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Poem of 2024

Grace
IDryad
Tyrant of Words
126awards
Joined 25th Aug 2011
Forum Posts: 17039

Ashriyon said:Hello I was wondering if someone could give me some feedback on my poem I wrote?

"In a crowd where no one sees,  
I stand beneath the weight of stares,  
Like a shadow in a gallery,  
A canvas painted with their fears.  

A heart, vibrant but hidden deep,  
Layered beneath the surface bright,  
Knowing the echoes that cut and seep,  
Through the silence of a lonely night.  

I wear a mask of smiles and jest,  
Laughing off the pain I feel,  
Risking trust, a daily test,  
In a world where wounds remain concealed.  

I bend my soul to fit their mold,  
Changing colors to blend in line,  
With every compromise, I feel less bold,  
Yearning for a love that’s truly mine.  

When the rain falls, my tears align,  
A mingling of sorrow, a soft refrain,  
But in the depths, a hope will shine,  
For one who sees me beyond the pain.  

To be embraced for every flaw,  
To find a heart that understands,  
A hand in mine, without a flaw,  
A promise in the shifting sands.  

So I’ll keep searching through the haze,  
For that rare soul who holds the key,  
To shatter glass and end the maze,  
And love me wholly, just for me."


Hi, that's a great poem. You can put it up in your own page and ask for honest critic. Or go here for comments.
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/workshop/read/12758/#577408

Ashriyon
Strange Creature
Joined 21st Nov 2024
Forum Posts: 4

Okay thank you very much!

ajay
Dangerous Mind
Palestine 2awards
Joined 21st Mar 2023
Forum Posts: 2117



The Golden Rule

She went to Northern China in December;
the wind was cold and cut her like a knife.
She shivered violently, could not remember
ever being colder in her life.

Her teeth like castenets were chattering,
her sandy toes had turned a shade of blue,
her teeth would very soon be shattering
and then she'd need some false ones – Boo, hoo, hoo!

'I wish I'd put me thermal knickers on!'

the Blue-Sand Girl wailed out in deep despair.
'The ones I'm wearing are of thin cotton.
'I'm feeling a terrific draught down there!'

Then ajay walked into this verse once more,
a pair of thermal knickers in his hand.
'You left these once upon me bedroom floor,'
he said, 'This freezing cold they will withstand.'

'Oh, thank you, ajay!' cried the Blue-Sand Girl.
'Without you, I don't know what I would do.'
She put those knickers on and gave a twirl.
'You've stopped my little – er –  toes from turning blue!' 🙃

Our Hero said, 'Oh, babes, you must remember,
heed this most important Golden Rule:
Don't visit Northern China in December!
Come stay with me in sunny Liverpool!'
🙃




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7F7hDYDzwU4&pp=ygUdaSBkb250IGtub3cgd2hhdCBsaXZlcnBvb2wgZmM%3D



You're not well over the hill. I bet you can still throw a few shapes on the – er – dance floor. 🙃

💃🕺


Grace
IDryad
Tyrant of Words
126awards
Joined 25th Aug 2011
Forum Posts: 17039


Emptied
..my muse went to timbuctoo and won't be back anytime soon

Emptied of words, all written out
no pretty words, no poems or prose

staring out of the window
thoughts meandering like a late show

showing all the things in the past
and the living room in my cloud castle

just like a train track overgrown
by weeds and wildflowers


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qDIr0yvZ5g

ajay
Dangerous Mind
Palestine 2awards
Joined 21st Mar 2023
Forum Posts: 2117



Even a Muse needs a break now and again
or
Steamin' and a-tootin'!
or
Stealin' a line from Grace's poem
🙃

Just like a train track overgrown by weeds,
her poet mind lies sleeping in the sun.
The train that's full of Inspiration's seeds
won't come. It seems her poem life is done.
That train which always rattles down her track
and fills her mind with images and light
has gone to Timbuctoo. Will it come back?
It's carried off her Muse, so she can't write.
But wait! What's this that's thun'drin' down the line
and puffin' out a smokyfiery cloud?

The Inspiration Train is bang on time,
its whistle shrilling out, both clear and loud!
Her track's no longer overgrown by weeds;
now poems bloom from Inspiration's seeds.🙃

🚂 🌼🌻🌺🌹🌸🌷💐


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4tJSn0QtME&pp=ygUNZG9vYmllcyB0cmFpbg%3D%3D

🚂 🌻🌹💐🌼🌺🌸🌷


I've sent the Train to fetch her, travelling first-class. 🙃

🚂 🌼🌺🌸🌷💐



Grace
IDryad
Tyrant of Words
126awards
Joined 25th Aug 2011
Forum Posts: 17039

Rise

.... Muse ain't here yet maybe  she fell off the train.. methinks she ran into the woods to amuse the wildlife...🤔🫢🤓

ghosts danced in the peripheral light of her eyes
tugging at her heartstrings
asking her to remember things
best left in the box of memories
and buried in an unmarked  grave

there was a time when she'd linger
and read each diary page, smile or weep
wishing to go back to relive
instances of bad decisions
this time she refused to turn written pages
and force herself to stare at the next unwritten piece

you're not alone she whispered
and started to write
ghosts danced in the peripheral light of her eyes...
and she swept up to the sun
🌹
https://youtu.be/8L6KGuTr9TI?si=sPOksAHOq58Isvfz

