Poetry competition CLOSED 10th September 2018 5:41pm
WINNER
wallyroo92
wallyroo92
RUNNER-UP:
ReggiePoet
ATTENTION to all writers or something like that
Oh, Dearest Brother
Oh, dearest brother,
How cruel you are,
You no longer bother,
You no longer care.
Oh, dearest brother,
Where did that sibling friendship go?
The time I have left near you, will be a blur,
Starting classes, getting a car, and later moving I'll go.
Oh, dearest brother,
Thou art sick!
You are the sabre in my heart that festers,
My time spent able to play, goes "tick, tock, tick".
Oh, dearest brother,
Stressing at the few times I ask to play,
This is so hard for me to bear,
You leave me rather sombre.
Oh, dearest brother,
You don't want me sick or dead, but do you really love me?
So many jokes about how you don't care about your annoying sister,
Do you really care about me?
Oh, dearest brother,
You make me cry,
Do you remember
When we used to have fun, in days gone by?
Oh, dearest brother,
You want nothing to take your time away from YouTube,
Or Roblox, or other games on your computer
I'm not as important as YouTube.
Oh, dearest brother,
I love you, and try to help you,
But why bother,
To you it's just hullabaloo.
Oh, dearest brother,
Why do you hurt me so?
It's just my blunder,
I should no longer help you, or play with you....
How cruel you are,
You no longer bother,
You no longer care.
Oh, dearest brother,
Where did that sibling friendship go?
The time I have left near you, will be a blur,
Starting classes, getting a car, and later moving I'll go.
Oh, dearest brother,
Thou art sick!
You are the sabre in my heart that festers,
My time spent able to play, goes "tick, tock, tick".
Oh, dearest brother,
Stressing at the few times I ask to play,
This is so hard for me to bear,
You leave me rather sombre.
Oh, dearest brother,
You don't want me sick or dead, but do you really love me?
So many jokes about how you don't care about your annoying sister,
Do you really care about me?
Oh, dearest brother,
You make me cry,
Do you remember
When we used to have fun, in days gone by?
Oh, dearest brother,
You want nothing to take your time away from YouTube,
Or Roblox, or other games on your computer
I'm not as important as YouTube.
Oh, dearest brother,
I love you, and try to help you,
But why bother,
To you it's just hullabaloo.
Oh, dearest brother,
Why do you hurt me so?
It's just my blunder,
I should no longer help you, or play with you....
Written by Orc_Pirate_68
(Sabrina Kirk-Caldwell)
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When Life Gives That Extra Spark
I love you was right there on the tip of my tongue,
But all I could feel was the coppery taste of blood
In my mouth. Back then we were naïve and young.
When we stood still it was like there was a flood
Or tsunami of feelings and emotions that came
Rushing through. How I wanted to throw myself
Into your arms and pretend as if a burning flame
Was not standing in the way, but the high shelf
Was the one thing that was truly in the way. We
Were burning down forests and guarding our
Hearts that needed to be set free. It was our tree
Branches that could not hold onto every flower
And leaf. We craved all of the mess, chaos and
Destruction we left behind, but innocent people
Kept getting hurt. I wish that I could understand
As I did back then that every tower and steeple
Did not deserve to be burnt down. Sometimes
People come into our lives to teach us to let go.
We love ourselves more than the glory of crimes.
Sometimes we have to squint to find extra glow.
But all I could feel was the coppery taste of blood
In my mouth. Back then we were naïve and young.
When we stood still it was like there was a flood
Or tsunami of feelings and emotions that came
Rushing through. How I wanted to throw myself
Into your arms and pretend as if a burning flame
Was not standing in the way, but the high shelf
Was the one thing that was truly in the way. We
Were burning down forests and guarding our
Hearts that needed to be set free. It was our tree
Branches that could not hold onto every flower
And leaf. We craved all of the mess, chaos and
Destruction we left behind, but innocent people
Kept getting hurt. I wish that I could understand
As I did back then that every tower and steeple
Did not deserve to be burnt down. Sometimes
People come into our lives to teach us to let go.
