deepundergroundpoetry.com
Til death do us part
You hear my sobs from the other side of the bathroom door
You press your calloused hands against this door you built, wondering if you could do more
I'll bet you wonder how we got here and why
Being once so in love and alive
In defeat, you sink down to the floor
I find it somewhat comforting as I can see your shadow beneath the door
I never thought we could feel so unbound
And you never thought you would have to worry about your feet no longer touching the ground
Still, I cry into a towel, hoping to suppress the sound
I don't know if I meant to be alone
Or if I was hoping to be found
I close my eyes and think of that night before
How you carelessly let me walk out the door
I decided to sit on the beach
Maybe I somehow thought this would bring me answers or peace
I watched the moon, I listened to the breeze
They told me I could do this but it wouldn't be with ease
As I sat there and watched the waves, I realized
I could have drowned a thousand times
And never found myself dead
Because the coldest I've ever felt was lying in your bed
And when I finally did come home, in our bed fast asleep you laid
Perhaps hoping you could save this for yet another day
But as we both know, many mistakes have been made and too many tears have been shed
Because the most confused you've ever been was resting in my head
You knock quietly on the door, not knowing what else to do
You tell me to come out, that we can talk this through
A glimmer of hope, I just have to say yes
I start to get up when I feel the familiar pangs in my chest
So, instead, I tell you to leave me be
That you are the last person I wish to see
The door is unlocked and yet you still walk away
Probably going to tuck the kids in and tell them everything is okay
"Mommy's just upset, she's going to be fine"
You reassure them as you do every time
But I'm not and I've made up my mind
I'm running and leaving everything behind
So, please, tell our children I'm sorry and love them as you should
Because I think we both know by now, I'll never do them any good
Those are the words that you have said
Or maybe you never said them and they've just been dormant in my head
With a heavy heart and a bottle of pills,
I climb carefully from the windowsill
I run silently into the night
Knowing now that there is nothing left here to fight
You press your calloused hands against this door you built, wondering if you could do more
I'll bet you wonder how we got here and why
Being once so in love and alive
In defeat, you sink down to the floor
I find it somewhat comforting as I can see your shadow beneath the door
I never thought we could feel so unbound
And you never thought you would have to worry about your feet no longer touching the ground
Still, I cry into a towel, hoping to suppress the sound
I don't know if I meant to be alone
Or if I was hoping to be found
I close my eyes and think of that night before
How you carelessly let me walk out the door
I decided to sit on the beach
Maybe I somehow thought this would bring me answers or peace
I watched the moon, I listened to the breeze
They told me I could do this but it wouldn't be with ease
As I sat there and watched the waves, I realized
I could have drowned a thousand times
And never found myself dead
Because the coldest I've ever felt was lying in your bed
And when I finally did come home, in our bed fast asleep you laid
Perhaps hoping you could save this for yet another day
But as we both know, many mistakes have been made and too many tears have been shed
Because the most confused you've ever been was resting in my head
You knock quietly on the door, not knowing what else to do
You tell me to come out, that we can talk this through
A glimmer of hope, I just have to say yes
I start to get up when I feel the familiar pangs in my chest
So, instead, I tell you to leave me be
That you are the last person I wish to see
The door is unlocked and yet you still walk away
Probably going to tuck the kids in and tell them everything is okay
"Mommy's just upset, she's going to be fine"
You reassure them as you do every time
But I'm not and I've made up my mind
I'm running and leaving everything behind
So, please, tell our children I'm sorry and love them as you should
Because I think we both know by now, I'll never do them any good
Those are the words that you have said
Or maybe you never said them and they've just been dormant in my head
With a heavy heart and a bottle of pills,
I climb carefully from the windowsill
I run silently into the night
Knowing now that there is nothing left here to fight
Published 18th Mar 2019
| Edited 28th Mar 2019
Author's Note
I think most of us are terrified of becoming both of, if not at the very least one of our parents.
I guess to add more context, the man in this story is not the villain. When I started writing this in my head, you know, a line here, a line there, I didn't quite know what I was expressing. But when I put it all on paper, it became clear; I was indirectly writing about my parents. More so, it became clear to me that I was writing about being afraid of making the same mistakes that my mom has or continues to make for all I know. Regardless, I think this is a good way for me to express that type of emotion x
I guess to add more context, the man in this story is not the villain. When I started writing this in my head, you know, a line here, a line there, I didn't quite know what I was expressing. But when I put it all on paper, it became clear; I was indirectly writing about my parents. More so, it became clear to me that I was writing about being afraid of making the same mistakes that my mom has or continues to make for all I know. Regardless, I think this is a good way for me to express that type of emotion x
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 0
comments 7
reads 540
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
18th Mar 2019 8:32pm
Yes to your note if not consciously then subconsciously ... good write ... and felt ... Bless and love ...
