Blame

Hello Blame
I want you so much
Calling out for you, screaming
I'd give anything to find you
Please, stop cloaking
Just tell me where you hide
So I can lift this knife
From inside

Oh, fuck, Blame
I usually despise your presence
Because you fall on me
And crush me to the brim
It's hard to get you off
Because you seem to get off
Suffocating me
So it's ironic how now I need you to breathe

Tell me what I did wrong
And why I deserved this torture
Please, please justify it
Show me how to understand
You must have a clue
I'm so desperate for answers
I'll take whatever you give me
Please, anything
Just make it make sense

A tiny piece of logic
Bent to fix the brokenness
To manipulate the whole of my emotions
And fill the holes in my thoughts
Feed me what you know I'll digest
Taint the blood coursing through my veins
It's the only way to affect my heart
I can't stand the beating
So infect my reality
And poison my perception with rhythmic precision
I'll swallow fragmented lies
If they taste like truth

I'm tangled and twisted
Sickness is the cure
Can't inject myself safely
Say you'll medicate my head
I feel like I am paying
But for what? I don't know
Transaction details are lost
Much of my currency was taken
But why was it withdrawn?
Only you know
Only you can pretend you know
I wouldn't seek you out or ask if I knew
Or if I found out how to find more solidity than you

I am receptive to your narrative
You have the best access to my mind
So tell me your story
Where the main character drowns in sorrow
For whatever reasons you decide
Whatever facts deem one no longer worthy of swimming, even floating
Without resistance I will listen
And just believe you... I believe you

Cuddle me in your blanket of all-consuming darkness
I know how to get to the light from your grasp
Escaping you is hard work
But at least it's a fair fight
I've never wanted so badly to be attacked
By one of the enemies that lives inside of me
I'd never imagined it could be helpful
But from the first time I did
I was sure that it has to be
And if not, that it was worth a shot
Cuz I haven't been scared of getting killed
Since the day I woke up carrying a lifeless soul in my hollow functioning body
But I'll play fearful to get you going
If that's what you want

I'm willing to sift through the emptiness
To find more validity in shards that cut me
The ones I've found just aren't enough
I need more
There must be something I missed
Something I couldn't quite comprehend
You know where to look
Or how to create false clarity
Help me discover it
Lend me your eyes
Let me use your hands
So I can see things from your view
And feel the burn in all you touch
Don't leave me because I need you
As much as I know you like that game
Please, I beg you to help me
I need to make friends with Blame