deepundergroundpoetry.com
A silly song
Tears and Ice,
No more warmth.
Nothing can help me now,
Nothing will save me.
I can feel myself slipping away a little at a time.
I know what is really happening,
I have saved those in my future.
I have made the right choice.
I have ended a curse.
Or have i created one?
My destiny is all but over.
A future has been respun.
Maybe i'll find it,
Or maybe it will find me.
Children run around me,
sing ing a silly little song.
"A story is told,
A song is sung.
A cavern filled.
Piled high with bones,
Rings of flowers and thorns.
Her life has come to an end."
No more warmth.
Nothing can help me now,
Nothing will save me.
I can feel myself slipping away a little at a time.
I know what is really happening,
I have saved those in my future.
I have made the right choice.
I have ended a curse.
Or have i created one?
My destiny is all but over.
A future has been respun.
Maybe i'll find it,
Or maybe it will find me.
Children run around me,
sing ing a silly little song.
"A story is told,
A song is sung.
A cavern filled.
Piled high with bones,
Rings of flowers and thorns.
Her life has come to an end."
Published 2nd Jun 2010
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8th Aug 2011 5:56pm
the rest needs work but these lines:
Children run around me,
singing a silly little song.
"A story is told,
A song is sung.
A cavern filled.
Piled high with bones,
Rings of flowers and thorns."
are ok. (i'd take the out "silly" btw)
you need to add more descriptions of what caused the emotions and take out words that
are just names for emotions.
Children run around me,
singing a silly little song.
"A story is told,
A song is sung.
A cavern filled.
Piled high with bones,
Rings of flowers and thorns."
are ok. (i'd take the out "silly" btw)
you need to add more descriptions of what caused the emotions and take out words that
are just names for emotions.
28th Aug 2011 6:07am
thanx for teh comment but maybe you shouldn't try to diasect this one poem instead you noticed the lyrics of a childs song in gaelic it makes more sense but in english not so much the words in the song that i put in here reminds me of what the children sang as they ran around me when i was visitng my uncle they noticed i was not just irish but i was black irish a curse upon the folk i do not have african american in my blood but instead i have black hair
i am sorry man , i don't get it. i got a small feel of what you are saying when i read your response but to be honest i am still left scratching my head.i mean no offence but maybe lemmy noticed the song because it stood out.
p.s ,we sort of mellowed out on the "fear dubh" thing after the great Phil Lynnot hit the scene.
also contrary to popular belief,we are not all running around with red hair :)
p.s ,we sort of mellowed out on the "fear dubh" thing after the great Phil Lynnot hit the scene.
also contrary to popular belief,we are not all running around with red hair :)
29th Aug 2011 1:16am
well yeah the poem is meant to make you think otherwise what is the point?
Anonymous
- Edited 28th Aug 2011 8:08am
28th Aug 2011 8:06am
The song does stand out, especially since you have 'sing ing' drawn out syllabically.
I must be missing the point, because to me
[I know what is really happening,
I have saved those in my future.
I have made the right choice.
I have ended a curse.
Or have i created one? ] makes me think of abortion, and post-abortion with little kids dancing and sing ing around just makes me cringe.
I must be missing the point, because to me
[I know what is really happening,
I have saved those in my future.
I have made the right choice.
I have ended a curse.
Or have i created one? ] makes me think of abortion, and post-abortion with little kids dancing and sing ing around just makes me cringe.
29th Aug 2011 1:19am
it's not about abortion sorry i went to visit my uncle in ireland and these little kids danced around me singing a cute little melody in gaelic well i translated it and couldn
couldn't understand waht the words were supposed to mean the curse i feel is the fact that i'm irish but i have black hair not red its a family curse and the ones in my future i plan on saving by not letting myself really love deep enough to bear a child should i have a kid it means the child will be cursed like i was
couldn't understand waht the words were supposed to mean the curse i feel is the fact that i'm irish but i have black hair not red its a family curse and the ones in my future i plan on saving by not letting myself really love deep enough to bear a child should i have a kid it means the child will be cursed like i was
Anonymous
29th Aug 2011 2:24am
I know LOTS of Irish without red hair, all from Ireland. Is that seriously considered a curse? Damn.
29th Aug 2011 4:05am
strangley no its just in my family we've had pure irish red hair for 900 years my family is the oldest in ireland and still is however the females are cursed one in my family is born with pure black hair and rather odd features
29th Aug 2011 1:26am
I understand this is meant to make me think, but I don't have enough to go on. It feels too general to really grab me and generate an emotional response. I need something tangible.
