackest vastness
of furthest sky.
Every star is yours,
oh Mother,
where I grew, expanding, extracting
within his grasp.
Teach me how to speak
this way,
this limitless way.
In this crater of stars,
I evolved from ruin,
Oh Father,
Oh Mother,
yours.
.....
Written by
PoetsRevenge
Published 26th Nov 2019
Author's Note
Once again I have been inspired by the 'Poetry Swap Meet' thread, where I found a poem by Ocean Vuong. I found some of his other poems online, including one called 'A Little Closer To The Edge' , which seems to be something of a tribute to his mother and father. I wrote a similar poem and am entering it in the 'Thankful' comp as a creative twist.
Here is a link to the original poem, which is amazing:
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/poems/88734/a-little-closer-to-the-edge
Here is a link to the original poem, which is amazing:
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/poems/88734/a-little-closer-to-the-edge
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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reading list entries 6
comments 16
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Re. A Little Closer To The Edge (Crater Of Stars)
26th Nov 2019 4:47am
Re: Re. A Little Closer To The Edge (Crater Of Stars)
Re. A Little Closer To The Edge (Crater Of Stars)
26th Nov 2019 6:46am
Re: Re. A Little Closer To The Edge (Crater Of Stars)
27th Nov 2019 4:32am
Re. A Little Closer To The Edge (Crater Of Stars)
Anonymous
- Edited 26th Nov 2019 12:35pm
26th Nov 2019 12:33pm
Glad to see you still challenging yourself ... and us ..... I get the sense of a role reversal, in which the father is the womb seeded by the mother. A cosmic birth of mythological proportions.
1
Re: Re. A Little Closer To The Edge (Crater Of Stars)
27th Nov 2019 4:22am
Here's another link, to the original poem posted by Tallen in the thread. It really blew my mind when I read it, with its nonlinear format, it had me thinking of all kinds of role reversals in a poem, definitely in a cosmic sense with creation as masculine:
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/poetry/read/10280/180/
I'm really glad you liked this, I'll keep him in mind for the next poll suggestions:)
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/poetry/read/10280/180/
I'm really glad you liked this, I'll keep him in mind for the next poll suggestions:)
Re. A Little Closer To The Edge (Crater Of Stars)
26th Nov 2019 10:25pm
Thank you for the intro to a name that was vaguely familiar but which I had never read (probably did on swap-meet though). Nice to get a second look. The original is indeed amazing - and you have well risen to the challenge with your own. Great work.
1
Re: Re. A Little Closer To The Edge (Crater Of Stars)
27th Nov 2019 4:31am
l just posted a link to the swap meet thread in my comment above if you want to revisit it, it was what originally got me interested in this poet..
I'm so glad you liked this, and the original, thanks for the comment and RL add:)
I'm so glad you liked this, and the original, thanks for the comment and RL add:)
Re. A Little Closer To The Edge (Crater Of Stars)
8th Dec 2019 2:52am
This poem has been nominated for Poem of the Month, December 2017! Best of luck!
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/11154/#462452
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/11154/#462452
1
Re: Re. A Little Closer To The Edge (Crater Of Stars)
8th Dec 2019 3:19am
Re. A Little Closer To The Edge (Crater Of Stars)
11th Dec 2019 5:23am
this is deep and powerful and you are such an expressive.. hey do comment/ review/ write your thoughts on my site too :)
0
Re: Re. A Little Closer To The Edge (Crater Of Stars)
Re. A Little Closer To The Edge (Crater Of Stars)
Anonymous
11th Dec 2019 12:39pm
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. A Little Closer To The Edge (Crater Of Stars)
13th Dec 2019 6:32am
Thanks so much, I'm so touched by that comment. There are so many great and open minded people on this site, it feels like a safe haven in a crazy world, and I'm able to write in maximum expression. I was thinking the other day how the support is like flying butresses holding up Notre Dame cathedral, they are not very obvious but carry alot of weight and defy gravity in the process..
I'm so glad to hear I've inspired you, it means a lot :)
I'm so glad to hear I've inspired you, it means a lot :)
Re. A Little Closer To The Edge (Crater Of Stars)
18th Dec 2019 8:11am
Re: Re. A Little Closer To The Edge (Crater Of Stars)
19th Dec 2019 3:45am