Good-bye

 
“Is that truly what you want?” she whispered wistfully. The raindrops running down her rosy cheeks and the playful shadows cast upon her delicate face made it nearly impossible to know for certain what it was she was feeling. For a moment, just one fleeting moment, I forgot why we were here, standing in the frigid, forlorn rain saying goodbye.
I looked at the way her long, wet hair clung desperately to her forehead; I looked at the way her eyebrows furrowed in contemporary confusion; I looked at the way her eyes appeared wide and innocent knowing they were anything but; I looked at the way the raindrops gathered at the tip of her upturned nose; I looked at the way she bit her lip with a nervous uncertainty; I looked at the way her entire body trembled, whether from the cold rain or not I could not say.
For a moment, I couldn’t bring myself to utter the words, because part of me wanted to say: “no”, to grab her and never let her go; part of me, wished to tell her that this was all a silly test to see if she would leave on her own accord; part of me wanted to tell her how sorry I was and would forever be for dragging her into something larger than us both; to apologize for being unable to protect her from myself; part of me wanted to say nothing at all.
I said nothing: no words of encouragement or discouragement and I made no movements. I wanted to focus on just about anything else.
I looked at the houses lining the street, all dark with the exception of a few night owls who were probably driving themselves wild writing what they dreamed of being their next big break; the rain that looked as if it were falling directly from the flickering street lamps; the puddles gathering in the street that would no doubt house a nest of mayflies or something.
I smelled the fresh cut grass; the newly bloomed flowers of all types; I smelled the spice of someone cooking Indian food somewhere close by; the stinging odor of someone drinking their sorrows away long after everyone went to sleep, and the truth finally set in.
I heard the soft pattering of the rain on the roof tops; the laughter of an old, grainy sitcom that someone fell asleep to in the old, ratty recliner that they refused to part with; I heard the whisperings of a forbidden love in the shadows. I almost smiled in spite of myself at the irony of it all.
I felt the goosebumps spread across my body as the cold, spring rain touched it; or at least that’s what I nobly told myself caused it. I felt the butterflies in my stomach attempting to release themselves from the knots that entangled them; I felt the hot tears from my eyes mix with the frigid ones that fell from Heaven. I felt it all.
Without making eye contact, I slowly nodded. I could have said any combination of words to stop her but instead, I pursed my lips and stared into the distance, fixating on everything while fixating on nothing. I watched from the corner of my eye as she silently nodded, accepting what we both knew we could not bare. Still, I said nothing. Nothing at all.
With that, she disappeared into the rain without once looking back.
And that was the last time anyone ever saw her.