Eyesore

I'm familiar with this syndrome Duende.  I've found that shielding emotions can be a trap, and there are those mixed feelings about family.  I hope you're not going through this now.  If you are I hope writing about it helps.  It's an enthralling read.

Well... I think you mean you know someone who suffers from the same illness?
I had a relapse a year ago... fighting my way out of it now!  
 
Thank you for your comment, that means a lot to me!

I'm speaking for myself Duende.  I've personally had emotional problems like these.  Still do.  I'm very sorry about your relapse, and I hope the recovery goes as smoothly as possible.  I don't believe for a minute you're an eyesore.

Your words are always perfect. A true poet of the time :-)

You make this girl blush...

Thank you for your amazing comment!

Thank you so much for your extensive comment, Boian!

I'm (pleasantly) surprised that it doesn't sound like my usual lines... I was a bit afraid that the editing (which I obviously do a lot) had taken away the emotion that I wanted to paint! That you thought it was more personal means a lot to me and yes... you guessed right...

Great to hear you listened to the song and thought it was fitting :-)

The trick to trust is that you have to learn to trust yourself first, and that can be so hard.

You could probably drop the last line, because you already said earlier in the poem that you were trying to be someone else. If you end it on the weightless line, visually the poem will end on a line shorter than the one before, so it gives the effect of diminishing. Just a couple of thoughts.

For what it's worth, I think you're quite lovable.

Thank you for your comment and saying I'm lovable :-)  
 
Well... the repetition was on purpose! I went over this poem back and forth countless times, because it's my most personal and vulnerable poem... everything stays as it is!

Dear Adam, your comment moves me deeply!  
   
This piece of me was indeed unrevealed...  
I had a hard time posting it, but part of the healing process is not hiding myself anymore!
I'm grateful to have found a place where I can be myself!  
   
Thank you so much for your comment, I truly appreciate your words!

Wow... Such a powerful piece. The emotions are strong and I am sending you lots of love. I can feel the push and pull. A bit hard to read (such a sensitive subject but still good nevertheless). I know the feeling of never feeling good enough. Thanks for sharing this piece for us to read.

Thank you so much for your comment, Eswaller!  
 
Before posting it I wondered how it would be for other people to read, I can imagine it being a bit hard! I tried to keep the beginning neutral, because I know a lot of people know the feeling of not being good enough...  

Thank you for letting me know that part resonated with you!

Very, very powerful piece.
The depth of your words overflow immensely.
We are our own worse enemy. That is for certain.
((Hugs)) to you, sweet Duende 💓

We truly are our own worse enemy!

Overflow immensely... wow, how to comment on that?
It means you felt my words, something I am very grateful for!

Thank you so much for your comment, sweet Heart (sounds funny)

Hugs back ♥

Duende the words here pack such an important punch with such vulnerability...I commend you and it pleases me to see you feel you can be "you" here in the Underground...and whoever you grew up with influencing such feelings about yourself not being good enough should go bowling with my parents...they seem like they'd get along splendidly sadly enough...Heart hugging you!

xoxo Taryn

Dear Taryn, you made me laugh out loud with your 'go bowling with my parents'

Thank you so much for your comment, it is indeed a very vulnerable poem (and subject) and it was difficult to post, but I'm glad I did!

So many amazing people here :-)

You've really gone deeper in this one, Duende, and I can only admire your strength. Some of us never learn to be ourselves, never take the time to get to know ourselves, but I'm glad you've found a place to do just that. A lot of amazing people here...

Thank you so much for sharing this, it really gives me a whole new perspective.

Dear Kasai, your comments are so valuable... so appreciated!

You are the first to mention that it gives a whole new perspective and I'm not surprised you saw that! This part is with me for so long that is has influenced every aspect of my life... it says a lot about me and my poetry! That's why I decided to reveal it...

Thank you so much for your words... they mean a lot to me!

Thank you so much for your comment, Aemelia!

You made me smile by seeing butterfly wings in my stanzas :-)
Our mind can be a prison, but I'm sure I will be free one day!

beautiful Duende this touched my heart so deeply waiting to be weightless how I so relate to this.. how I wish I could shed my dreaded flesh and be someone new..

raw, honest ink lovely one..

hugs Brenda

Thank you so much, lovely Crim!
 
You are clever... you felt that 'waiting to be weightless' has nothing to do with weightloss!
It's the longing to 'disappear'
 
That this poem touched you means a lot to me!
 
I really appreciate your comment!
 