We love ourselves more than the glory of crimes.
Sometimes we have to squint to find extra glow.
Written by eswaller
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Anonymous
-Empty-
Slow Blues
The less I have to see is the less I have to feel.
So, kindly if you please, dim your lights on me.
But, even through this foggy mind, I still remember cheer.
Though best if sunny days forgot, if even ever neared.
Come night the blowing desert sands reign these dead end streets.
I turn a collar to the wind but dust-filled eyes still weep.
Another shot of whiskey to stem what lies inside.
And weigh the loss of long ago...if only to survive.
-Chorus-
Too numb to feel the pain
But, still it hurts just the same
So blind was I to smiling eyes
All lost...goodbye
-Repeat Intro-
Empty bottles and emptied friends, laid to barren path.
Gone the way of expectations. My, how God must laugh.
And, in the sweat of dreams, come ghosts finding seams.
Through cracks in floors and opened doors, they haunt my inner being.
Another shot of whiskey to close these forlorn eyes.
I raise the glass to better days and pray the sun to rise.
And the sun does rise, in these bloodshot eyes, as another morning burns.
So, light first smoke and pave the day, then pull the shades in turn.
-Chorus-
One flick left to the candle's light
One stain left on the palette's knife
One shot left of the Devil's rye
One more day of peace denide.
-Lead Guitar to Fadeout-
All words and lyrics are the property of Richard Maxwell and are protected by the United States of America and International copyright laws. No reproductions, copies or alterations of these words and/or lyrics are permitted without the express written consent of Richard Maxwell.
Written by carpemax
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Mankind in Dreamland
Pestered and pursued
by unknown foes
A topsyturvy land
where snakes can have horns
and cows can have fangs.
Night'mares' where the day's stallions
make mountains out of molehills
A chance to witness greek mythology-like creatures for real
For dreamland tis a place for the unreal and surreal.
Those hair-raising scary scary dreams
beset with horrified silent screams!
We do try to interrupt nightmares, pinching ourselves
With relief wake up to see there aren't any horrid elves.
We also try to interpret dreams filled with mystery
But gifted dream interpreters like prophet Joseph
Are now part of biblical human history
All in all, dreamland's fascination
for extra-ordinary exaggeration
and tall-tale imagination
Where myth and legend come to life
An amalgam of fiction or real strife
Where assorted monsters of the mind
reign supreme in that REM sleep of our kind.
Yet on the other hand the wishful, wistful sweet sweet dreams
where fantasies form mirages bordered by fanciful seams.
Where castles in the air that humans build, float gently down to earth
only to shoot back up unto nowhere from the awakened one's berth.
In dreamland a pauper girl can be a princess or fairy fair
for daydreams extend into the night and linger on there.
A quote I took to heart and it to console all and sundry
'that if your sweet dreams don't come true, don't you fret
for atleast your nightmares didn't come true either,
so just heave a sigh, by and by.
Every night let us all just fly away and escape
And lo behold the extraordinary world of Dreamscape.
Written by Zaynab_kamoonpury
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A Love Dance
breathes the musky scent
of a man
feel the skin smooth
of a woman
tantalising dance
on private ballroom
fusion of bodies
in the changing dazzling lights
touches hands clasped
lips touching, giving life
taking life, a union
engulfing the other
one another in a giving
soft dance of love
a waltz, with eyes closed
feeling the union
exquisite joining
Riding the waves
of ecstasy
entwined
intertwined
feel, touch
caress
pulses of life
searing pain pleasure
a death
drowning in each others eyes
one in all
united in love
falling together
passion sleep
a light slumber
no touches exchanged
no embraces
no kisses
her mere wishes
as she stared at him
across the room
oblivious
a crush
forbidden to bloom
for he belonged to another.
of a man
feel the skin smooth
of a woman
tantalising dance
on private ballroom
fusion of bodies
in the changing dazzling lights
touches hands clasped
lips touching, giving life
taking life, a union
engulfing the other
one another in a giving
soft dance of love
a waltz, with eyes closed
feeling the union
exquisite joining
Riding the waves
of ecstasy
entwined
intertwined
feel, touch
caress
pulses of life
searing pain pleasure
a death
drowning in each others eyes
one in all
united in love
falling together
passion sleep
a light slumber
no touches exchanged
no embraces
no kisses
her mere wishes
as she stared at him
across the room
oblivious
a crush
forbidden to bloom
for he belonged to another.
