Truthfully Speaking. . .

Division Lives        

Do we live within a land
that doesn't
have we seen
our dreams
through eyes that couldn't
have we thrown our beans
to a garden so rich
that they could grow
but wouldn't
could you hit your target
with one bow ,
no arrow
across the continent
do you see success on show
at its height so it glows
a life you might never know
but always covet
the risks of life
a sharpened knife
the odds are rife
in every cupboard .

Bad luck
in the betting book
you know not to push it
but someone else
maybe yourself
will shove it .

The winning cat
will lick his cream
elegant, imperial
silk fur , material
in the painted , pictorial
free from politician bull
harpsichord hills are full
sanity wonderful
you know you can't annul
the dream of life
so powerful .

Thrones and gowns
are we the clowns
who scrounge around
regalities uptown
as they frown
their laughing at your down
they hold all the pennies
in all of the pounds
that you make
the hand of VAT
like the cream and cat
its sure to take
the classes in top hats
that eat your cake
then laugh on beaches
as they bake
old war veterans
freeze and shake
factory fingers get stripped
as the scales are tipped
we always get ripped
theres an obvious mistake
for christs sake
we know this lifes a political
cash for questions
expenses scam
double mortgage fake.

Unitentionally Indigenous Person

I thought my heart was tough,
Left out in the sun, it seemed leathery rough.
Real time brings realization,
Not valleys, but caves are the depth of your nation.
Only the sky gets to cry my tears.
The whole world see's, but no one hears.
Bury your head, then your body in the sand,
Hoping no one will remember you walk on this land.
The night grows later, darker with time
And you are still unsheltered, living outside
No one wants to stay in a dry, barren desert
So trek or die alone are your only survival measures.

Stronger

How did I get to this lonely place
Am I that much of a homely disgrace
I sit around here so fucking pathetic
Pointlessly waiting for you to be apologetic

Why bother trying to fool me with your lies
Your trickery brings me to so many cries
Why do I care, I already said it was over
I need to let you go so I can finally get some closure

Thank you for fucking up yet again
Reminding me my choice is not made in vane
I am no longer confused on my decision
I now own hind sight's 20/20 vision

All these years I thought I needed to change
My whole life for you I would rearrange
Now I see that you are the one to fault
So I am bringing this "marriage" to a screeching halt

I wish you the best of luck with your new life
Maybe it will be better without a loving wife
I hope we can stay civil for our three kids
Knowing you, that won't be where I put my bids

So pack your shit and get out of my face
You are no longer welcome in my new found space
I am fighting angry; sad I am no longer
Because of this, I am now even stronger

Truthfully speaking I wish I wasn't born
I wish I was nowhere
No sin,no guilt,no soul
Just there
Wallowing in non-existence
So short a time I'll have to spend
Yet eternity extends
From age to age
Era to era
And Im so scared
Cos Im an addicted sinner

“M.F.”
by:  Eric L. Boddie

All I ever wanted was you from the moment I grew
Inside the womb because that process takes two
And mama was there as she has always been
But it hurts me in my soul to know I was conceived in sin
I guess that’s why you never laid your hands on my heart
Since with some of my siblings, you’ve been there from the start
Still when I was a child, you received my innocent love
Because mama gave me the teachings of the man up above
And I wanted you in my life, and believe me I tried
But my every advance was swiftly denied
Do you know how that feels in the heart of a child
The cause of many tribulations and trials
Noticeable scars all to the mind and the soul
Neglect is the weapon that turns the heart cold
Producing pure hate because the heart is deprived
But everyone knows the strong will survive
And mama gave me love, the source of my strength
And where were you on my sweet 16th
You didn’t teach me to drive or help me develop my shot
So I strive to be all that you’re not
You didn’t teach me to fight or how to holler at girls
You left it up to a woman to shape a man’s world
But I don’t hate you, even though I once did
Because there’s only 2 emotions in the heart of a kid
But I’m a man now, and that’s no thanks to you
And since I was a child, the anger just grew
I want to fight you, just one real good time
That’s the only way I know to get the stress off my mind
But I can’t do that, mama said it’s in vain
So guess what, I got to live with the pain
And it hurts for 1440 minutes a day
But I know there’s a God, and through Him, you will pay
Because He gave me life, but I came through you
And I was raised by 1, it should have been 2
And mama worked hard to keep food on the table
And taught me that there were better things than fine clothes and cable
But she defended your ass and I never knew why
Since you had the finer things that money could buy
And we were poor, truly poor indeed
Nothing that we want, but everything we need
And I was rich, I know that’s misunderstood
But mama was teaching me the power of good
And I couldn’t help but learn since she talks so loud
Even though I know she isn’t completely proud
Since I haven’t forgiven you, though I pray I 1 day can
But it will take some time, I’m only a man
And you’re a sucker, even though you look like a man
But I had to come through you, it was in His plan
And a mistake is all that He can’t make
And I know that only He can sooth the ache
So I pray for the strength to forgive, to ease the pain that I live
The pain that I live, you caused the pain that I live
Cause all I wanted was you since all I had was a mother
I wish I had a father, instead I got a motherfucker

