deepundergroundpoetry.com
Tapping Feet And Heels-Pointing-Toes.
These silenced walls
barren
Each flaking
plaster
patch
begs
release
from
the bricks
behind
The paint
is taint
too
A walk through
the door
and
a quick glance
back
at a book
published
in sixty four
Those were the
Brian Adams’
days
Who needs horror
when
the music
is an
original
score
[.]
Published 29th Dec 2012
| Edited 7th Jul 2018
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 1
comments 9
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
29th Dec 2012 7:33pm
intriguing write...especially love the ending...i've missed reading you...hope all is well with you :)
2nd Jun 2015 3:54pm
Thank You Elizabeth, I am so glad you enjoyed it. I am back with my book and my pen, there shall be some fun words to splatter on some new pages soon.
;)
Al
;)
Al
30th Dec 2012 2:11am
yes, good t'see ye again
& a bit surreal t'boot---which
eye always
like,like
always -
may yr newyear be a slap'happy surreality-
just like mine....& come visit mo'offen,
y'hear?
& a bit surreal t'boot---which
eye always
like,like
always -
may yr newyear be a slap'happy surreality-
just like mine....& come visit mo'offen,
y'hear?
30th Dec 2012 4:11am
30th Dec 2012 1:58pm
there's something in this poem. i don't know what exactly but it's.just.stunning.
30th Dec 2012 8:35pm
2nd Jun 2015 3:55pm
30th Dec 2012 2:49pm
brother al
what we have here is the shite.:]
These silenced walls
barren
[barren is a strong word. who would think that
it could be used in the context of walls. holy.
you just added several coats of intensity right
there.]
Each flaking
plaster
patch
begs
release
from
the bricks
behind
And the paint
is taint
too
[the addition of 'release' and 'taint'
make the difference. release gives it
a stronger physical dimension in the
next line, almost giving a sense of
life to the bricks,the sinister kind.
same can be said about 'taint'.bravo.]
A walk through
the door
and
a quick glance
back
at a book
published
in sixty four
[love this personal touch. al moment.]
Those where
Brian Adams’
days
[perhaps we meant 'were'. jmo.
i also feel we are missing 'the'
in L2.]
Who needs horror
when
the music
is an
original
score
[the zenith at the bottom. the tip of
brilliance. this poem is almost like
an inverted pyramid. ]
this is just superlative. vintage al stuff.
shine on my friend,
x
sumeet
what we have here is the shite.:]
These silenced walls
barren
[barren is a strong word. who would think that
it could be used in the context of walls. holy.
you just added several coats of intensity right
there.]
Each flaking
plaster
patch
begs
release
from
the bricks
behind
And the paint
is taint
too
[the addition of 'release' and 'taint'
make the difference. release gives it
a stronger physical dimension in the
next line, almost giving a sense of
life to the bricks,the sinister kind.
same can be said about 'taint'.bravo.]
A walk through
the door
and
a quick glance
back
at a book
published
in sixty four
[love this personal touch. al moment.]
Those where
Brian Adams’
days
[perhaps we meant 'were'. jmo.
i also feel we are missing 'the'
in L2.]
Who needs horror
when
the music
is an
original
score
[the zenith at the bottom. the tip of
brilliance. this poem is almost like
an inverted pyramid. ]
this is just superlative. vintage al stuff.
shine on my friend,
x
sumeet
9th Jan 2013 6:14am
* Looks Up...
Thank You Faith, Dan-man, blocat, Opheliac, Ataki and Summeet.
I am glad you enjoyed this piece.
Thank you for the edits!
love at you & blue skies
Al -x-
Thank You Faith, Dan-man, blocat, Opheliac, Ataki and Summeet.
I am glad you enjoyed this piece.
Thank you for the edits!
love at you & blue skies
Al -x-