Written by Grace
(IDryad)
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Morning Song
(sestina)
The pillow rustle morning song
That sings our breathing’s harmony
My want to wake you with my touch
And raise in you that lively will
That seeks to gain our common wish,
That one embrace, our passions’ crave.
My hands, denied their moistened crave,
That spot once found that brings your song
In tones to raise your morning wish
To cross our paths in harmony,
That both our truths revealing will,
Seek verdant space in heated touch.
For mouths may stir with wonders' touch,
But mouths can only whet the crave,
And strengthen drive that bends the will,
Increase the meter of the song,
And want reprise in harmony,
For hands and mouths won't fill our wish.
In harder work and sweat, we wish,
With muscles’ strain in common touch,
Our move and pace the harmony,
Those grips and slides that sate our crave.
In wordless runs that build our song,
We strike those notes that blend our will.
So find that place between us will
Grace wanted spot that grants our wish.
Crescendo, con vivo, our song,
A race, where every nerve we touch,
That rush to bring release we crave,
Our bodies’ blend in harmony.
Unbidden clutches, harmony,
Unbidden shudders gasping will,
Bringing the end force of our crave,
Baptise in other’s flowing wish.
With every seize and pulsing touch,
Our bodies now our truest song.
How much I crave to fill this wish,
That harmony of deepest touch
Will bring awake our morning song.
The pillow rustle morning song
That sings our breathing’s harmony
My want to wake you with my touch
And raise in you that lively will
That seeks to gain our common wish,
That one embrace, our passions’ crave.
My hands, denied their moistened crave,
That spot once found that brings your song
In tones to raise your morning wish
To cross our paths in harmony,
That both our truths revealing will,
Seek verdant space in heated touch.
For mouths may stir with wonders' touch,
But mouths can only whet the crave,
And strengthen drive that bends the will,
Increase the meter of the song,
And want reprise in harmony,
For hands and mouths won't fill our wish.
In harder work and sweat, we wish,
With muscles’ strain in common touch,
Our move and pace the harmony,
Those grips and slides that sate our crave.
In wordless runs that build our song,
We strike those notes that blend our will.
So find that place between us will
Grace wanted spot that grants our wish.
Crescendo, con vivo, our song,
A race, where every nerve we touch,
That rush to bring release we crave,
Our bodies’ blend in harmony.
Unbidden clutches, harmony,
Unbidden shudders gasping will,
Bringing the end force of our crave,
Baptise in other’s flowing wish.
With every seize and pulsing touch,
Our bodies now our truest song.
How much I crave to fill this wish,
That harmony of deepest touch
Will bring awake our morning song.
Written by Hepcat61
(geoff cat)
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I regret that none of my poetry will qualify for I have never written verse of 500 words or longer. The longest poems I have barely amount to 250.
Still, I will write the "sestina" occasionally - which I consider to be a long poem.
I offer here my latest -
if not to compete, at least, I hope , to please.
geoff
Still, I will write the "sestina" occasionally - which I consider to be a long poem.
I offer here my latest -
if not to compete, at least, I hope , to please.
geoff
Better Left Unsent
How many times did you write about your passion?
With deep seeded anger and aspiration?
How many times did you go back and removed words,
...Names and places but you still felt the vexation.
Did you ever pour your heart out?
Knowing the odds were stacked up against you?
Did you take risks because it was worth it?
And then, did your biggest fears ever come true?