18th Mar 2019 8:37pm
23rd Mar 2019 6:55am
I was engrossed.
I am inclined to comment the only thing we need is strength. Maybe vague to some, but what I would tell the woman in the story. Just must be strong and screw all desperate feelings of inevitable failure. Anyway, it was good to read it.
Best regard.
I am inclined to comment the only thing we need is strength. Maybe vague to some, but what I would tell the woman in the story. Just must be strong and screw all desperate feelings of inevitable failure. Anyway, it was good to read it.
Best regard.
23rd Mar 2019 8:15pm
Hello Emilyrose
I spent a wonderful couple of hours today, with a pot of Brazilian coffee and your poetry.
Thank You! I loved reading your words, I loved the angles you take and I thoroughly enjoyed your style of writing. This poem I loved for many reason's and I felt that you depicted the characters beautifully, from the opening line the imagery is wonderful, and one can almost feel her solitude on the other side of the door as she drags the reader into her story. That potent question in L3 is one I feel as people we often can't answer, "just how the hell we got here and why?" a perfectly placed line. The repeated isolation as she is comforted by a shadow was a masterful choice and very well timed in the piece.
I felt that the three lines ending in her alone in their bed was wonderfully poetic and the phrase is one many a writer would wish they had thought of. I have personal experience with exactly how icy cold that environment is and I feel you portrayed it perfectly.
The side swipe of the family involvement and her maternal instinct that he is protecting the children from her moment of weakness was outstanding. It jolts and almost surprises the reader as it jerks into the story.
The ending! As she alludes to her emotions which are obviously abused beyond repair and her choice to save herself as she chooses to fly. The ending is bloody magnificent and I felt myself taking that last line with me, it is memorable, strong and solid... "Knowing now that there is nothing left here to fight"
Thank you for filling my afternoon with wonderful words to read, this and your others. I thoroughly enjoyed the afternoon.
I would have some snarky crit notes for you, if you wanted them. As you indicated "friendly feedback" I obviously kept them to myself. Gimme a shout if you'd like a copy.
Thank you so much for your wonderful words.
Blue Skies at you
Al
I spent a wonderful couple of hours today, with a pot of Brazilian coffee and your poetry.
Thank You! I loved reading your words, I loved the angles you take and I thoroughly enjoyed your style of writing. This poem I loved for many reason's and I felt that you depicted the characters beautifully, from the opening line the imagery is wonderful, and one can almost feel her solitude on the other side of the door as she drags the reader into her story. That potent question in L3 is one I feel as people we often can't answer, "just how the hell we got here and why?" a perfectly placed line. The repeated isolation as she is comforted by a shadow was a masterful choice and very well timed in the piece.
I felt that the three lines ending in her alone in their bed was wonderfully poetic and the phrase is one many a writer would wish they had thought of. I have personal experience with exactly how icy cold that environment is and I feel you portrayed it perfectly.
The side swipe of the family involvement and her maternal instinct that he is protecting the children from her moment of weakness was outstanding. It jolts and almost surprises the reader as it jerks into the story.
The ending! As she alludes to her emotions which are obviously abused beyond repair and her choice to save herself as she chooses to fly. The ending is bloody magnificent and I felt myself taking that last line with me, it is memorable, strong and solid... "Knowing now that there is nothing left here to fight"
Thank you for filling my afternoon with wonderful words to read, this and your others. I thoroughly enjoyed the afternoon.
I would have some snarky crit notes for you, if you wanted them. As you indicated "friendly feedback" I obviously kept them to myself. Gimme a shout if you'd like a copy.
Thank you so much for your wonderful words.
Blue Skies at you
Al
22nd Apr 2019 8:46pm
WOW. Al, your comment just made my day, my entire week, in fact. You're too kind! I'm thrilled that you took time out of your day to read my poems and leave that heart felt comment! And for it to be this poem in particular is really something to me because this was one I second guessed myself on, so I'm pleasantly surprised. I actually would be totally open to critique; I haven't opened my comments to critiquing yet, but truthfully, I wouldn't mind it, especially coming from someone like you because you're a talented writer and I do feel I could really learn from you. Again, thank you so much for your time. It means a lot x
12th Mar 2024 10:21pm
Relationship always have been and will continue to be complex, some people fall out of love or just go through the motions trying to live without realizing the consequences it has on everyone around, including themselves. I know I've been there before and I have come to terms with my falls and shortcomings. Emotion abuse can be just as damaging to someone's mental health.
It's a powerful write, that's unique to your experience and yet relatable to many of us.
Thank you for sharing.
It's a powerful write, that's unique to your experience and yet relatable to many of us.
Thank you for sharing.
