Still A Junkie

honesty I think I manage them pretty well.. I keep myself out of trouble anyway ;)

thank you Todski for the insight drink one for me I'm sober tonight well except the Xanax and caffeine..

love Brenda

I laugh when I hear people say they used to be addicted to things.  You will always be addicted.  You either choose to use it or not.  Lots of truth here.  Thanks for sharing.

I think I will remain thusly until I die I'm a lioness who can't change what she is..  
 
thank you for your deep insight..  
 
love Crim

You haven't found anything to replace your addiction, that's all.

I write and paint still I crave thank you Billy for your thoughts you're appreciated..

love Crim

A honest, raw piece.
Your vulnerability is so very beautiful. 💓
I love the release of writing. It helps to chase some of my demons.

Thank you for sharing pieces of you...with us, beautiful Crim.

thank you lovely Heart for finding beauty in this revealing write..

love Crim

Eh . . . You are gonna do what you're gonna do. If that's is the case,
fuck everything and delve into the gory that is being fucked up on drugs.
Sorry, Brenda, but if I can get straight anyone can. 'Course you have to
really want to . . . Your poem hurt me . . .

straight up like I like it Jerry thank you..

love Brenda

To be human is to be junkie... chemical dependent junkie, ego junkie, money junkie, junked up on jesus juice... take your pick. If you're none of them you're probably a high horse riding pride junkie...

I never thought of it that way yes in a way we all have a vice thank you :)

love Crim

If we don't smooth the edges off somehow then it feels like we're losing the fight...

very true we all need something thank you..

love Crim

Once an addict, always an addict... sometimes the demon is stronger, sometimes you are stronger, but the demon will never leave I'm afraid...

This piece truly resonates with me! No experience with drugs, but I have my own destructive ways of dealing with pain...
I admire you for writing about it, stay strong Crim!

Love, Duende

thank you lovely Duende for the insight and shared experience how be it with other things life deals..

love Crim

Wasted in the dark heat

Love

thank you Poet knew you would get me..

love you..

xo Brenda

Hullo

below are a few suggestions, if any of them work for you, happy days

you could lose "plain and simple"  have "I'm a junkie" to start with, plain and simple without the words, space a line between it and the next line for maximum effect

away should be two words. sooner or later you'll have to try think of a different way to say ' my monster '  reach in there and get a good look at it, look it in the eyes see what you see

I think "when I get bored with life" would work better and if you switched realizing to realize you'll get a nice little subtle rhyme out of it

obviously the above advice was wrote with respect in mind

content wise, I'd be lying if I said I didn't dectect a touch of defeatism or resignation of sorts, which could only be detrimental if taken literally. there's not much romance with dying alone in a bath

anyhow, grand raw stuff, Lady C  

keep shinnin'

hey there Craic deeply appreciate your keen eye made the suggested changes and you're right flows better.. as far as digging deeper and actually identifying more clearly this demon will take some doing.. I've not given in though I can see how this seems defeatism talk.. I hope my honesty will confront others as well as myself with the fact of the present for me and possibly others.. thank you my friend..  
 
love Crim

This proves how much of a strong woman you are, Crim. You don't hide behind a mask and pretend to be someone else. You paint a clear picture of who are. I think that's why others love you so much. I tip my hat to you.

thank you Lord Hades I'm just trying to be real with myself and confront this in black and white many time my own words slap me around and wake me up..

love Crim

it's raw like you always do, Crim.
wish they made a replacement to fix all those fixes;
wish there was a pill for it...

yeah John me too but then that would just be a different kind of fix..

thank you for your thoughts..

love Crim

I love that you can look your truth in the eye, nod and say "Yup, there you are" and still stand and face it down. I guess as long as you don't blink first you're winning the stare down. Much love :)
Willow

thank you lovely Willow I was watching Drug Store Cowboy and heard the quote and realized how little I've really changed was a sobering reality..

love Crim

I am a person that totally believes you must trade addictions. It's up to the person to decide what kind of addition that is.
Really enjoy your writes Crim. Everything you say you say with such passion.

thank you DC for your thoughts and visit you're appreciated..

love Crim

thank you most kindly..

love Crim

We are all broken....
That's how the light gets in....
B. I know the last thing you want to read is a quirky little quote. Just know you're not alone. I appreciate your honesty... especially trading one demon for another.
It's a lonely ass road when, the only thing you can count on is your demon.
Never apologize for who you are or where you have been. People can judge all they want. They unlike you hide what lures them back every time. Your a Master at your craft here. Be careful love. You have purpose. It just takes sometimes too fucking long to realize. Being a junkie does not define you. It's just the way we addicts get through the pain. Being numb is something we all have in common. No bullshit, I actually know what you go through. Again thank you for your honesty. At least you speak truth.
Love ya Brenda
Trish

thank you beautiful soul for accepting who I am and for the light you've shined on my heart this morning.. I deeply appreciate you sharing your own experiences and insight.. I know there is life past the numb I just have to learn how to accept it..

love you Trish..

xo Brenda

My honesty been out there this whole time. People just don't get it

I love your honesty Trish and deep appreciate it..

love Brenda

Being an addict is like being a soldier in war.
Even when the war is over, it isn't. It flashes
back in the mind by the least little trigger;
bombs explode and rockets fly across the
landscape of memory.