Look at the lines your wrote time and time again,
Aching deep in your heart to tell the truth,
Crying out fury and rage in your coming of age,
Then the tides swept you away from your youth.
How many times did you code those rhymes?
So that your secrets would never be told,
Do you go back and ponder on ancient things?
Straining your eyes because you’ve gotten old.
So go back and read your verses and poems,
Regardless of your original plan and true intent,
Reminiscing and ruminating about the way you felt,
Because your letters were better left unsent.
How many times did you write about your passion?
With deep seeded anger and aspiration?
How many times did you go back and removed words,
...Names and places but you still felt the vexation.
Did you ever pour your heart out?
Knowing the odds were stacked up against you?
Did you take risks because it was worth it?
And then, did your biggest fears ever come true?
Look at the lines your wrote time and time again,
Aching deep in your heart to tell the truth,
Crying out fury and rage in your coming of age,
Then the tides swept you away from your youth.
How many times did you code those rhymes?
So that your secrets would never be told,
Do you go back and ponder on ancient things?
Straining your eyes because you’ve gotten old.
So go back and read your verses and poems,
Regardless of your original plan and true intent,
Reminiscing and ruminating about the way you felt,
Because your letters were better left unsent.
the emptiness
the emptiness is like a rainstorm
it violently pours down
soaking my clothes
chilling me to the bone
the emptiness is like a dark night
desolate streets
with one lamp post flicking
illuminating vacant pavement
the emptiness is like a cage
trapping me in my own torment
i stick my arm through the bars
clawing for freedom
the emptiness is like nothing
it’s the absence
it’s the unnatural loneliness
it’s the null thudding
it’s the quiver in my voice
it’s the voidness behind my eyes
it’s painted behind my smile
it’s the truth in all the lies
it violently pours down
soaking my clothes
chilling me to the bone
the emptiness is like a dark night
desolate streets
with one lamp post flicking
illuminating vacant pavement
the emptiness is like a cage
trapping me in my own torment
i stick my arm through the bars
clawing for freedom
the emptiness is like nothing
it’s the absence
it’s the unnatural loneliness
it’s the null thudding
it’s the quiver in my voice
it’s the voidness behind my eyes
it’s painted behind my smile
it’s the truth in all the lies
Written by Heart_symphony
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-State of Normalcy-
Punk/Thrash Metal/Rap
Too much interference. There's static in my head.
You will feel all my pain. Can you feel the coming dread?
Read between the lines as my middle fingers bleed.
Back away before you die, you better take heed.
-No time for patience...No time for peace.
-No time for kindness...Your life is on lease.
-No time for love...No time for tweats.
-No time for passion and I got no time for creeps.
So, you say your life's unfair. Well, who the fuck cares?
You drift into my mind deranged, you'll see my fangs bared.
And, cross your path with mine you better look the other way.
'Cause since I hit the street it's been another fucked-up day.
-Don't care about no color...Don't care about your views.
-Don't care for you glances, so I'll beat you black and blue.
-Don't you understand you're nothin'? Is your brain so fuckin' crip?
-Don't care about your 'dis, so eat you own shit.
We be...tossed and lost and smokin' dope, watching shit TV.
So brainwashed in our daily rote, survival is our creed.
But, once you had some-somethin' and be takin' from your pound,
the loss is boss and fuck-you too, it's gone to feed the hounds.
-There's nothin' left for you...There's nothin' left but more.
-They chew you up and spit you out, those weasely fuckin' whores.
-They look at us as sheep in the lair of all 'Dem creeps.
-So when they out and come about it's all about the leash.
Now, I've caught this fuckin' flu from this sick society.
'Cause the State of Normalcy is all idiocracy.
The point of no return is dead and now is buried deep.
'Cause 'Dem fuckin' politicians sown what we all must eat.
-Nothin' makes no sense, no more, especially in D.C.
-Nothin' is our hope as creeps dine and sip their tea.
-Nothin' seems to matter...Nothin' do they share.
-Nothin' gonna come our way, you better be aware.
-No time for patience...Always time for war.
