afraid

There are so many things that suck
about living life alone
The loneliness is obvious
Nighttime is the worst
Not just for the empty space next to me in bed
Not just for the heart that never beats against my chest
But when I try to fall asleep the phantoms come to me
And if they take me in my sleep no one will know I've ceased to be
Weeks could go by but for the smell
Of my lifeless rotting corpse
Or as my fluid leftovers seep through the floor down to the bar beneath me
into the drinks of drunks who might wonder what's the extra in their glass?
Until someone spots me pooling up on the barroom floor
And then looks up to see me dripping down on them
Right in the eye of the guy who keeps playing the dam jukebox
Night after night with the same dam songs I've come to hate
Maybe I can spill some of my guts into that box
To short out the power and burn the building down to the ground
Until that time I am up here dying by myself with no one else
No one knows how it feels to be alone for twenty-four years
The word loneliness died so long ago I can't remember how good it used to feel
And whatever this emptiness has become inside my twisted tree
Now makes me long for the nights when I could cry myself to sleep
At least I knew that I was alive as ghosts do not shed tears
For so long there's been no one here laying next to me
Waking up to sunlight next to my breathless, still cold body
When the night before I was so warm and loving as she slept
Inside of my embrace until the morning when she wept
So I guess it's for the best to pass away and be un-mourned
Then be reborn a mass of gelatin in the drinks of drunks who taste loneliness
at the bottom of each glass they down
Until at last their sorrows drown