Poetry competition CLOSED 11th October 2013 3:57pm
WINNER
Abracadabra
Abracadabra
RUNNERS-UP:
Gemini
and KittyFromHell
The amusing side of sex
Poetry Contest Description
poems relating amusing aspects of sex (real or imagined) short poems preferred as many as you like
Many people take themselves and life too seriously especially when it comes to sex. The sex act is in itself amusing: see my haiku:
God designed coitus
So that he could laugh at us
In silly positions
Many events in ones sex life can be seen as amusing:
She sat astride my naked thighs
An apple in her hand
Whilst she munched its crunchy flesh
Her cunt was full and manned
Up and down my pelvis went
In time with her munching
It meant that we could have sex
Whilst she was alunching
Some escapades have a tragi-comedy ending. see
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/115942-mishap-on-the-way-to-heaven/
I look forward to your poems
God designed coitus
So that he could laugh at us
In silly positions
Many events in ones sex life can be seen as amusing:
She sat astride my naked thighs
An apple in her hand
Whilst she munched its crunchy flesh
Her cunt was full and manned
Up and down my pelvis went
In time with her munching
It meant that we could have sex
Whilst she was alunching
Some escapades have a tragi-comedy ending. see
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/115942-mishap-on-the-way-to-heaven/
I look forward to your poems
Our bodies ! extreme content !
Your eyes flash with
lighting as I slowly
run my fingers down
you spine.
I gentle kiss you neck
as you pull me close
and sit me on your lap.
I let my hair down and
smile as I see you eyes
filled with approval.
My fingers are intangled
in your hair as I push you
onto your back.
Your cloths are on the floor
as are mine.
Your hands hold me tight as
our bodys move as one.
You let out a sigh of
pleasure as I rub up ageinst you.
You gentaly pull my hair as I gently
kiss your lips. I see you bite your
lips and you then roll us
over. You slide in me as your hands
have mine pined ageinst the bed.
Our eyes mean and I know you
have let everything else go.
You didn't care anymore and
you wasn't going to hold back anymore
you gave everything to me.
Your eyes flash with
lighting as I slowly
run my fingers down
you spine.
I gentle kiss you neck
as you pull me close
and sit me on your lap.
I let my hair down and
smile as I see you eyes
filled with approval.
My fingers are intangled
in your hair as I push you
onto your back.
Your cloths are on the floor
as are mine.
Your hands hold me tight as
our bodys move as one.
You let out a sigh of
pleasure as I rub up ageinst you.
You gentaly pull my hair as I gently
kiss your lips. I see you bite your
lips and you then roll us
over. You slide in me as your hands
have mine pined ageinst the bed.
Our eyes mean and I know you
have let everything else go.
You didn't care anymore and
you wasn't going to hold back anymore
you gave everything to me.
Anonymous
Backyard BBQ Finger Food
I asked her, “bone in
or do you prefer only meat?”
She said, “Bone in for me”
fanning herself in the summer heat
“and if I’ve caught your drift
I’m not really that kind of girl
but once out of curiosity
me and my college roommate gave it a whirl.”
I asked her, “bone in
or do you prefer only meat?”
She said, “Bone in for me”
fanning herself in the summer heat
“and if I’ve caught your drift
I’m not really that kind of girl
but once out of curiosity
me and my college roommate gave it a whirl.”
Anonymous
http://i263.photobucket.com/albums/ii130/rosita68/viagra.jpg
VIAGRA AND THE VAGINA
There was a man who was erection challenged
Went to his doctor, who gave him Viagra
Home he ran to the love of his life
Finally she got the sex she wanted
Finally he could go on and on
However, her vagina could not stand it
She was ragged and bleeding
The erection did not subside
What a powerful drug
The man and his wife
Went at it again
She got her period
She flooded, like rain
His erection would not go down
Worried, he went to the drugstore in town
No matter how he dressed
To cover it up
He was at a forty five degree angle
Everybody could see in the pharmacy
Eva the Pharmacist dealt with him gently
Told him to go to ER only if four hours had passed
He slunk away into his car
Went home and cried
What a loss
Phoned the doctor who said
"Don't pop one unless you know you will fuck
Come hell or high water!"