-No time for kindness...Look at all the gore.
-No time for love...No time for tweats.
-No time for passion. It's time to beat the Creeps.
Too much interference. There's static in my head.
You will feel all my pain. Can you feel the coming dread?
Read between the lines as my middle fingers bleed.
Back away before you die, you better take heed.
-No time for patience...No time for peace.
-No time for kindness...Your life is on lease.
-No time for love...No time for tweats.
-No time for passion and I got no time for creeps.
So, you say your life's unfair. Well, who the fuck cares?
You drift into my mind deranged, you'll see my fangs bared.
And, cross your path with mine you better look the other way.
'Cause since I hit the street it's been another fucked-up day.
-Don't care about no color...Don't care about your views.
-Don't care for you glances, so I'll beat you black and blue.
-Don't you understand you're nothin'? Is your brain so fuckin' crip?
-Don't care about your 'dis, so eat you own shit.
We be...tossed and lost and smokin' dope, watching shit TV.
So brainwashed in our daily rote, survival is our creed.
But, once you had some-somethin' and be takin' from your pound,
the loss is boss and fuck-you too, it's gone to feed the hounds.
-There's nothin' left for you...There's nothin' left but more.
-They chew you up and spit you out, those weasely fuckin' whores.
-They look at us as sheep in the lair of all 'Dem creeps.
-So when they out and come about it's all about the leash.
Now, I've caught this fuckin' flu from this sick society.
'Cause the State of Normalcy is all idiocracy.
The point of no return is dead and now is buried deep.
'Cause 'Dem fuckin' politicians sown what we all must eat.
-Nothin' makes no sense, no more, especially in D.C.
-Nothin' is our hope as creeps dine and sip their tea.
-Nothin' seems to matter...Nothin' do they share.
-Nothin' gonna come our way, you better be aware.
-No time for patience...Always time for war.
-No time for kindness...Look at all the gore.
-No time for love...No time for tweats.
-No time for passion. It's time to beat the Creeps.
Written by carpemax
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Anonymous
<< post removed >>
Admissions
Admissions
1
As my heart struggles to continue beating,
it’s time for me to open up and write a poem that I’ve been contemplating
to express the despair I feel every second of the day from the deep internal pain I feel that’s constantly repeating.
There are reasons that the words used in my poetry are my heart and soul constantly bleeding.
I feel my words are a cry for help and I’m constantly screaming,
because I fear, but slowly growing accepting, that one day soon I will no longer be breathing.
It may be the only way for I to begin healing,
since everything else I try fails and keeps my life from proceeding.
The only time I’m happy is when I’m dreaming,
even when I’m being attacked by the demons I’m constantly writing of and speaking.
Life is a lot less painful when I’m sleeping.
I’m not trying so hard to discover the answers I’m constantly seeking
to stop my mind from constantly shrieking.
My words are not meant to be misleading
and I hope that you find them intriguing,
because one day I will no longer be around, now that is worth believing,
and all my work left behind will be yours to digest slowly through eating.
2
I don’t believe that I have ever felt true happiness before.
I want to feel it, even just once every day more and more.
I’ve felt moments of happiness but nothing sustained for long.
I’m not being over dramatic and my words are certainly not wrong.
A crushing darkness has been caste over me my entire life.
It’s the main reason I will never be able to find a wife.
I’ve always felt odd and out of place.
Every day has been a struggle even though I don’t show it on my face.
I feel that no one has truly understood me.
No one can imagine the pain I feel every second of the day and to what degree.
I feel like a loser and a failure in life.
It’s probably why I’m considering ending my life with a knife.
A shocking statement to make but one that is true.
Unfortunately, no one will ever care, not even when in the face I’m blue.
3
I’ve looked up and admired my father my entire life,
the same way I’ve looked up to and admired my mother, his wife.
He learned to play the guitar and played in many bands throughout the years.
He was quiet and humble and never showed any fear.
He faced many difficulties and overcame all of them while making it look easy.
He always kept himself busy.
