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Poetry competition CLOSED 11th November 2023 7:37pm
WINNER
Rew
Rew
Good Old Fasioned Dirty Limericks
Poetry Contest Description
Write an original dirty funny Limerick
It's been a long time since we had a dirty funny Limerick competition.
The funnier the better.
It doesn't have to be dirty if it's funny.
One per person
Originality is welcomed.
We could do with a light hearted comp.
There once was a woman from Devizes...
There once was a man from Nantucket...
It doesn't have to be a strict Limerick
This is a simple format A rhymes with A, B rhymes with B, last line rhymes with A
A Line 1 [8-9-10 syllables]
A Line 2 [8-9-10 syllables]
B Line 3 [5-6 syllables]
B Line 4 [5-6 syllables]
A Line 5 [8-9-10 syllables]
enjoy
Mike
A renegade rabbit called Mike,
stole carrots from Tesco's each night,
tunneled under the shops,
for organic crops,
then peddled away on his bike.
Now Mike was a greedy young rabbit,
troubled by a carotene habit,
soon he stopped caring,
the raids got more daring,
he was caught with a kilo of carrot.
Breaking rocks with his teeth in the yard,
the time he was doing was hard,
each night in the shower,
a Hare called him flower,
and tried to catch him off guard.
stole carrots from Tesco's each night,
tunneled under the shops,
for organic crops,
then peddled away on his bike.
Now Mike was a greedy young rabbit,
troubled by a carotene habit,
soon he stopped caring,
the raids got more daring,
he was caught with a kilo of carrot.
Breaking rocks with his teeth in the yard,
the time he was doing was hard,
each night in the shower,
a Hare called him flower,
and tried to catch him off guard.
Written by Razzerleaf
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Lady from Paris
There was this lady from Paris
Who enjoyed consensual bliss
From one partner or another
Small or big did not matter
As long as sweet was the kiss.
Who enjoyed consensual bliss
From one partner or another
Small or big did not matter
As long as sweet was the kiss.
Written by robert43041
(Viking)
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Everybody is a Weiner
Welcome to Stiffy's weiner palace!
Come, drink in our wonderment like a chalice,
we know you made the right choice!
Put our weiner in your mouth and rejoice,
so yummy and thick,
you'll keep grabbing for more really quick.
Grab one in each hand,
and take yourself on a trip to pleasure land!
No need to fuss or fret,
our weiners have the best standard to be met,
we carefully pull and tug on each in turn,
making sure for you they churn
some cosmic feelings of joy.
Many claim to be the best but fail to employ
our patented Stiff Weiner secret technique,
which is why it's so good and unique!
Don't worry about table manners here,
juice running down your chin is our sincere
desire you see,
we hope you'll have a weiner or three!
Come, drink in our wonderment like a chalice,
we know you made the right choice!
Put our weiner in your mouth and rejoice,
so yummy and thick,
you'll keep grabbing for more really quick.
Grab one in each hand,
and take yourself on a trip to pleasure land!
No need to fuss or fret,
our weiners have the best standard to be met,
we carefully pull and tug on each in turn,
making sure for you they churn
some cosmic feelings of joy.
Many claim to be the best but fail to employ
our patented Stiff Weiner secret technique,
which is why it's so good and unique!
Don't worry about table manners here,
juice running down your chin is our sincere
desire you see,
we hope you'll have a weiner or three!
Written by LongTubiFree
(JustinSizemore)
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Dirty Laundry Ne'er Air nor E'er Share
*
On your having a secret affair,
ere you err be aware and beware
of a prick, of a whore,
of each genital sore --
and of skid marks on thong underwear.
*
Contest: Good, Old-Fashioned Dirty Limericks
Sponsor: James_A_Knight
Form: Limerick Laundered
Major Poetic Technique: Irony Yet Hitting Pay Dirt
Theme: The Bottom Line on the Old-Fashioned Scrub Brush
On your having a secret affair,
ere you err be aware and beware
of a prick, of a whore,
of each genital sore --
and of skid marks on thong underwear.