Still, you've reclaimed the body; and the mind
knowing it is to follow - will fight you all the way.

Thank you for sharing, Brenda.

thank you Sage one that's exactly what it's like I deeply appreciate your insight..

love Brenda

Brenda.. straight up truth.. our demons are always there.. and though we fight daily, it's never easy.. and you're right if you give up one habit, you trade it in for another.. and that's not totally an addicts fault.. doctors always put you on something to stop using, or drinking.. but replace it with something else for us to become dependent on.. the war never ends.. love you, beautiful one..



Dave

thank you Dave yes the docs put me on so many meds to come off methadone now I'm hooked on them and so it continues..

love Brenda

I've got my share of addictions so can feel much of this.  I think the trick is to accept it like you have and try to cope, if not fully control.  I'm glad you're off the needle though Crim.  I cringe at the thought.  

thank you Sir Crow yes things were definitely worse back then when on heroin..

love Crim

My Beautiful Brenda, I have arrived late for this one and I must say I echo all the many before me. You know how strong I feel you are, how undeniably vulnerable you make yourself with your straight up honesty....regardless of what others may think....courage and strength...I admire and love you so deeply for it all.

I love you

xoxxo Taryn

thank you beautiful one I believe in you and cherish your thoughts..

I love you so much..

xo Brenda

Precious Crim........one thing that has never changed thru the years that I've known you is that your soul is beautiful.......I luv how you always look deep within yourself and share what you find with us........you give so much hope to all who know you......I'm so blessed to have crossed paths in life with you......luv ya beautiful soul & heart xo :)

aw thank you lovely Flower yes we have indeed known each other for many years just wanted to say I'm gifted to have crossed paths with a soul such as yours even more so..

love Crim

Ahhh, Unveiling, luv ~  

Here you are in all your unexpurgated glory, sharing your arduous travail with us ~ and, we are blessed indeed by your ineffable grace and your naked, unveiled truth.  

You are strong beyond all reckoning, luv, though I know you feel otherwise. You live, you strive, you battle ~ some days, the war feels as though it's lost; others, won; still others, tense attrition prevails.  

Throughout it all, luv, you remain: a crimson jewel of peerless worth, immeasurable value. :-*

Remember, luv: every impressive achievement in this world was accomplished after much failure or by accident. ;-p I have faith in you. We do what we can, chérie, ne c'est pas? But, chère, do not diminish your accomplishments, never that.  

All our lives, we learn how to go about this business of living... :-*


***

As always, Crimsin, your writing is intensely powerful and superb.

dearest Savaja I thank you humbly for gracing my pages and for finding the poetry within my struggle.. I deeply appreciate you beautiful soul..

love Crimsin

Ahhh, luv ~  
 
Thank you for your immense patience with me as I have struggled through my own madness and messy morass for so long. I have withdrawn and become quite insular and for that, I apologize, luv.  
 
You are ever deeply poetic. :-*  
 
Thank you so much; you remind me that continuing to strive is a large part of the battle...

sending my love to you beautiful Savaja and your continued recovery you give me hope :)

love Crim

I am too. Always. My addictions take a hold of me even still. I not perfect and sometimes cant just say no just for today. However, I have made peace with who I am. Hugs and love Miss B. <3

thank you Mysterious one for sharing your experiences with me I will find a way as well to come to peace with who I am win or falter..

love Brenda

XOXOXOX

hugs and kisses lovely Mysterious one :)

love Brenda

Very honest, and for me, true. I got clean for almost 2 yrs, but I replace my choice of drug with food, then put food down and replaced it with studying, now I've gone back to using. Always a junkie! Never at peace or free.

Very honest, and for me, true. I got clean for almost 2 yrs, but I replace my choice of drug with food, then put food down and replaced it with studying, now I've gone back to using. Always a junkie! Never at peace or free from our own minds

Very honest, and for me, true. I got clean for almost 2 yrs, but I replace my choice of drug with food, then put food down and replaced it with studying, now I've gone back to using. Always a junkie! Never at peace or free from our own minds

we live to fight another day hopefully confronting our demons thank you for sharing your experiences with me..

much love Crim

thank you Johnny :)

love Crim