While working a full-time job, he still found the time to play in a band and lead a church.
He was the president of the congregation and lead the last pastor search.
That same pastor was the one who did his funeral.
His sermon was heart felt, beautiful and suitable.
Pastors from all over the area showed up for the funeral.
Besides them, a lot of people showed up in general.
He lost a career that he liked and had for many years.
That was a stinging loss that brought to his eyes a few tears,
but he bounced back and attained a new career that he loved up until he day of his death.
He was at that job when he took his final breath.
He lived a full life and accomplished so many great things.
He’s up in Heaven now being treated like a king.
If only I could live up to his legacy and standards he set.
Maybe then, true happiness would be the award I would get.
This is why I feel like a failure.
This is why I’m losing God’s favor.
My heroes in life set the bar high for me to live up to.
I never can and that’s why I hope God strikes me down with a severe case of the flu.
All I’ve accomplished is jumping around from job to job every couple years, unhappy with every one of them.
I haven’t even learned how to play the guitar or even learn how to drum.
I graduated with a nice degree that hasn’t provided me with anything of substance.
I need to set a new course for my life but I have no idea how to make any adjustments.
Every step forward is instantly met with five steps back.
No wonder I feel like I’m beginning to crack.
I’ve written a lot of poetry and stories that no one gives a shit about.
So much for writing ever being my big break out.
I’m better off becoming an alcoholic and constantly blacking out.
At least I can drown out all of my pain and self-doubt.
I’ve done some moderate traveling and seen some cool things that doesn’t impress anyone.
I’ve gone too far too many concert and found them to be fun,
but once again, no one is impressed.
Everyone looks at the bands I go to see and judges to music I listen to and assumes that’s why up in my head I’m such a mess.
I haven’t done anything big or exciting with my life.
Probably never will at the rate this is going.
Since my father died, my heart has struggled to beat.
My soul is shattered and far from being complete.
My will to live is on life support.
One of the only persons in life who believed in me set sail without me and left me stranded at the port.
I’m reading books to deal with grief,
but grief is hard to deal with when I’m struggling with my faith.
I pray to God every day to help me,
but I feel he may have forsaken me.
I look to him for guidance but my prayers go unanswered.
My soul cries out to him because it is badly battered.
When will life start to go my way?
Probably when my body is turned to clay.
Death seems to be the only way for me to discovered true happiness.
Hopefully God will forgive me for all of my naughtiness.
4
Loneliness is becoming an issue I’m struggling to treat.
Overcoming it will be quite the feat.
I lost my partner in crime of five years.
It’s a move that has provided me with many cheers and many tears.
Many of my fondest memories in life are with her by my side.
I’m afraid to admit that I miss her since that would hurt my pride,
but I’m not one known to lie.
I will cherish the great times we shared together until the day I die.
We went to Chicago together for a three-day music festival.
We had a blast remaining sober unlike many who had to turn to chemicals.
We drove to Miami together and went on a cruise.
The drive down alone was worth the trip and was far from a snooze.
Stopping in Chattanooga to see Ruby Falls,
was one great call.
Traveling to Key West and the Bahamas on a beautiful ship,
are memories that will last a life time and will always be with me even when the world is falling apart around me and I’m losing my grip.
Taking a road trip to Key West, Cocoa Beach and Orland this year to end our relationship was the perfect way to end things.
It was hard saying goodbye to you, it really pulled my heart strings.
Having this perfect trip right at the end ending things in peace.
May our friendship survive and never cease.
I raised your daughter as my own for five years.
She still views me as her father and always will, that is clear.
Raising her as my own is my single proudest accomplishment in life.
I can go to my grave knowing I gave her my heart and soul as I did to you, even know it didn’t work out and I was unable to make you my wife.
I know my family is proud of me for the job I did as a father,
and continue to do despite the face I no longer live with her and her mother.
Living alone has been difficult on me.
It’s not how I imaged things would be.
I only have a few close friends and hope to make a few more.
I’m tired of feeling like just breathing every day is such a fucking chore.
