Content Warning : Do you want to continue?
This forum post contains content which some readers may find disturbing.
It is unsuitable for children or anyone who is easily offended.
This forum post contains content which some readers may find disturbing.
It is unsuitable for children or anyone who is easily offended.
YES
I am over 18 years old, I have been warned and I still want to read this forum post.
I am over 18 years old, I have been warned and I still want to read this forum post.
NO
I don't want to read this type of content, take me back to the previous page.
I don't want to read this type of content, take me back to the previous page.
Poetry competition CLOSED 1st April 2022 10:09pm
WINNER
Bluevelvete
Bluevelvete
Humour Has It !!
Poetry Contest Description
Write a pant wettingly funny poem
Of late, our DU has become freaking serious!
So the task is this...
Imagine there is indeed a humour category and give it your best shot!
Write a screamingly funny poem
1... 1 Week
2... Enter as many as you want.
3... All styles / forms / types of poetry accepted.
4... All ages of poems old, new, middle aged, geriatric...
5...Make it light hearted and funny. Have fun with it!
Go for it...
So the task is this...
Imagine there is indeed a humour category and give it your best shot!
Write a screamingly funny poem
1... 1 Week
2... Enter as many as you want.
3... All styles / forms / types of poetry accepted.
4... All ages of poems old, new, middle aged, geriatric...
5...Make it light hearted and funny. Have fun with it!
Go for it...
Anonymous
… imma leave this entry here because it feels like it fits 
“Imagine being a T-Rex”
https://youtu.be/vfyCvIgkKd4
“Imagine being a T-Rex”
https://youtu.be/vfyCvIgkKd4
Northern_Soul said:… imma leave this entry here because it feels like it fits
“Imagine being a T-Rex”
Kd4" class="dkgreenlink" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">https://youtu.be/vfyCvIgk
Kd4
It absolutely fits!
the wank imagery was hilarious 😂
“Imagine being a T-Rex”
Kd4" class="dkgreenlink" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">https://youtu.be/vfyCvIgk
Kd4 It absolutely fits!
the wank imagery was hilarious 😂
Incensed by supposed taboos ~ 'Cunt' isn't your mother's curse word anymore...
You Cunt!
The supposed worst curse word
that can be spat with perfect venom.
The ultimate in anger slander
(if you're American)
at almost all women.
All people, really.
It's instant face turned red
"Green means Go"
"Run motherfucker, RUN."
It's the be all end all.
The cherry on top of a sundae
of pist off rage
I enjoy and embrace
it's impactful engage
I claim it as my own
Yes,
I claim it as
"My very own Cunt"
Ha!
Ya dirty fuckers...
It's true
I can almost hear you.
You.
Feeling that quiet uncomfortable stirring
A sort of shock in erotic confirming
You bunch of cunts!!
It's just a word
Albeit the best one
(outside of motherfucker)
but still-
Only. A. Word.
I know,
I do..
That there's power
in all words.
However, it's the
power we give them
that makes certain ones
so very powerful.
That's why a reclaiming
of CUNT,
to where there's no fucking shaming
making it my own— anew
in it's complete reshaping,
realigns the meaning.
Besides,
I have a much higher ire,
where my deep well of anger resides
festering in a mixed complexity,
starting with lack of inequity.
Racial, sexual, financial
What happened to
what's fair for you is fair for me?
Then there's the real life implications
of women that are paid lower pay
for the exact same job a man portrays
Or a deflated, sad defeat
of a really, I mean really subpar lay
(Silly cunt, to put up with that)
How 'bout the fact that there's
flat Earther's in existence?
The earth is NOT fucking flat.
Those motherfuckers are just dumb cunts.
(See what I did there?)
With stupidity in blind persistence
yet even THAT pales in comparison
to where my deepest anger tilts the gauge
Beginning with an aging cunt's harassment
Getting older isn't for pussies
To be saddled with a hormonal rage?
Is taking common sense, unmitigated desire
and logical reasoning
smashing them to bits
while battling in a blood soaked
UFC steel octagon version
of my randomly firing emotions.
Having periods when you least expect them
The Shining vs Lawrence of Arabia
Along with hot flashes
that leave you breathless
My cunt behaving ridiculously scandalous
Never-ending emotional randomness
Sleeplessness that invades
Crying in a moment of nonsensical malaise
While living within
a surrealistic pandemic haze
The stereotypical irony
isn't lost on me
That my worst lifetime behavior is induced
in a solo quarantined environment
Chock-full of peri -menopausal
humorous survivement
"Sorry my hormones make me psychotic!"
She's a hysterical cunt, this one is....
Written by Bluevelvete
Go To Page
Drivel
O my fucking God!
I scribbled another piece of shit on the parchment
And when the monk returns from the city
He’s gonna kick my ass…again!
I am a brain dead scribe - still...
