deepundergroundpoetry.com
daydream at lunch
a plane growls overhead
invisible behind grey clouds
in the distance, white houses rest
on top a hill of yellowed reeds
before bluish backdrop of mountains
backed by more faded, teal lumps
the wind teases the hairs and tickles
the skin on the arms, laughs
blowing the mind's tumbleweeds
further down the empty trail
suddenly, a sedan parks;
the window rolls down,
voice asks, "Is this Linden?"
of the person benched
the person nods;
no sound is spared.
But the moment passes;
the stomach growls in upset.
invisible behind grey clouds
in the distance, white houses rest
on top a hill of yellowed reeds
before bluish backdrop of mountains
backed by more faded, teal lumps
the wind teases the hairs and tickles
the skin on the arms, laughs
blowing the mind's tumbleweeds
further down the empty trail
suddenly, a sedan parks;
the window rolls down,
voice asks, "Is this Linden?"
of the person benched
the person nods;
no sound is spared.
But the moment passes;
the stomach growls in upset.
Published 18th Jul 2018
| Edited 19th Jul 2018
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likes 2
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comments 2
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The author encourages honest critique.
18th Jul 2018 3:35pm
This is excellent, Gonezalo. The imagery is spot on ( faded teal lumps is imaginative and unique ).
The mood is also one indicative of minute escape from daily routine, it takes the reader right along with it.
One thing,
But the moment passes and
the stomach growls in upset.
I would lose that 'and' and use a semi to connect them instead.
The mood is also one indicative of minute escape from daily routine, it takes the reader right along with it.
One thing,
But the moment passes and
the stomach growls in upset.
I would lose that 'and' and use a semi to connect them instead.
19th Jul 2018 2:22am