I’m not sure what life still has in store,
but hopefully one day I will meet another great woman I can fall for.
5
I’ve never believed in mental illness.
Always thought the truth behind depression as something much more vicious.
I always thought that the cause of depression was more on the spiritual side,
not having God in your life when you are on a down slide.
Now I think I may be going crazy.
My thoughts are chaotic and I’m starting to get lazy.
My mind races every day and always thinks the worst of every situation.
I’m never happy with life and think I’ll be better killing myself off and facing damnation.
Can’t find a career to be happy with.
Can’t find a relationship to be happy with.
Can’t seem to find any job in life.
Can’t seem to do anything right.
I feel like an outcast destined to be alone.
I just wish one person would pick up their phone,
give me a call to see how the fuck I’m doing.
Inside of me a storm is brewing.
I’m afraid it will be on display for you all soon for your own public viewing.
I really do hope that soon I will begin improving.
I just want to be happy and satisfied with life.
Please God don’t let me fall victim to the knife.
1
As my heart struggles to continue beating,
it’s time for me to open up and write a poem that I’ve been contemplating
to express the despair I feel every second of the day from the deep internal pain I feel that’s constantly repeating.
There are reasons that the words used in my poetry are my heart and soul constantly bleeding.
I feel my words are a cry for help and I’m constantly screaming,
because I fear, but slowly growing accepting, that one day soon I will no longer be breathing.
It may be the only way for I to begin healing,
since everything else I try fails and keeps my life from proceeding.
The only time I’m happy is when I’m dreaming,
even when I’m being attacked by the demons I’m constantly writing of and speaking.
Life is a lot less painful when I’m sleeping.
I’m not trying so hard to discover the answers I’m constantly seeking
to stop my mind from constantly shrieking.
My words are not meant to be misleading
and I hope that you find them intriguing,
because one day I will no longer be around, now that is worth believing,
and all my work left behind will be yours to digest slowly through eating.
2
I don’t believe that I have ever felt true happiness before.
I want to feel it, even just once every day more and more.
I’ve felt moments of happiness but nothing sustained for long.
I’m not being over dramatic and my words are certainly not wrong.
A crushing darkness has been caste over me my entire life.
It’s the main reason I will never be able to find a wife.
I’ve always felt odd and out of place.
Every day has been a struggle even though I don’t show it on my face.
I feel that no one has truly understood me.
No one can imagine the pain I feel every second of the day and to what degree.
I feel like a loser and a failure in life.
It’s probably why I’m considering ending my life with a knife.
A shocking statement to make but one that is true.
Unfortunately, no one will ever care, not even when in the face I’m blue.
3
I’ve looked up and admired my father my entire life,
the same way I’ve looked up to and admired my mother, his wife.
He learned to play the guitar and played in many bands throughout the years.
He was quiet and humble and never showed any fear.
He faced many difficulties and overcame all of them while making it look easy.
He always kept himself busy.
While working a full-time job, he still found the time to play in a band and lead a church.
He was the president of the congregation and lead the last pastor search.
That same pastor was the one who did his funeral.
His sermon was heart felt, beautiful and suitable.
Pastors from all over the area showed up for the funeral.
Besides them, a lot of people showed up in general.
He lost a career that he liked and had for many years.
That was a stinging loss that brought to his eyes a few tears,
but he bounced back and attained a new career that he loved up until he day of his death.
He was at that job when he took his final breath.
He lived a full life and accomplished so many great things.
He’s up in Heaven now being treated like a king.
If only I could live up to his legacy and standards he set.
Maybe then, true happiness would be the award I would get.
This is why I feel like a failure.
This is why I’m losing God’s favor.
My heroes in life set the bar high for me to live up to.
I never can and that’s why I hope God strikes me down with a severe case of the flu.
All I’ve accomplished is jumping around from job to job every couple years, unhappy with every one of them.
I haven’t even learned how to play the guitar or even learn how to drum.
I graduated with a nice degree that hasn’t provided me with anything of substance.