Still jotting down shit for a monk in a dank cave
In a mountain in Tibet.
I AM NO MONK! I am not even certain I wanna be (pompous Fuck!).
I haven’t been formerly trained and this fucking monk
doesn’t show me shit (damn selfish bastard).
Perhaps, my lack of correct syllable
Comes from way too much drink!
Hah! As if that monk saw through my dribble
Of which I continue (to think).....
to scribe.
I scribbled another piece of shit on the parchment
And when the monk returns from the city
He’s gonna kick my ass…again!
I am a brain dead scribe - still...
Still jotting down shit for a monk in a dank cave
In a mountain in Tibet.
I AM NO MONK! I am not even certain I wanna be (pompous Fuck!).
I haven’t been formerly trained and this fucking monk
doesn’t show me shit (damn selfish bastard).
Perhaps, my lack of correct syllable
Comes from way too much drink!
Hah! As if that monk saw through my dribble
Of which I continue (to think).....
to scribe.
Written by Tallen
(earth_empath)
Go To Page
The Mallard
a story, in verse,
with my apologies to Edgar Allen Poe,
and to anyone with a fetish for popcorn,
or spinsters,
or ducks
Once upon a May’s day, cheery, as I pondered, gay but weary,
Weary from the din of ducks amassing near my backyard door.
While I nodded, noontime-napping, dreaming that I heard some quacking,
Mallard drake was gently quacking, quacking at my backyard door.
“He’s just looking for a handout, quacking at my backyard door.
Only this and nothing more.”
Dreamt I'm hungry for a snack, and fetched some popcorn from the back, and
Poured it in a dish for that and opened up the oven’s door.
Eagerly I set the timer, strong was my popcorn desire!
Oven’s Bell! I got excited, and I spilled some on the floor,
In the kitchen, near the door, a little popcorn on the floor.
Only that and nothing more.
Thrilled with my hot buttered treat, I took the bowl back to my seat, and,
Thinking to myself, “I spilled some. Maybe, I should pop some more?”
While I dreamt of popcorn popping, quacking that I heard, not stopping
Duck outside now loudly quacking, quacking at my backyard door.
It can smell that buttered popcorn, lying near the kitchen door.
A hungry duck, and nothing more.
Through the backdoor window peering, hungry quacking I was hearing,
Dreaming to myself that I should sweep the popcorn off the floor.
What about that duck I’m hearing? It could help with popcorn clearing
If I let the duck inside, now quacking at my kitchen door.
It will eat the popcorn spilled there, popcorn lying on my floor.
Feed it popcorn, nothing more.
Feeding popcorn to that drake soon proved to be a big mistake, that
Mallard drake ate all the popcorn spilled upon my kitchen floor.
Now that duck’s fulfilled its mission, time to make it leave my kitchen!
Duck inside needs prompt eviction, quacking that it wants some more.
It can smell my bowl of popcorn, quacking that it wants some more.
Quoth the Mallard “Popcorn! More!”
Duck was fast and clearly able, flew upon my kitchen table,
Eating all my buttered popcorn right from out my popcorn bowl!
Damn that duck for stealing popcorn, eating all my buttered popcorn!
Duck inside with wings a-flapping, quacking that it wants some more.
I went to fetch more popcorn and discovered that there was no more.
Then the bird said “Popcorn! More!”
Angry now, popcorn bereft, my outrage on that duck beset, I
Shooed my fow’l popcorn pest from off my table to the floor.
Popcorn thief showed no contrition, as I chased it ‘round my kitchen
Cursing it to fowls’ perdition, as it flapped across the floor!
Stared at me with strong suspicion, then it waddled out my door.
Silence then and nothing more.
Flustered by that duck, now vexed, I dreamt that I should calm myself, by
Walking to the cineplex, to watch a movie and unwind.
On the way, while walking there, I dreamt the day was bright and fair, and
I enjoyed some clean, fresh air, no longer lacking peace of mind;
Suddenly, I heard the blare of hungry quacking from behind!
Think I’m going to lose my mind.
My anxiety came back when, whereupon that hungry quack from
Mallard duck, my walk bushwhacked, as toward the cineplex I plied;
Soon, the ticket window reaching, with that hungry quacking screeching,
Ticket window lady preaching, “You can’t bring that duck inside!”
Spite against all my beseeching, by her rules I must abide.
Overreaching rules? He’ll hide!
By that duck, denied my entrance, dreamt I feigned a measured temperance.
Mallard duck my new apprentice, whom I now must sneak inside.
In my trousers I must stuff that menace of a hungry duck if
I am to have any luck and win my entrance, get inside.
I must hide that stupid duck within my trousers, to abide.
Silly rules now brushed aside.
Bought some popcorn, found my seat, I sat down next to sisters, sweet old
Ladies sitting in their seats, just chatting calmly next to me.