*
Contest: Good, Old-Fashioned Dirty Limericks
Sponsor: James_A_Knight
Form: Limerick Laundered
Major Poetic Technique: Irony Yet Hitting Pay Dirt
Theme: The Bottom Line on the Old-Fashioned Scrub Brush
Written by Jordan
(D.O.C.)
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The Baker
I told her I’d love to eat her poundcake
But today she wasn’t in the mood to bake
And I the hungry fool
Slowly began to drool
Oh why can’t I just catch a simple break?
Then I wanted muffins with sweet cherries
But the pantry was all out of berries
My desire I voiced
I want something so moist
And thicker than all my dictionaries
Then I started to crave some hot buns
And asked: “Baby are you catching these puns?”
She was not hot but bothered
I’m about to get clobbered
My toying gets annoying by the tons
“Come on babe let’s try a new recipe
Let’s experiment just you and just me”
But she gave me a frown
Tonight she is not down
As my mouth waters I pant breathlessly
I got hangry and heated and smokin’
“I’M THE MAN, I WANT IT NOW, I HAVE SPOKEN!”
Then she tilted her head
Looked at me and firmly said
“Hun, remember the oven is broken”
But today she wasn’t in the mood to bake
And I the hungry fool
Slowly began to drool
Oh why can’t I just catch a simple break?
Then I wanted muffins with sweet cherries
But the pantry was all out of berries
My desire I voiced
I want something so moist
And thicker than all my dictionaries
Then I started to crave some hot buns
And asked: “Baby are you catching these puns?”
She was not hot but bothered
I’m about to get clobbered
My toying gets annoying by the tons
“Come on babe let’s try a new recipe
Let’s experiment just you and just me”
But she gave me a frown
Tonight she is not down
As my mouth waters I pant breathlessly
I got hangry and heated and smokin’
“I’M THE MAN, I WANT IT NOW, I HAVE SPOKEN!”
Then she tilted her head
Looked at me and firmly said
“Hun, remember the oven is broken”
Written by wallyroo92
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A Sexual Interlude Amidst Nature's Embrace: A Poetic Exploration of Temptation and Forbidden Desires in a Public Space
In a bush setting, we took a pause,
Feeling too horny to follow the laws.
With a plan not discussed,
A plus for both of us,
No judgement, just promiscuous flaws.
Feeling too horny to follow the laws.
With a plan not discussed,
A plus for both of us,
No judgement, just promiscuous flaws.
Written by Dre_k47
(AnDre James)
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Disclaimer: these Dirty Limericks are for a competition and are not representative of my work.
There was a young Beau from limerick
who had an unfeasibly large dick,
as he enters his Belle
the whole town heard her yell
"You're in the wrong hole, you fuck-wit! "
Now, this young man from limerick
(the one with the unfeasibly large dick)
well, his balls would clang
when he shagged his Mam
and that was their party trick.
That lusty lad from old limerick
thought he'd try bending, for a bit,
but his buggery tube
was empty of lube
an' his lover said, " S'ok, I'll split..."
N.B. my limerick is entirely fictional, any resemblance to the city of Limerick in Munster, Eire, is purely coincidental as are the characters portrayed here who, incidentally are all ancient wrinklies of at least 50 years of age.
who had an unfeasibly large dick,
as he enters his Belle
the whole town heard her yell
"You're in the wrong hole, you fuck-wit! "
Now, this young man from limerick
(the one with the unfeasibly large dick)
well, his balls would clang
when he shagged his Mam
and that was their party trick.
That lusty lad from old limerick
thought he'd try bending, for a bit,
but his buggery tube
was empty of lube
an' his lover said, " S'ok, I'll split..."
N.B. my limerick is entirely fictional, any resemblance to the city of Limerick in Munster, Eire, is purely coincidental as are the characters portrayed here who, incidentally are all ancient wrinklies of at least 50 years of age.
Written by Rew
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