When vodka calls, I scream your name. In every drunken rant, You hang on my lips. That dreaded vulnerable moment Rises to the surface In a way all the walls I've built Cannot possibly surpass. You linger in my heart Long after you've gone away. I am forever tainted By the touch of your skin And the way you called my demons by name. Find me when your journey of solitude is done And your inner voice speaks again. I still believe you're the only one Who ever knew me.
The static in my head Has been replaced by the sounds Of roaring inadequacies. Small triumphs seem overshadowed By every day tribulations To no end in sight. Blind faith seems the hardest of all When every plan and anxious obsession Has failed me again and again. I am so small And so tired. My tears seem to fall unseen and unheard As I stare into the darkness And remind myself of all I've overcome. The silence stares back at me With an unyielding gaze That tells me I have to keep going. One...
A shamed grimace in the mirror After spitting out blood From days of neglect. My skin is horrid and yellow, And my eyes hold only death. I used to be so beautiful, At least on the outside. Now it seems I've been turned Inside out, With all my ugliest parts For the world to see.
How quickly the tables turn, And oh! How it makes me squirm! A million eyes pointed at me, Accompanied by a tightness in my chest: Conviction gripping me mercilessly. I've seen this play out before— Once from the other side, And neither have been that pleasant.
Memories tucked behind closed doors Stay safely locked away beyond reach, Until a tempest sweeps down these halls Through shutters blown open from outside. These feelings engulf me in a whirlwind, And there is nowhere safe to hide.
Dust had begun to gather on the knobs, And I'd all but forgotten what lay beyond. I'd rearranged my shelves with knick knacks, Placed contentedly behind my eyes. Boxes on boxes of forgotten relics Little by little, it all came back.
I suck at expressing myself, And your directness shrivels me into a corner. I bleed into these words to tell you things Without ever opening my lips To meet you face to face Eye to eye Like a grown woman.
Like a child, I hide behind pretty poetry and daydreams. Your logic and calm Infuriate me; I'd rather live inside a rabbit hole, A wonderland of walls Built to keep you And your lovesick insanity out.
I miss the music And the stupid memes, But to move forward Without one foot...
How do I tell you that I miss you Or that I wonder what we could have been? I can't even be sure if this feeling is real Or if I'm just in love with daydreaming. All I know is I'm lonely; In the silence, I hear my thoughts screaming.
Your mood swings and mine combined Make for a hell of a playground. They all tell me that you were crazy bout me, But some part of me refuses to believe it's true. A man could try to spoil me, And to reject it seems like the only thing to do.