Painful Benignity

 

When you catch me like this
half over
half underneath
in the wrong places
touch my body
as if it were yours
as if it were yours
like yours
was the body you touch

When you touch me like this
kinda scared
kinda rushed
scared of not
being whole
nonconformist of only
being half

Stay with me
as we were one
as if it were opportune
like a wet dream
like a shaky sleep
by hideous storm
by round calm
everywhere
for all the slime
from the bottom of the rivers

Holiness and Martyrdom
Santaria and eye drops
silently momentary
licensed substitute
letter after letter after letter
pain after laughter after pain
loneliness and then suffering
after overcoming after...

Brushing your hair
feed the fish
feed the cats
and leave then come back
to ensure that the door
it's really closed

When you leave me like this
half seagull
half doormat
over you and underfoot
hot and humid like smoke
from the chimneys
like air passing through the cracks
of windows

So without the predicates
totally past imperfect
totally imperfect
totally


PAR

 

I feel you slowly
erasing from
every line

almost as
if you're living
half dead &
half alive,

all I wonder
about lately
is whether
or not you

half cried,

perhaps
my only sin
is knowing
my feet

carry
on.

I'm not sure what I wanna write anymore  
Each inner dialogue alters my will  
So there's a canyon in front and a gorge right behind.  
I'm gonna stick for a while to decide  
I'm almost certain this is a delusion too  
but if you're my soul, you must be in pain too  
 
It's freaking rediculous how much I miss my heart  
The pieces that complete her  
that activate her
that make her strong  
Those that sung the lyrics of grace  
Licking our wounds through a scary night in a hunger game  
 
A discuss with a figure of sceptic discoveries..  
Balance invited herself as a priestess of Trueness  
clamoring there is no truth  
A second is for ever  
The future has already passed  
Universes are swirling in a homogeneous Mind  
like  electrons around their nucleus  
And what feels right...what feels pure..  
Don't confine it  
Disperse it  
 
 
The law of our attraction has strange legislation...  
I tried so hard that only my abdication is left  
We are compelled to be as if all were real  
But nothing is real except ALL  
With or without you  
I put no will on what I want  
Your angel eyes  
Your rainbow love..  
the things and words undone untold..  
I put no will  
I try no more  
The path in question is walked by the Soul  
What is unwritten may rise or may fall  
 
 
"My star of everything"..  
Your words that I won't forget  
That smile that blurred my world  
That love is now drop dead  
I kiss her on the lips  
I stroke her ideas  
True love shall never end  
but yet, nothing is real

 
 
 
I slowly watch  
your hair getting
grey by the day
 

eyes exploding  
into supernovas
everytime an  
outburst arrives
 
almost like  
it's on queue—
 
do you ever feel
exhausted being
wrapped up in  
your own kind
of sabotage
 
are you enjoying
this dark matter
under the guise  
of something else,
 
do you prefer  
how size six feet  
keep walking on  
crushed glass?
 
must be tiring
not bringing
yourself into  
the light
 
so you must
keep taking
what's left
of mine.

I masked the hurt with anger and looked for revenge in the most spiteful way,
Not knowing that from that day forward everything would completely change, 
And in some strange way I didn’t grasp the damage it would do to all of us, 
You grew angrier and I somehow found my strength buried under all the rubble. 
But first I had to dig through all the debris, the guilt, the everlasting shame, 
Taking all the blame because it didn’t really matter who set it off at first, 
Because your verse will always be different than mine, I know I did wrong, 
But as long as I had my baby boy, even though I was lost I still had hope. 
I didn’t want you back, 
How could I? I wouldn’t want myself back if I had done that to me, 
And no matter how you see it, I too was so hurt the way it all went down, 
Razed to the ground, we were a mess but those were the choices we made, 
Had I stayed, there was no telling how much worse it would have gotten. 
Maybe it was for the best, we had grown apart and my heart wasn’t in it, 
It was my fault, I never should have started, I should have been more honest, 
I broke all those promises when I strayed away and brought your wrath, 
It was a bloodbath, 
But you knew me, I was that type of guy to help you build it and then destroy it. 

I didn't want to believe in our love
Because I knew it would go down in flames
You fought really hard for my commitment
Until I gave it to you, then you discarded me
Translation: You threw me out
But kept my heart, my bones on the roadside
Fresh kill
Bleed out in the love ghetto

The joke's on you though babe
I always come back
With scars but smarter
Next time just prostitutes
Transactions consummated
No fault love loss
Everyone wins, no tumors, no malignancy