VIAGRA AND THE VAGINA
There was a man who was erection challenged
Went to his doctor, who gave him Viagra
Home he ran to the love of his life
Finally she got the sex she wanted
Finally he could go on and on
However, her vagina could not stand it
She was ragged and bleeding
The erection did not subside
What a powerful drug
The man and his wife
Went at it again
She got her period
She flooded, like rain
His erection would not go down
Worried, he went to the drugstore in town
No matter how he dressed
To cover it up
He was at a forty five degree angle
Everybody could see in the pharmacy
Eva the Pharmacist dealt with him gently
Told him to go to ER only if four hours had passed
He slunk away into his car
Went home and cried
What a loss
Phoned the doctor who said
"Don't pop one unless you know you will fuck
Come hell or high water!"
Anonymous
confessions of a sex line operator
You want to suck on a what?
Oh honey,
I might be an open minded slut
and you're probably fifty-eight
with a small dick and a beer gut
but that?
come on, wouldn't you rather
talk dirty,
maybe get a little flirty
and I'll take you straight to the moon...
A strap on?
Oh yeah cause I love that shit,
there's nothing that's more natural
than having D cup tits
and a guy taking one up the tail pipe...
for the team, I assume?
One more story for the x-rated chatroom,
and suddenly you're Ron Jeremy
just because you filmed a dodgy threesome
in a large minimalist room.
Wait, two guys and a girl on the side line?
It's ok.
I'll tell you just what you wanna hear
and whisper so sweetly into your ear
that you're the best I've ever had...
You know, if it'll keep you happy
that you think you're not a gay lad.
You want to suck on a what?
Oh honey,
I might be an open minded slut
and you're probably fifty-eight
with a small dick and a beer gut
but that?
come on, wouldn't you rather
talk dirty,
maybe get a little flirty
and I'll take you straight to the moon...
A strap on?
Oh yeah cause I love that shit,
there's nothing that's more natural
than having D cup tits
and a guy taking one up the tail pipe...
for the team, I assume?
One more story for the x-rated chatroom,
and suddenly you're Ron Jeremy
just because you filmed a dodgy threesome
in a large minimalist room.
Wait, two guys and a girl on the side line?
It's ok.
I'll tell you just what you wanna hear
and whisper so sweetly into your ear
that you're the best I've ever had...
You know, if it'll keep you happy
that you think you're not a gay lad.
Ride ( Collaborated with 4ever4gotten) ! extreme content !
What a sensual night
Basking in candle light
Creamy thighs
Smoldering eyes
Lacey panties, his delight
Down to the floor
She's begging for more
Taking him in, a little sore
Seconds later, its better
She couldn't be wetter
Perfection and splendor
Mind running helter skelter
His hands on her breast as he slow
creastes them.
His figerd run up her spin,
she was getting hot.
He licks her near her spot
on weakness.
Her hands in his hair.
She gives him the ride of his life
as she makes it very precise.
He is wearing out and she
wants him to make her shout his name.
He starts again as he pushes in her
tight and wet pussy
pushing him to the edge, pleasure
She's happy with herself, as he starts
thrusting, moaning
Crying out her name
"Oh, baby" it'll never the same
Scratching down his back,
she's begging for more
clothes scattered everywhere
the bed's become a mess
he's taking her for the ride of her life
What a sensual night
Basking in candle light
Creamy thighs
Smoldering eyes
Lacey panties, his delight
Down to the floor
She's begging for more
Taking him in, a little sore
Seconds later, its better
She couldn't be wetter
Perfection and splendor
Mind running helter skelter
His hands on her breast as he slow
creastes them.
His figerd run up her spin,
she was getting hot.
He licks her near her spot
on weakness.
Her hands in his hair.
She gives him the ride of his life
as she makes it very precise.
He is wearing out and she
wants him to make her shout his name.
