Waking Up, alone

she woke up alone again
cold blanket wrapped around her
no tug from the right side of the bed
or a poke on the rib with an elbow

she closed her eyes
mightily holding back the tears
they seeped through her eyelids
and wet her short lashes

a grandchild ran in and snuggled
chubby hands grasping her tired body
no whoops no irritating braying laughter
from her other side

his smell still lingered on the old bed
the horrid odour of stale tobacco
she thought of the lazy smoke from his pipe
placed carefully on a ceramic dish

she wanted to burrow into yesterday
and scold the old man, her beloved
forty years of loving
never changed his attitude

she sat up as the clock strike nine
she couldn't sleep forever
searching the dreamscapes
for a glimpse of the old fool

looking out of the window
waving to her child with her child
she glimpsed a familiar face
mirrored beside her on the window

she smiled sadly as she looked around
forty years of loving made him a part of her
he seemed to stay with her in brief glimpses
yet she knew she couldn't haunt him forever.

*this poem was entered in a competition here. thank you for reading*