ajay
Dangerous Mind
Palestine 2awards
Joined 21st Mar 2023
Forum Posts: 2117



Flying

Meanwhile, our boy kept dancing down the track
and travelled all the way to Timbuctoo
in search of Grace's Muse, to bring her back;
but where she was, exactly, he'd no clue.
He hunted in the woods, most everywhere,
and looked beneath each leafy bush and tree,
but Grace's Muse – alas! – just was not there,
that much, at least, was plain for him to see.
But as he sighed he looked up into space
and saw a hat, a girl, go flying past,
a great big writing smile upon her face.
He grinned. She'd found her missing Muse at last.
In unexpected form her Muse had come
and swept the Blue-Sand Girl up to the sun.☀️


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2Cti12XBw4&pp=ygUPc3VuZGF5IG1vcm5pbmcg

☀️🐬🖌️

Be sure to keep your hat on. It's hot up there. ☀️👒


☀️

ChaosScripted
Nathans Chaos
Lost Thinker
United States
Joined 23rd Nov 2024
Forum Posts: 7

Definitely well written and deeply moving. Thank you.

ChaosScripted
Nathans Chaos
Lost Thinker
United States
Joined 23rd Nov 2024
Forum Posts: 7

Great poem. Powerfully written! Thank you.

ajay
Dangerous Mind
Palestine 2awards
Joined 21st Mar 2023
Forum Posts: 2117

ChaosScripted said:Great poem. Powerfully written! Thank you.
Cheers! 👍

Grace
IDryad
Tyrant of Words
126awards
Joined 25th Aug 2011
Forum Posts: 17039

Blood Sacrifice
...I laughed looking up the sun. I wonder if I flew up, would they see my knickers from below maybe I should try when its moonlight clear...

At church today, I remembered incense from the altar
I remembered the long chants of Agnus Dei
the songs that we sang Tantum Ergo Sacramentum
and the Litanies of the Saints

I remember someone who said when faced with darkness
inevitable illness and death one wondered
to whom shall we speak to and beg surcease
from pain and all the hurt that our soul carried

the sermon was not short
I confess I napped for 15 minutes
I bed forgiveness for being inattentive
Eyes closed with internal prayers



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZcunzYdxAU



ajay
Dangerous Mind
Palestine 2awards
Joined 21st Mar 2023
Forum Posts: 2117



Prayer

Our boy today is on his knees again
and praying that the Mighty Reds will win.
A sad defeat would cause him so much pain,
a sting much greater than his greatest sin.
'Dear Football Gods,' he pleads, 'who art above,
don't let the opposition score a goal
against the Reds today, the team I love!
Please let us win! I'll swap you my sweet soul!'

But will those Football Gods pay heed to prayer,
or will our boy end up with broken heart
because those Football Gods just did not care
and ripped his earnest football prayer apart?
Those Gods had mercy, made his dream come true:
for Liverpool have won again, 3-2. ⚽🙃⚽

😎

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EErSKhC0CZs&pp=ygUmeSBoYWxsIGFuZCBvYXRlcyBseXJpY3N1IG1ha2UgbXkgZHJlYW0%3D

⚽⚽

Give it a go. I promise I won't look. 🤞🌛


🌜


Grace
IDryad
Tyrant of Words
126awards
Joined 25th Aug 2011
Forum Posts: 17039

ajay said:
Prayer

Our boy today is on his knees again
and praying that the Mighty Reds will win.
A sad defeat would cause him so much pain,
a sting much greater than his greatest sin.
'Dear Football Gods,' he pleads, 'who art above,
don't let the opposition score a goal
against the Reds today, the team I love.
Please let us win! I'll swap you my sweet soul!'

But will those Football Gods pay heed to prayer,
or will our boy end up with broken heart
because those Football Gods just did not care
and ripped his earnest football prayer apart?
Those Gods had mercy, made his dream come true:
for Liverpool have won again, 3-2. ⚽🙃⚽

😎

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EErSKhC0CZs&pp=ygUmeSBoYWxsIGFuZCBvYXRlcyBseXJpY3N1IG1ha2UgbXkgZHJlYW0%3D

⚽⚽

Give it a go. I promise I won't look. 🤞🌛


🌜



Congratulations on the win.

ajay
Dangerous Mind
Palestine 2awards
Joined 21st Mar 2023
Forum Posts: 2117

Grace said:

Congratulations on the win.

Thank you, darling. 💐
The boys done good 🏆🙃

ajay
Dangerous Mind
Palestine 2awards
Joined 21st Mar 2023
Forum Posts: 2117



She's Not There

The Blue-Sand Girl has wandered off somewhere,
forgetting all about this Poem thread.
Her Muse undoubtedly's abandoned her
and left behind no pictures in her head.
Therefore it's up to me – so tragically! –
to battle on to keep this thread alive
and I shall wield my pen heroically
to write whatever rhyme I can contrive.
But I can not. Without her I am lost!
My poems have no life, their spark has gone,
they sit there on the page as cold as frost,
awaiting her as darkness waits for dawn.
No Moon is out tonight, the sky is black.
Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back!

🙃

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmEyGiaqm7k&pp=ygUJY29tZSBiYWNr

👒


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