Funeral: The Last Rites

The body of my formerly huge brother
Was right there in that small urn
On that fancy table in front of us.

A small chapel at the cemetary
Can't say I had strong feelings
As I never could really relate
To my older brother

Afterwards the family
And a few of his friends
Gathered at some restaurant.

I never even spoke to the new widow.

Your face had a look of true  
peace, but your hands  
betrayed Death,  
with their bloodless, loose skin.  
 
Just days earlier you were talking  
about hearing  angels sing,
and I wondered what it sounded like
 
I will never forget that open room,
the odd smell, my six-year-old,
curious about what an empty  
body looked like, nearly pulling
 
the casket off the stand trying  
to get a better look. My heart  
stopped, and as I moved
to snatch her up, I heard you say:
 
Leave that baby alone,  
she’s not hurtin’ nothin.
 
I smiled a little as I moved  
her away from curiosities she could  
not fully understand.  
 
Your spirit was on to other things,
but you lingered in my heart: clinging
to my best memories.

Darling dust
of yesterday
must I brush you
from my heart
before I love again
Flowers on the casket
never eased the pain
Talking at the grave
I felt you
push me away
though our memories
always remain
Must I brush you
from my heart
before I live again

I stared into those glassy eyes
and I cried cried cried
my tears dripping right inside
wishing to make them alive

even for a single second
I craved to fill the emptiness
to find the missing bond
feel less of the mess

then I closed them lids
as if sleeping they would say
but they felt heavy amidst
this forsaken sunlit day

I heard chatter from afar
gibberish and some laughter
I could not make sense at all
of this forever after

they lowered the coffin
deep into the ground
the thuds filled it to the brim
a soul never to be found

yet I still see them glassy eyes
and I cried cried cried
dried up tears and sweet lies
as on that sunlit day I too died

Everyones here....its almost time....
We've gathered together to bid you goodbye..
In this room the closet family is gathered
To comfort each others hearts that have shattered

All the pues are filled with family and friends
They've made it to see you to the very end..
Each one you touched in some special way
They wouldn't miss seeing you on the last day

Everyone will say their goodbyes
With so many tears and so many cries
Everyone will ask "are you ok"?
What I really want is for you to go away

They'll show pictures and play songs
And tell funny stories of things you did wrong
This is the hard part because no one is talking
The silence is here is oh so haunting

Now that its over and we've laid you to rest
Everyone can share stories that are the best
Now theres laughters and smiles all here
Even in death there is also some cheer

Now weve gone home, it isn't the same
I wish you would say let's play a game..
Cards it would be, the only one you play
I know We'll get another chance someday

Black suite, and a black tie
Both are signs, that say goodbye

Why did you leave?
So many people miss you, and they want you back
Does that mean nothing to you?
Maybe it's better that your gone

It's just me staring at this casket
Tears of regret, fear and anger
Warm rain
Perhaps God cries as well today

Was it society that killed this part of me?
The cloak of kindness I wore is gone
Dead
Stripped from my righteous back
Only to be put in a grave

A part of me died today
It was buried deep within my heart
Instead of flowers in the casket
Joy was thrown, along with love
Laughter tossed, mixed with smiles

Welcome to my one man funeral
I'm the only one who showed
Maybe it's for the best
I'm the only one who knew me

 
There is always a silence that comes before the tears
The memories
The cherished recollection of the departed…

When I heard the news she was gone
It was a shock
She had taken care of my boys since they were babies
She had become part of our family
I didn’t know what to say or think

In the times of COVID
Many lives were taken
Many risked their own health to take care of others
To take care of their own
And that’s what Yvonne did
She took care of her husband, her children
Only to succumb to the virus herself

I had never seen so many people gathered
Family
Old friends
Families of the children she helped raise
And the babies she once took care of were now young adults
Mourning the loss of someone who gave them love and care

Our hearts went out to her husband and her children
Especially to her youngest girls who looked just like her
Their mother was taken too soon

Standing in line
Saying goodbye
My boys and all the kids whom she babysat
Lay sunflowers on her coffin

There was a silence
Right before the casket was lowered
Followed by soft tears echoing in the air
Young girls weeping
Remembering childhood
As my boys stood quiet
My heart ached for them

She was great person

We had a two-hour drive back
All of us were silent in the car

It was while I was driving
That I remembered
Yvonne and her husband stopped by the night before we moved away
They prayed for us
She cried and embraced my boys
She cried when we unexpectedly stopped by a few years later
Seeing my boys grown up
And though we kept in contact
There was a guilt in my heart that we should have tried harder

It was while I was driving
In the total silence
And soft sniffles
Memories of smiles felt imprinted forever
When I too quietly wept