He starts again as he pushes in her
tight and wet pussy
pushing him to the edge, pleasure
She's happy with herself, as he starts
thrusting, moaning
Crying out her name
"Oh, baby" it'll never the same
Scratching down his back,
she's begging for more
clothes scattered everywhere
the bed's become a mess
he's taking her for the ride of her life
Married Life ( Tommy cheats on his wife)
Tried my luck with the wife again last night
Begged and pleaded but no delight
How the hell did she become so frigid
Constantly leaving me painfully rigid
How can she be so cruel and mean
A selfish bitch, a cold ice queen
She takes all my money and pays her bills
Too bloody lazy to provide me some thrills
So sick and tired of having to fake it
Don't be scared love you won't break it
Excuse me now as I don't mean to be crude
These days my balls are as blue as my mood
A sexy lady walks past and I lose my head
Doubt the wife's ever done it anywhere but bed
I try to explain I am a man and I have needs
You neglect my junk until it damn near bleeds
Baby you know I try to be a better man
I did not marry to be loved by my hand
Can't take this no more I pack my bag
So randy I would even do an old hag
About to walk out when her sister knocks at the door
We went at it for hours and she still wanted more
Nine months later a bouncing baby boy arrives
He looks just like me to my wife's surprise
Shame his mum is as pale as her husbands skin
Wish I could cut my dick off and throw it in the bin
What's done is done and I cant take it back
Might have got away with it if I wasn't black.
Anonymous
Kitten on the Prowl
... see her there
muscles tensed
front end lowered
back end raised
watch that butt wiggle in the air
careful now
don't let anything twitch
you know she's ready to
POUNCE!!!!
tacklehugglenibblelicksuck
wraps herself around you
purrrrrrrrrrrrrring for the cream
then she curls into a ball
of contentment and sleeps
while you lie there stunned
saying, "Kitten?
what got into you tonight?'
... see her there
muscles tensed
front end lowered
back end raised
watch that butt wiggle in the air
careful now
don't let anything twitch
you know she's ready to
POUNCE!!!!
tacklehugglenibblelicksuck
wraps herself around you
purrrrrrrrrrrrrring for the cream
then she curls into a ball
of contentment and sleeps
while you lie there stunned
saying, "Kitten?
what got into you tonight?'
Anonymous
Never... or Always
...when preparing a dinner
involving hot chilies -
deliberately not scrub your hands
and drink more tequila than wise
And then when alone
massage your own neck
fist your hair with one hand
and with the other -
the chili oiled hand -
slide your fingers down your lips
thrust two deep inside
feathertouch your own clit
press down and hold
feel soft tissues swell
as nerve endings awaken
You will burn
but you will squirt
Taco nights...
...when preparing a dinner
involving hot chilies -
deliberately not scrub your hands
and drink more tequila than wise
And then when alone
massage your own neck
fist your hair with one hand
and with the other -
the chili oiled hand -
slide your fingers down your lips
thrust two deep inside
feathertouch your own clit
press down and hold
feel soft tissues swell
as nerve endings awaken
You will burn
but you will squirt
Taco nights...
Half
We were frantic
Half-crazed for one another's touch
He was hungry for me
Half dove in a panic
As if he'd never eat anything ever again
It was a light-hearted laughing matter
But let me tell you...
The accidental impact of teeth on my tenderness
Did NOT just half hurt!
We were frantic
Half-crazed for one another's touch
He was hungry for me
Half dove in a panic
As if he'd never eat anything ever again
It was a light-hearted laughing matter
But let me tell you...
The accidental impact of teeth on my tenderness
Did NOT just half hurt!
The Milf and The Whore
The milf went to get milk at the store
She walked in and the clerk locked the door
He paid her a sum
to swallow his cum
The hot soccer mom was a whore!
Her husband did everything right
Her family was wealthy and white
But she needed more money
and fucked like a bunny
so she could shoot up every night.
Her yuppie friends had no clue
Suburbanites rarely do
They were so naive
to the tricks up her sleeve
and all of their husbands she blew.
One night she went to go score
She shot up and she fell to the floor
She cracked her head
and out she bled
The milf was a whore no more.
The milf went to get milk at the store
She walked in and the clerk locked the door
He paid her a sum
to swallow his cum
The hot soccer mom was a whore!
Her husband did everything right
Her family was wealthy and white
But she needed more money
and fucked like a bunny
so she could shoot up every night.
Her yuppie friends had no clue
Suburbanites rarely do
They were so naive
to the tricks up her sleeve
and all of their husbands she blew.
One night she went to go score
She shot up and she fell to the floor
She cracked her head
and out she bled
The milf was a whore no more.