I'm Sorry





The world I live in
I feel all I do is sin
I feel this is the end
All of these rules bend
and break to the depths of despair
to the abyss of inevitability
Can this world see me for me?
Not the tears they see me cry
All I feel are lies, they despise me
They do
I feel so blue
I have no clue
What to do next I mean
You have not seen what I've seen
Heard what I've heard
Felt what I felt here
Nowadays I fear
Not of death, of life as a tear-
It rolls down my face to join the others down near;
Near the sunshine that used to be
The place where God's smiling at me
He's proud, really proud
But now, it's a dark cloud
The shadows are coming
The Devil is humming
I am running.
I look up to see him
"God, are you mad?" I say
"You are not the same." He praised
He looks at me and I see his place
"Courtney AshLee? What a disgrace!"
I heard what he said, I bowed, pleaded, I cried
"I'm sorry God, I'm sorry! I really tried!"
He looks at me; His eyes in debate
"I'm sorry Courtney, but it's too late"
That's me, I did everything wrong
But is the Devil where I belong?
I'll try harder I will!
But You won't want me still
Just like Momma, Heather, and Nick, You'll leave
Well, do what You believe
I want You to also be happy
So go on without me
But just to You, Momma, Heather, and Nick
Where my blood runs so deep and thick
When the nights are so dark and starry
Well, I guess I'll just say it, I'm sorry

so you think you want to be an addict,you want to wrap up caution and throw it to the wind.dive right in and make yourself at home. hope you can cope well on your own.

trapped between a rock and a hard place,and wait 'till you see your face,cold eyes set in sunken gaze with no trace of emotive
spark,and it's always dark when you enter a room. you bring with you the doom and gloom that clings to your aura.

where one slip can send you plummeting in a downward spiral,clutching wildly at any strands of false hope that might offer some sense of normal.

Until finally, after all the shady deals,the near misses, the Judas kisses, the false starts and the endless line of heavy hearts left in a wake of calamitous notions, you agree to take the potion,that holds you in catatonic suspension.

and that, my friend is very near the bitter end, the end of the line for a one time player , a proverbial slayer bruised and broken from the poisoned spoon that all to soon became your life's blood. a symbiotic parasite.

so sleep tight and don't forget to pack light.there's not much closet space in a cardboard box, and less still in the gutter.

Yeah Right!

You think you are so fucking intelligent
You think you are Einstein twice over
and you pee rose water
and you spew words of wisdom
Yeah Right!
You are a none-entity
a figment of your own imagination
You are aging even now dying
I hope you die a screaming death
no sentence from your intellectual
fucking so called superior brain
or dollar rolls from your bugling wallet
will buy you peace
or stop the pain
Or buy you
a moment
more!

Leave Me Alone

Why
are you trying
 to
  creep
   back into
    my
     head

Trudging
up
old
memories
that I
would
rather keep
Dead

 Why
  are you
   doing
    this?

Life
with you
has been
Over
for
years

 Of
  our time
   together
    I
     spent much
      of it
       in
        Fear

Leave
me
Alone
don't
write me
Anymore
letters

 My
  life
   Without
    you has
     been
      so
       much
        Better

I
Don't care
about
your
apologies

and

 I
  Don't
   want to
    hear
     about your
      fond
       memories

What
do you
want
from me?

 I
  Loved
   you
    with all
     my
      heart

but

You
physically
and
mentally
ripped
me
apart

 Don't
  call me
   beautiful
    don't
     call me
      baby

Its been
five years
since you
last
spoke
to me

 If you
  think
   we can
    pick up
     where we
      left off
       your
        god damn
         crazy

We have
a child
together
and
she
is
All
we share

 But
  she is
   sixteen
    and I
     don't think
      she
       even cares

If I
Never
heard
your
voice
again
It would
be more
than fair

 Tears
  of
   blood
    once
     streamed
      down
       my
        face

I
will
Never
go
with you...
back to
that
Awful
place


 Leave
  me
   Alone
    don't
     write me
      Anymore
       letters

My
life
Without
you has
been
so
much
Better

What just went thru my head.


