Torn Between Two Lovers

Torn Between Two Lovers

     She asks, “Where are you from Hua?”
     I say, “Singapore.”
     Sarah says, “Yea, I’ve heard a lot about Singapore. That’s where you get the death penalty for having a few ounces of pot.”
     I look up at the ceiling fan as it turns slowly feeling the light breeze. I say, “I couldn’t stand it there. I felt stifled.”
     Sarah puts her hands in her lap as her legs fall open. She says, “I know how you feel. My father is an Orthodox Jew. My mother is of Irish descent. She converted to Judaism when they married. They have really old-fashioned religious beliefs. They’re even more conservative than most Orthodox Jews. They act like they’re living in nineteenth century Krakow. My father even arranged my marriage. I was forced to marry and make love to a man I never loved. I can’t tell you how humiliating it was. This man was a Yeshiva Rabbinical student who made me feel ashamed for what he called my unnatural urges.  When I wanted to try new things he would chastise me. He even forbade me to leave the house when he was really angry.   I felt degraded. I love my heritage and my people but I couldn’t tolerate this.”
     We are silent for a moment. Sarah speaks softly, “Hua, are you married?”
     I feel crestfallen. I don’t want to be reminded of Chen right now. I want the magic of the moment to last. However, I know it is unavoidable. I say, “Yes. I am married to a man who loves me dearly.”
     Sarah says, “Well do you love him?”
     I whisper, “Yes.”
     She asks, “Then why are you here?” She smiles and quips, “Is he playing around on you? I’ve known quite a few like that. Most men think with their penis!”
     I reply, “Oh my no. His penis belongs to me.”
     She refrains, “Then why are you here today?”
    I say, “I’m fascinated by you. Your femininity  enchants me.”
     Sarah asks, “Do you have children?”
     I look down at the Persian rug my feet rest on. I say, “No children. My womb is a barren desert.”
     Sarah sits up and leans closer to me. She says, “I can see how much you love your husband. The look in your eyes is telling.”
     Sarah looks serious. She asks, “Does he know you’re here?”
     I say, “No.”
     Sarah says, “Are you sure you want to do this?”
     I look at Sarah’s strawberry-blonde hair falling across her creamy shoulders. I say, “Oh yes. I want to very much.”
     Sarah smiles and says, “Well I know I want to fuck you. Why don’t we get started?”
     Sarah leads me into the bedroom. Her sapphire eyes burn the color of deep blue arctic ice.  She disrobes and lies entangled in linen sheets like a birthday present ready to be unwrapped. The room is illuminated by the soft glow of flickering candles. Persian rugs hang from the wall.
     Their arabesque designs bring back memories of the intricate mosaics in the mosque which I sneaked into back in Singapore. I used to love to run my fingers over the inlaid stones and trace the patterns. The sense of beauty was beyond words.
     She gazes up at me with her china blue eyes and our eyes meet in a sharing of intimate knowledge of each other. I shed my summer dress.
     I sit on the bed next to Sarah and think of how men must desire Sarah. I imagine telling those men “Isn’t she angelic? Look at those fathomless eyes. Don’t you long to get lost in her? One could find paradise on earth in her arms.”    
     The smoke from the candles coils upward like snakes. I can smell the jasmine burning in the mother of pearl inlaid incense burner sitting on the cherry wood table.  I watch mesmerized as Sarah stretches, cat-like, beneath the sheets.
     She rises and French kisses me. She gives me the gift of her love, a gift she never shares with any man. She divests me of my intimate apparel.
     We cuddle together like doves in a nest. I sink my fingers into the supple flesh of her derriere. She answers my touch by cupping my place of original magic. My hips rise up to meet her hand. They undulate like gentle ocean waves against her shore. We do a Tai Chi duet as I roll under her caress.
     Her creamy skin is lustrous in the candlelight. She steps in the shower. I follow her in and we bathe like nymphs in at a sacred spring. I wash her back gently pressing the cloth into her crevices.
     I know Chen is worried about me. I feel disoriented like a ship lost at sea. I know Chen loves me more than life itself and that I love him. Yet we have different dreams. I cannot deny the feelings I have for Sarah. Though I wonder if what I feel isn’t infatuation which will pass with time. I have discovered a new facet of my erotic being through this woman which I cannot satisfy with any man not even Chen.
     Even if my attraction to Sarah is temporary, I cannot turn back on the path I have set out on. Sarah has awakened emotions in me I never knew I had. How can I deny these feelings which are at the core of my being?
    Yet how can I hurt so deeply this man who has sacrificed his dreams for me? I wonder if he will survive without me. I know him intimately and know there was a strong possibility he will literally die of a broken heart if he loses me.
     Morning dawns. I begin weeping and Sarah holds me. She rocks me gently. Sunlight pours through the window upon her nakedness. The cusp of her thighs is blanketed in shadow. Her angelic face is enraptured. Her milky skin radiates warmth.
     I kiss her nipples. Her rosebud tips swell ‘tween my lips like grapes in spring. I am an open book for her to decipher my secrets. She has delicately removed the last undergarments covering my soul. She beckons me with gentle determination, to open the innermost chamber of my heart to her compassionate touch.
    I dip my tongue into the source of her pleasure and delve deep into her mysterious folds. Each undulation of her body pulls me further into her warm sea. I taste the sensual brew of her cappuccino with its rich aroma wafting across me. Deep shudders rock her corporeal form. My head rests in the valley of her lap.
     She says, “We’re starting a commune uptown. You’d be welcome there. You’d really blossom among us. Don’t let your fears rule your life. Join us.”
     I plead with her, “I want to be free.”
     She answers me, “My woman’s intuition tells me you aren’t ready. It was really great. I hope we meet again.”
     I implore her, “So this is it? We just say goodbye?”
     She replies, “I’m not rushing you off. Would you like some coffee? I can brew some for you.”
     I look up from her warm lap. I say, “Your kiss is sweeter than chocolate.”
     She winks at me. She says, “You don’t give up easy. I love that in a woman.”
     I look up into her eyes. I say, “I can cook the best vegetarian lasagna you’ve ever tasted.”
     She looks down at me with misty eyes. She says, “I’m an old fashioned girl. Let’s get hitched.”
     I nestle my head against her warm crux. I say, “I’m tickled pink by your proposal. This sure has been a whirlwind romance.”
     Sarah shifts her legs. She says, “Will you be my wedded wife till death do us part?”
     I reply, “My darling, let’s not concern ourselves with the future for now. Let’s stay in the moment, for the present is all we have.”
      I know I have to stay with Sarah. I am just beginning to understand this strange riddle which is my heart. I am growing in ways I cannot understand at the moment. Golden dreams unfold like rose petals in my heart. Dreams of love roll like a river so mighty that even death cannot stop its flow. I will walk, hand in hand, with her on this shore of woman.