deepundergroundpoetry.com
la derničre chanson d' amour [ With Whitewand6]
block all the rivers
arrest their flow
see it twirl brine
shut down the sea
let the waves die slow
listen to the howl
of ageless secrets
hold the breeze back
watch the flocks collide
headlong without a sound
cover the sun
in a blanket
black as
the habits of nuns
hear the neigh of
the four horses
watch us
wilt
on our earth
allow us to
seep
light set in the motion
within the darkness
celebrate
as we perish in poetry
essence bursting out
through the pores
sinking caving
into the deaf
womb of
a world
of un
known
craving
let us
wither into
hearts of wood
carving
a thousand barren
figments
whilst yearning
a touch
a whisper
our love
a love
that
we
held
true
.
Thank you my very good friend Whitewand6.
Good to work with you
Smiles & giggles
Al-x-
Written by
RevolutionAL
(Alistair Plint)
Published 15th Jan 2013
| Edited 16th Jan 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 7
reading list entries 0
comments 17
reads 864
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re: la derničre chanson d' amour [ With Whitwand6
Anonymous
15th Jan 2013 8:03am
Cool poem, A P.
Enjoyed the way it kinda spirals off to a minimalist form, right down to your full stop!
The way certain words have been almost imperceptibly modified stanza per stanza....carving...carving....really rocks my mind.
This line...." as we perish in poetry "....feels heavy. How do we perish in poetry, by writing it? Just curious, ok.
And wonder who writes that last song of love......
Superb effort, A P
Keep penning!
Cheers
Tidespotter
Enjoyed the way it kinda spirals off to a minimalist form, right down to your full stop!
The way certain words have been almost imperceptibly modified stanza per stanza....carving...carving....really rocks my mind.
This line...." as we perish in poetry "....feels heavy. How do we perish in poetry, by writing it? Just curious, ok.
And wonder who writes that last song of love......
Superb effort, A P
Keep penning!
Cheers
Tidespotter
1
re: Re: la derničre chanson d' amour [ With Whitwand6
15th Jan 2013 10:04am
Hello Tidespotter
Well I do think it's the first time, I've found you amongst these pages, and well thank you and welcome. A quick glance at your page found a mutual respect for Andre' P Brink. Good on you. We need more supporters of notable South African authors here. And someone who actually understands "The Sixty-ers" is a good thing.
About Whitewand6's work above (that I stole and put here) and your wonderful comment (that I also stole and put here).
Yes that line is heavy and hard hitting and I could see your concern about it's direct translation... mmm but as far as metaphors go, I think Summeet hit it on the nail, if your heart is going to die, may as well be well worded really.
Loving that you like our style of clipping the lines, it's a personal quirk that, and we love pruning.
Thanks for the visit the valued comment and the spot.
Blue Skies in the tides
Al & Whitewand6 (who I don't think minds stealing this comment either)
;]
Well I do think it's the first time, I've found you amongst these pages, and well thank you and welcome. A quick glance at your page found a mutual respect for Andre' P Brink. Good on you. We need more supporters of notable South African authors here. And someone who actually understands "The Sixty-ers" is a good thing.
About Whitewand6's work above (that I stole and put here) and your wonderful comment (that I also stole and put here).
Yes that line is heavy and hard hitting and I could see your concern about it's direct translation... mmm but as far as metaphors go, I think Summeet hit it on the nail, if your heart is going to die, may as well be well worded really.
Loving that you like our style of clipping the lines, it's a personal quirk that, and we love pruning.
Thanks for the visit the valued comment and the spot.
Blue Skies in the tides
Al & Whitewand6 (who I don't think minds stealing this comment either)
;]
re: re: Re: la derničre chanson d' amour [ With Whitwa
Anonymous
15th Jan 2013 1:24pm
Hey, cool.
Absolutely dig the energy in your response.
Superswell moments to you and your...er.......team. :-)
Tides always look UP to the blue skies!
Rock on.
Tidespotter
Absolutely dig the energy in your response.
Superswell moments to you and your...er.......team. :-)
Tides always look UP to the blue skies!
Rock on.
Tidespotter
1
Re: la derničre chanson d' amour [ With Whitwand6
15th Jan 2013 11:05am
Hi pal was looking forward to reading your work again. I too like the flow finishing with the last full stop very effective and original (To me anyway) Great impact thanks.
Big Smiles
The cat
Big Smiles
The cat
1
re: Re: la derničre chanson d' amour [ With Whitwand6
15th Jan 2013 11:22am
You know, I keep meaning to tell you... One of my favourite entertainers of all time is a chap named Dennis Mclean, anyway in the seventies this guy had a radio show and his nickname for whatever reason was Dennis The Cat. everytime I see you dive through these pages... I smile and remember Dennis The Cat!
Thanks for the visit and the comment and the memory.
Al-x-
Thanks for the visit and the comment and the memory.
