Misplaced Self

Reach for the gun
Take the last breath floating by the sun
And throw the roses into the earth
These tears were for you if it's any worth
Any worth to the lifeless and lost
Waiting for the moment the heart stops
Living to the mountain tops
and we fly..
If failing were the very essence of life
They would then say that I lived
or they would forget if I were dead
Because not many get past the eyes entering my head
That struggle to hold eye contact
That would let anyone know I'm beautiful in there
Long before I had a chance I already lost
Like a soldier thrown on the front lines
No training or what to expect
Just himself to fend for
What the fuck do I do?
When this is the only way I know how to be?
How do I know if I know myself?
When I dream of a different life
Where I hold my heart in my hands
and it slowly falls away into dust
And the pain is gone
Before waking into reality
No light filling the room only darkness
Which I easily adjust to
It's the feeling
Just before a tear enters your eye
And the skin begins to wrinkle
With your index finger slightly clasped in your palm
Watching trees blowing in the wind
With the slightest smile
Reminding me of my childhood, not knowing why
Until the leaves fall
Staring at the bare limbs of the branches
Wishing it would come back
Almost as if I relate to the tree
Not wanting to see many people on the street
Yet outside is where I feel most happy
Amongst the trees
The trees I now call family
Before the wind takes me away..