Conflict-freestyle

As I sit here, I wonder what am I doing here...
Wondering what is my purpose, my focus,

With all this confusion and obvious illusions, I need to do a hocus pocus and make it all disappear

Sick of all this fear and shedding tears...but yet, I am still here.

Why in the hell am I??

I pray all the time for God to help me find my way, and yet I stay. Stay where there is no fidelity, no guarantee of longevity, no respect or regard for my needs...God help me!

Is this a test of me, to see how long it takes for me...to break? Is this to see what happenings I can make, from this?

Whatever it is, please end this. It's relentless on my positive spirits. It's like I'm being spit on, need to get on the bus, and bust out this rut! Getting cut...wayyy too deep, blood seeps, beings pouring...

Why is my heart so f**king stubborn as a mule, no matter how much fuel it takes in, it stays in this mess of a coupling, makes no damn sense why it won't just jump the f**king fence! I only want happiness, when will I find this? Please God help me to find my finesse..to prove my essence and presence is worth the while, please help her to smile, to show me the love we carried for such a while, together, now the love is only in my eyes....Lord please help her realize....because I don't want to cry anymore..

But when I close my eyes, and I ask God where am I supposed to be, I open my eyes, turn my face....and she's next to me. Her pretty brown skin and eyes, hypnotize me for days on end, no matter the negative feeling, it all ends when she looks at me, when she kisses me, when she touches me, when I step in OUR home, free to roam as I please with our son and daughter greeting me with ease and cheesy smiles on their beautiful faces, now I realize where my place is..

It's home