Al-x-
Re: la derničre chanson d' amour [ With Whitwand6
15th Jan 2013 1:33pm
nice'ly tuned bit'o
monster'osity Love
a poom for thee misbegotten /
do th'[w]rite-on, daddio
monster'osity Love
a poom for thee misbegotten /
do th'[w]rite-on, daddio
2
re: Re: la derničre chanson d' amour [ With Whitwand6
15th Jan 2013 2:16pm
Thank you poetic friend
It is good to have you here
again and even better reading
your words.
I'm sure my friend Whitewand6 agrees.
;]
It is good to have you here
again and even better reading
your words.
I'm sure my friend Whitewand6 agrees.
;]
Re: la derničre chanson d' amour [ With Whitwand6
15th Jan 2013 3:05pm
re: Re: la derničre chanson d' amour [ With Whitwand6
Hey Faith
Thank you for your kind words and spending time on our piece. I'm sure MR.Wand6 agrees that flow in the piece was something we worked very hard on and so getting such feedback is very cool and a upity moment.
;]
Al-x-
Thank you for your kind words and spending time on our piece. I'm sure MR.Wand6 agrees that flow in the piece was something we worked very hard on and so getting such feedback is very cool and a upity moment.
;]
Al-x-
Re: la derničre chanson d' amour [ With Whitwand6
15th Jan 2013 8:09pm
I'm liking this one, the imagery and the flow. It's passionate, yearning.
Good work, you two. :)
Good work, you two. :)
1
re: Re: la derničre chanson d' amour [ With Whitwand6
16th Jan 2013 9:34am
well it's smiles from us, if you liking it Ataki. Special moments that we share together... So I'll wish you blue skies from both myself and Mr Wand6 -x-
Re: la derničre chanson d' amour [ With Whitwand6
16th Jan 2013 1:11pm
There will be no elegant jargon from me, I'm not embarresed to say, I simply don't know enough to say something witty about stanzas, minamalist anything or sisty-ers. lol
But I do know when something moves me, even if I don't know why. And I know when I like something, even if I don't understand it. I havent much schooling, but it takes naught to know when something is beautiful.
So I'll just say, I really liked this a lot, thought it beautiful, and was immensely moved. Thank you and MR. Whitewand6 for
"the last love song" (I googled it). Your words made me feel nostalgic, a tad bit sad, yet fullfilled somehow, and all without knowing why. Now that sir, is talent.
But I do know when something moves me, even if I don't know why. And I know when I like something, even if I don't understand it. I havent much schooling, but it takes naught to know when something is beautiful.
So I'll just say, I really liked this a lot, thought it beautiful, and was immensely moved. Thank you and MR. Whitewand6 for
"the last love song" (I googled it). Your words made me feel nostalgic, a tad bit sad, yet fullfilled somehow, and all without knowing why. Now that sir, is talent.
1
re: Re: la derničre chanson d' amour [ With Whitwand6
Dearest Shaundra,
I'm going to openly admit that I think I love you.
Anyone who takes the time to research the title of a poem and quote it's meaning in their comment, is a special friend of mine.
You know...I don't know if you read much of Summeets work here at DUP, but if you don't I highly recomend him as one of the best poets on this site.
Our version of "The last love song" is special to us, two men who loved the same woman and both ended up without her and then wrote the last love song at her...
go on go read the piece again, then visit Whitewand6!
;]
p.s. thank you for splashing truth on my page and doing it with such elegance and beauty.
love at you, my dear
Al-x-
I'm going to openly admit that I think I love you.
Anyone who takes the time to research the title of a poem and quote it's meaning in their comment, is a special friend of mine.
You know...I don't know if you read much of Summeets work here at DUP, but if you don't I highly recomend him as one of the best poets on this site.
Our version of "The last love song" is special to us, two men who loved the same woman and both ended up without her and then wrote the last love song at her...
go on go read the piece again, then visit Whitewand6!
;]
p.s. thank you for splashing truth on my page and doing it with such elegance and beauty.
love at you, my dear
Al-x-
re: re: Re: la derničre chanson d' amour [ With Whitwa
17th Jan 2013 00:29am
I will look up Summeets here. Aww, thank you for explaining "the last love song" to me. Now I can go back and really read it. I love the 'truth' even when it hurts.
Shaunda
Shaunda
1
re: re: Re: la derničre chanson d' amour [ With Whitwa
17th Jan 2013 00:33am
re: re: re: Re: la derničre chanson d' amour [ With Wh
17th Jan 2013 8:07am
Here is the link of the wonderfully talented Summeet...
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poets/Whitewand6/
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poets/Whitewand6/
re: re: re: re: Re: la derničre chanson d' amour [ Wit
20th Jan 2013 11:04am
Thank you kind sir. I will go and read his stuff. ahahaha Just laughing at myself for calling his poetry STUFF. I'm sure that isn't allowed in poetry land, so I'll just go find his Writing's.
1