Eating popcorn in my seat, and feeling kicking from webbed feet, my
Zipper, opened, Mallard beak poked out from trousers, so to breathe.
Spinster sitting next to me can not believe what she now sees!
Just a duck that needs to breathe.
Hungry duck has found my popcorn, duck’s head buried deep in popcorn;
Spinster seethes with fear and scorn, believing I’m enacting porn.
Spinster sitting next to me elbows her sister, for to see, what
She mistakes as part of me, a private part she should not see!
Worldly sister smiles with glee, “That’s nothing that we haven’t seen.”
“Seen One, and you’ve seen them all!”
Spinster sitting next to me keeps gawking at the part of me that
She believes that she can see, a shocking masturbation scene.
Sound of duckbill mastication, munching popcorn, no cessation,
In the dark, duck’s head’s gyration, crunching popcorn, is a blur.
Believes that I am masturbating, in my popcorn, just for her.
Exposed, indecently, to her.
Spinster sitting next to me elbows her sister frantically, but
Worldly sister casually just waves it off with just a laugh.
Hungry duck then finds her popcorn, frantic spinster’s box of popcorn
Duck’s head flips her box airborne and dumps it all upon her lap.
When it tries to eat the popcorn, I receive a righteous slap!
Shocked awake from noontime's nap!
with my apologies to Edgar Allen Poe,
and to anyone with a fetish for popcorn,
or spinsters,
or ducks
Once upon a May’s day, cheery, as I pondered, gay but weary,
Weary from the din of ducks amassing near my backyard door.
While I nodded, noontime-napping, dreaming that I heard some quacking,
Mallard drake was gently quacking, quacking at my backyard door.
“He’s just looking for a handout, quacking at my backyard door.
Only this and nothing more.”
Dreamt I'm hungry for a snack, and fetched some popcorn from the back, and
Poured it in a dish for that and opened up the oven’s door.
Eagerly I set the timer, strong was my popcorn desire!
Oven’s Bell! I got excited, and I spilled some on the floor,
In the kitchen, near the door, a little popcorn on the floor.
Only that and nothing more.
Thrilled with my hot buttered treat, I took the bowl back to my seat, and,
Thinking to myself, “I spilled some. Maybe, I should pop some more?”
While I dreamt of popcorn popping, quacking that I heard, not stopping
Duck outside now loudly quacking, quacking at my backyard door.
It can smell that buttered popcorn, lying near the kitchen door.
A hungry duck, and nothing more.
Through the backdoor window peering, hungry quacking I was hearing,
Dreaming to myself that I should sweep the popcorn off the floor.
What about that duck I’m hearing? It could help with popcorn clearing
If I let the duck inside, now quacking at my kitchen door.
It will eat the popcorn spilled there, popcorn lying on my floor.
Feed it popcorn, nothing more.
Feeding popcorn to that drake soon proved to be a big mistake, that
Mallard drake ate all the popcorn spilled upon my kitchen floor.
Now that duck’s fulfilled its mission, time to make it leave my kitchen!
Duck inside needs prompt eviction, quacking that it wants some more.
It can smell my bowl of popcorn, quacking that it wants some more.
Quoth the Mallard “Popcorn! More!”
Duck was fast and clearly able, flew upon my kitchen table,
Eating all my buttered popcorn right from out my popcorn bowl!
Damn that duck for stealing popcorn, eating all my buttered popcorn!
Duck inside with wings a-flapping, quacking that it wants some more.
I went to fetch more popcorn and discovered that there was no more.
Then the bird said “Popcorn! More!”
Angry now, popcorn bereft, my outrage on that duck beset, I
Shooed my fow’l popcorn pest from off my table to the floor.
Popcorn thief showed no contrition, as I chased it ‘round my kitchen
Cursing it to fowls’ perdition, as it flapped across the floor!
Stared at me with strong suspicion, then it waddled out my door.
Silence then and nothing more.
Flustered by that duck, now vexed, I dreamt that I should calm myself, by
Walking to the cineplex, to watch a movie and unwind.
On the way, while walking there, I dreamt the day was bright and fair, and
I enjoyed some clean, fresh air, no longer lacking peace of mind;
Suddenly, I heard the blare of hungry quacking from behind!
Think I’m going to lose my mind.
My anxiety came back when, whereupon that hungry quack from
Mallard duck, my walk bushwhacked, as toward the cineplex I plied;
Soon, the ticket window reaching, with that hungry quacking screeching,
Ticket window lady preaching, “You can’t bring that duck inside!”
Spite against all my beseeching, by her rules I must abide.
Overreaching rules? He’ll hide!
By that duck, denied my entrance, dreamt I feigned a measured temperance.
Mallard duck my new apprentice, whom I now must sneak inside.
In my trousers I must stuff that menace of a hungry duck if
I am to have any luck and win my entrance, get inside.