Love, Duende

This is so me! Fragile, gentle, hurting! Reading you makes me appreciate myself more, because like you, I also self hate but I read your writing and see you are so beautiful and think she should know this... so given I see myself in you perhaps I can see beauty in myself. This made sense in my head so I hope you know what I mean 😁💜

Thank you so much for your comment!

That you appreciate yourself more, because of my poetry means more to me than words can express! Your explanation makes perfect sense to me and I think (hope) that we fragile souls can become stronger by meeting kindred souls, this is truly a beautiful place and I'm glad you're in it!

I really appreciate you! ♥

Hardly believe you're anything close to an eyesore... So I'm pretty sure you meant, when people see u, u make their eyes soar! :)
Stay strong sweetie

Well... this has something to do with a negative self image, but again... you make me blush and smile :-) (how do you that?)

Thanks for another amazing comment, my friend!

Hugs extended Ms, and sis you're betta than this,
if no one else says it.


Powerfully painful and thank you for the add

Thank you so much for your comment and the hugs!

You've chosen to not allow comments and I respect that, but I want you to know that 'It's not your fault' moved me deeply... more than words can express! "your heart’s too tired to take another blow" inspired my next poem (it's in the poem, but reworded) I considered messaging you, but welll... you gave me an opportunity (hope you don't mind)

Thank you, I really appreciate you!

so deep

Thank you and welcome to my page!

It's so refreshing, to be an artist. To be capable of taking our pain and painting beautiful art over the walls of our minds and hearts. So many people are just eaten alive by their pain. We are truly blessed.

I'm still in the process of learning about things like this. But, many mental uniqueness's are products of false paradigms. And, in my opinion, are adapted and adjusted appropriately by reprogramming ourselves.

There's a good reason that the experts refer to our neocortex as the "rational lying brain".

At first, when I found out that it's human nature to lie, I didn't like it, because it broke down my personal paradigm, that I'm always honest. I never lie. But, unfortunately, that was a lie.

More specifically, we lie to ourselves.

I find it fascinating that the phrase, "I'm unlovable" is so common. I mean, when it's broken down. Do our parents not love us? Do our children not love us? Well, they do. So, why do we say we're unlovable? Because we're not getting the specific attention that we think we deserve. We aren't treated in the way that we think we deserve to be treated.

We are lovable. That's the truth, in so many ways. And, even when we think we don't, we secretly DO know it.

First off... thank you so much for your extensive comment!

Some wise and thought-provoking words you shared...

I never knew that experts refer to the neocortex as the rational lying brain, but I do believe thoughts hold a lot of power! Having kind and positive thoughts can be healing, both mentally and phsyically, but that's quite a challenge for someone who uses to self sabotage like me...

About not feeling lovable... I think the key lies in learning to love yourself first, because as long as you don't love yourself it's hard to feel loved by others and how about if you learned that only parts of you are lovable? In the end... life is a learning experience though it can be a rough ride at times...

I really appreciate your thoughts, my friend!

Thank you :-)

Oh dear. This one's rather bleak.

I know, but some things need out...  

I really wanted to share this part of me, though it was difficult...

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment!

Burrrgrhh sh**! I knew you tusche would be soul daring, inking what no one else would have the balls to. Wow! capturing myself being moved, yes i am and was not expecting to be this greatly shifted.

Thank you so much for your comment and the reading list add, your words moved me deeply! As you can understand it was difficult to write and release, but I wanted to share this side of me... I really appreciate you!

Holy frigging fuck this was deep, painful.. brilliant in all that it is. I'm in awe of how you pave a journey for your readers with your ink. If only I could pen my thoughts this way..

Now you got me speechless... I don't have the right words to describe how much your comment means to me and thank you doesn't cover it, but... Thank You!    

"If only I could pen my thoughts this way" > I feel the same way about your poetry!

As the reader, your poem brought me back to an insecure time in my life; Filled with anxiety and doubt. Crazy, raw and self distructive.
Great work!

Thank you so much for your comment! I really appreciate your thoughts on this vulnerable poem of mine...

Heart wrenching.. I know this is an old one but it’s worth every ounce of validity I can offer. These things have a way cycling back throughout our lives, I know personally. The Sarah Bareilles song has made it onto my playlist for days when I need to let it out. Thank you for being so brave Duende, stay strong sister ❤️

Thank you so much for visiting this one, dear nightbirdblue!

Yes, they cycle back... unlike alcohol and drugs we can't live without food. I never thought it would return, but here I am... fighting it again...

Ah, the song... like you I can listen to it for days in a row, it made me smile that song is dear to you too! Honored by the reading list, sister ❤️

You too... stay strong!