Girlfriend?

 
When she forces you to listen
To four hours of Leonard Cohen
It’s time to go

When she decides that celibacy
Would now do us both good
It’s time to go

When she asks politely if I would
Ever consider a suicide pact
It’s time to go

When her brother threatens to
Cut of my genitals with a knife
It’s time to go

When her sister says you picked
The wrong sister, “I’d fuck you!”
It’s time to think about going

When her Mom who’s always drunk
Keeps lustfully exposing herself
It’s again time to go

When her father looks at you and winks
Rubs his balls an blows you a kiss
It’s definitely time to go

When her entire drunken family
Drug your drink with Rohipnol
Strip you totally naked minus stockings
Stake you out on the back lawn
Spread-eagled like an Apache prisoner
Tied with long, wetted leather straps
And tell you they are going to torture you
Kill you, chop you up and incinerate
Most of your body parts, and eat the rest
It’s really all too late for procrastinating
You should have gone sooner