I must hide that stupid duck within my trousers, to abide.
Silly rules now brushed aside.
Bought some popcorn, found my seat, I sat down next to sisters, sweet old
Ladies sitting in their seats, just chatting calmly next to me.
Eating popcorn in my seat, and feeling kicking from webbed feet, my
Zipper, opened, Mallard beak poked out from trousers, so to breathe.
Spinster sitting next to me can not believe what she now sees!
Just a duck that needs to breathe.
Hungry duck has found my popcorn, duck’s head buried deep in popcorn;
Spinster seethes with fear and scorn, believing I’m enacting porn.
Spinster sitting next to me elbows her sister, for to see, what
She mistakes as part of me, a private part she should not see!
Worldly sister smiles with glee, “That’s nothing that we haven’t seen.”
“Seen One, and you’ve seen them all!”
Spinster sitting next to me keeps gawking at the part of me that
She believes that she can see, a shocking masturbation scene.
Sound of duckbill mastication, munching popcorn, no cessation,
In the dark, duck’s head’s gyration, crunching popcorn, is a blur.
Believes that I am masturbating, in my popcorn, just for her.
Exposed, indecently, to her.
Spinster sitting next to me elbows her sister frantically, but
Worldly sister casually just waves it off with just a laugh.
Hungry duck then finds her popcorn, frantic spinster’s box of popcorn
Duck’s head flips her box airborne and dumps it all upon her lap.
When it tries to eat the popcorn, I receive a righteous slap!
Shocked awake from noontime's nap!
Written by ReggiePoet
(Reggie)
Go To Page
the cool cat!
He's the coolest-cat
on the Dee-You-Pee
Listen closely
I'll show you
-You'll see
there's no cooler pussy
even in
Alumini universi-teee
His inbox is so large
the green, stays red
and the girls in the sent
say his pics are bent
apparently the shadow
makes them order
Mello Yellow
and look,
well he's the coolest-gent
(charged them a fee
for image-rent)
He's the coolest-cat
with his Fer-ra-ri
and Lecoste Golf-Tee
[insert a wank emoji]
apparently hasn't bothered
to build on the poet tree
naah the book's so bland
and his critiques
not FREE!
when he drops a roast
everyone pretends
he's "Brad The Bad"
growing his cool-cat fad
He's won so many comps
the stars are prompts
but look,
he's the host
some kinda holy-ghost
Eating fucking caviar
on his toast
He's still the coolest
cat, you ever did see
walking like a pimp
-Adidas sneakers
Nike slacks
Dark shades
above his head
-they say he keeps them on
in bed
The question that ponders
his head-shot
- a lady generic
from shutter-stock
- causing wires
to be in mental block
They say it's a fact
you'll see
He's the coolest cat
on the dee-you-pee
Written by RevolutionAL
(Alistair Plint)
Go To Page
Not A Entry
Just having fun with it!
Just having fun with it!
Anonymous
“A song that’s barely a song about wearing a face mask in a global pandemic”
https://youtu.be/GBQOdD2oL4s
(I’ll post this and then run away very fast. Not safe for work. 😂)
https://youtu.be/GBQOdD2oL4s
(I’ll post this and then run away very fast. Not safe for work. 😂)
Northern_Soul said:“A song that’s barely a song about wearing a face mask in a global pandemic”
https://youtu.be/GBQOdD2oL4s
(I’ll post this and then run away very fast. Not safe for work. 😂)
Had to wait a while for listen, that's funny!
https://youtu.be/GBQOdD2oL4s
(I’ll post this and then run away very fast. Not safe for work. 😂)
Had to wait a while for listen, that's funny!
The Woman in Fendi and the Young Salesman
She was known around town as the snooty divorcee
In the settlement she took most of her ex-husband’s money
But then she got accustomed to living in such a way
She thought of herself as queen since she had all that honey
Hermes, Gucci, Prada, you name it, she had it all
From Oscar, Marc, Ralph, Versace to Armani and Dior
Decked in diamonds and red bottoms made her look tall
And yet the woman in Fendi was shaped like a door
She went into car dealership looking for something nice
A convertible preferably to show off her wealth
The salesman was busy but once he seen all that ice
He would try to approach her very casual and stealth
She leaned against a Mercedes and she sat down
Feeling the fine leather seats that was crafted like art
But she felt her an air bubble so she looked around
And since no one was nearby, she let out a smelly fart
But when she turned the young salesman was there!
She tried to rub against the leather to mimic the sound
The young salesman stood like a statue, smiling, very aware
Of the gas the woman with class was trying to play down
“I’m interested in this car” she said sounding snooty and smart
Flipping her hair, flexing her Fendi and all that ice
He said “Ma’am if the feel of this automobile made your booty fart…
Then you are going to shit your pants when you hear the price!”
Written by wallyroo92
Go To Page
