monochrome still life

 
the vulgar sun shine on my depressed state  
gray slate feeling cold to the touch  
said "stay away"  
 
monochrome emotions hung by a neon sign  
flashing my pain, my life  
chaos ruled  
electrocuted thoughts languish  
my brain synapses misfired  
I wandered purgatory...  
 
I sank inside me drowning still life style...slowly  
suddenly there was my life in film  
for all of the heavens to see  
some pieces notably missing  
chopped scenes;  
on God's cutting room floor  
 
#203 edited for lack of content...  
you weren't fully present most of the time, were you?  
 
#204 cut because of the need for humanity...  
did you notice anyone else?  
while sojourning with your fellow brothers and sisters  
 
finally, #205 blocked out due to violence...  
you were most vicious when dealing with self  
cutting yourself down...to love others you must first love self  
 
I skip these truths over a seemingly placid lake  
and they sink to the bottom  
luminescent guilt I see even while sleeping  
I feel it weighing heavy on the soul of me  
 
it hurts to be this real with yourself  
to know you're a flash and then gone  
wondering did you make a difference  
 
to anyone...anyone at all  
 
then chimes in my inner bohemian  
"the answer is simple...just love yourself"