Often I wonder why is it I'm here
To be born, graduate, and land a career?
Then let loose in this fucked up place
Just to run around with a nothing face

We are suppose to be a part of a machine
There is heaven and hell; then we are between
It's all sounds good in a balanced plan
Wouldnt you like to know when it all began

Do you believe in Adam and Eve?
Now these days it's Adam and Steve
Or perhaps you believe in the big bang theory:
To be born from an atomic mass, I'm awful weary

Nothing has ever been born by a explosion
This only causes death, decay, and land erosion
A baby to be born with out planting a seed
This is a true belief of faith indeed

Why is it we kill over land that is not ours
For the government to act like Antichrist superstars
We fight over alot of subjects that make no sense
Like stopping freedom of the ones that cross a fence

Who are we to say who can live here or there
It's just another form of psychological warfare
People die everyday because they live on our street
We just pass them by and wipe our feet

I know I am only one person of many millions
Alot of us were soilders and the rest being civilians
We have all seen the impact of what we can do
To grab our guns and kill people that we never knew

I am not blind of terristic groups
For we all have lost many of our troops
When will this greed ever end
The "new world order" they think it will mend

If your interested and your going along
Go to forbiddenknowledge.com
You have to be patient for it's far from short
In 1964 a plan was made"The Iron Mountain Report"

They called it a hoax a great big joke
Then why all the red tape and all of the smoke
Even the existence of the office of the 303
This is the engine for everything the president can't be

I am far from a conspiracy theorist
I just read a book that don't  intrest most
We all live together in the same place
But to those who push the button... I'm still a nothing face

BOY ON THE TRAIN

There's a boy on the train
That's seen the backhand of love
With a rebelliousness
That makes me smile
While his head is bowed
And eyes downcast
His expression interspersed
Between cheekiness and dissociative sadness

And I want to tell his grandmother
To shut the fuck up
Are so much dramatics entirely necessary?
When children live to push the boundaries
While they look to us for approval and love

And I want to shed a tear
For his sadness
For all of us
That have been loved wrong
And sought both numbness
And a greater depth of feeling
In darker places
Where we confused illusion
With reality

There's a boy on the train
With a rebelliousness
That makes me smile
And a stoner look in his gaze
Though he's yet to take a puff
Of the hazy green
And I still can't bring myself to tell
His grandmother to shut the fuck up
When it's easier to pretend it's not my problem
Or my business
While I regret the silence
I always planned to keep

There's a boy on the train
That's seen the backhand of love
Just like me
And I wish I'd said
... something

Explode, explode: freight train lust.
Explode, explode: freight train lust
Feelings disturb me now you see
Feelings like this generosity.

The room is dark. Silence fills the hind, quarters of despair.
I am here with a good friend, a lover then: solitaire.
Did you awaken the emotions of inner distaste?
Would you rather be in the arms of your lover’s embrace?

Explode, explode: freight train lust.
Explode, explode: freight train lust
Feelings disturb me now you see
Feelings like this generosity.


Feed the sensitivity of what went wrong.
All in haste we are strong.
Lemonade and cordial the inner child’s fix.
Bring back the dry, lifeless six.

Explode, explode: freight train lust.
Explode, explode: freight train lust
Feelings disturb me now you see
Feelings like this generosity.

Cement the dinosaurs who, lived so long.
It is strange that life is like a bong: makes you heavy
Makes you feel sweet.
But to others it’s misunderstood as a soul’s defeat.




Explode, explode: freight train lust.
Explode, explode: freight train lust
Feelings disturb me now you see
Feelings like this generosity.

Tall, tall structures are so clean.
Mangled bodies bleed: green juice greed.
Free, your incapacitated, hatred toward civil unrest.

Explode, explode: freight train lust.
Explode, explode: freight train lust
Feelings disturb me now you see
Feelings like this generosity.  

The Obligation

Oh ring, you constrict my blood
Where once you perfectly fit my appendage
Now you strangle me to a dismal state
Whereby I suffocate
And drown in the muck of regret

To shed you would be freedom
To do away with the obligation
That I stated aloud, those many years ago
Would find me on a blissfully blank canvas of knowing
That I have nothing left to live for but everything

Beg, steal And Borrow.


I have composed a new lie    
dwelling below the water line    
beyond the curve of the small of my back    
and like most women, the fear of learning    
is not the unknown    
but the heavy weight of knowing too much    
and dealing with the residual spirits that dwell    
where knowledge refuses to flow    
and I believe you too, were afraid.    
 
And had I been what I always was,    
a selfish woman with zealous needs    
I still may have learned to cradle you    
and held your fists close to milk    
and you would have farmed me dry.    
But the lie did not protrude.    
It coveted    
like roots in december that lay in dormant wait    
in tribute to Lazarus and his final reincarnation.    
 
You remained inside, stagnant and misplaced  
waiting for the expansion of lungs under ribs,    
waiting for the tiny finger nails to appear    
and tear messages into the walls of my womb    
to prove you were here,    
that you existed, and you were more than just fear    
capsizing in a volatile sea,  
your existence only lent to me    
In the vacant space to rent within.