I need to set a new course for my life but I have no idea how to make any adjustments.
Every step forward is instantly met with five steps back.
No wonder I feel like I’m beginning to crack.
I’ve written a lot of poetry and stories that no one gives a shit about.
So much for writing ever being my big break out.
I’m better off becoming an alcoholic and constantly blacking out.
At least I can drown out all of my pain and self-doubt.
I’ve done some moderate traveling and seen some cool things that doesn’t impress anyone.
I’ve gone too far too many concert and found them to be fun,
but once again, no one is impressed.
Everyone looks at the bands I go to see and judges to music I listen to and assumes that’s why up in my head I’m such a mess.
I haven’t done anything big or exciting with my life.
Probably never will at the rate this is going.
Since my father died, my heart has struggled to beat.
My soul is shattered and far from being complete.
My will to live is on life support.
One of the only persons in life who believed in me set sail without me and left me stranded at the port.
I’m reading books to deal with grief,
but grief is hard to deal with when I’m struggling with my faith.
I pray to God every day to help me,
but I feel he may have forsaken me.
I look to him for guidance but my prayers go unanswered.
My soul cries out to him because it is badly battered.
When will life start to go my way?
Probably when my body is turned to clay.
Death seems to be the only way for me to discovered true happiness.
Hopefully God will forgive me for all of my naughtiness.
4
Loneliness is becoming an issue I’m struggling to treat.
Overcoming it will be quite the feat.
I lost my partner in crime of five years.
It’s a move that has provided me with many cheers and many tears.
Many of my fondest memories in life are with her by my side.
I’m afraid to admit that I miss her since that would hurt my pride,
but I’m not one known to lie.
I will cherish the great times we shared together until the day I die.
We went to Chicago together for a three-day music festival.
We had a blast remaining sober unlike many who had to turn to chemicals.
We drove to Miami together and went on a cruise.
The drive down alone was worth the trip and was far from a snooze.
Stopping in Chattanooga to see Ruby Falls,
was one great call.
Traveling to Key West and the Bahamas on a beautiful ship,
are memories that will last a life time and will always be with me even when the world is falling apart around me and I’m losing my grip.
Taking a road trip to Key West, Cocoa Beach and Orland this year to end our relationship was the perfect way to end things.
It was hard saying goodbye to you, it really pulled my heart strings.
Having this perfect trip right at the end ending things in peace.
May our friendship survive and never cease.
I raised your daughter as my own for five years.
She still views me as her father and always will, that is clear.
Raising her as my own is my single proudest accomplishment in life.
I can go to my grave knowing I gave her my heart and soul as I did to you, even know it didn’t work out and I was unable to make you my wife.
I know my family is proud of me for the job I did as a father,
and continue to do despite the face I no longer live with her and her mother.
Living alone has been difficult on me.
It’s not how I imaged things would be.
I only have a few close friends and hope to make a few more.
I’m tired of feeling like just breathing every day is such a fucking chore.
I’m not sure what life still has in store,
but hopefully one day I will meet another great woman I can fall for.
5
I’ve never believed in mental illness.
Always thought the truth behind depression as something much more vicious.
I always thought that the cause of depression was more on the spiritual side,
not having God in your life when you are on a down slide.
Now I think I may be going crazy.
My thoughts are chaotic and I’m starting to get lazy.
My mind races every day and always thinks the worst of every situation.
I’m never happy with life and think I’ll be better killing myself off and facing damnation.
Can’t find a career to be happy with.
Can’t find a relationship to be happy with.
Can’t seem to find any job in life.
Can’t seem to do anything right.
I feel like an outcast destined to be alone.
I just wish one person would pick up their phone,
give me a call to see how the fuck I’m doing.
Inside of me a storm is brewing.
I’m afraid it will be on display for you all soon for your own public viewing.
I really do hope that soon I will begin improving.
I just want to be happy and satisfied with life.
Please God don’t let me fall victim to the knife.
Written by TylerZ
(Tyler)
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