deepundergroundpoetry.com
Self Sacrifice
Perhaps cutting out my heart
Is the answer
To this dilemma.
Who needs to tie a string
To everyone
Anyway?
There you are
Caring,
But wanting.
Here I stand
Unsure which need
Has become greater.
I want to give you everything.
E
V
E
R
Y
T
H
I
N
G
Even if I must
let the tears fall,
my heart break,
myself go
to do it.
Hell is so very cold
Without a blanket.
Is the answer
To this dilemma.
Who needs to tie a string
To everyone
Anyway?
There you are
Caring,
But wanting.
Here I stand
Unsure which need
Has become greater.
I want to give you everything.
E
V
E
R
Y
T
H
I
N
G
Even if I must
let the tears fall,
my heart break,
myself go
to do it.
Hell is so very cold
Without a blanket.
Published 29th Jun 2012
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comments 10
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Anonymous
29th Jun 2012 11:25am
<< post removed >>
29th Jun 2012 2:27pm
My mood is vulnerable enough that your response made me tear up. Thank you for the blanket, my friend.
29th Jun 2012 11:34am
Starlight
I had probably read one of your poems weeks ago in a competition thread. I tried going back there to read it, but like always going back was not a good idea.
This is quite well executed. There is an unsparing honesty and directness that elevates this poem.
I like how you have presented the dilemma like one of those puppet shows. It is tangible and it sits there for the reader to see.
The repetition is very effective.
The last two lines are superlative. I have read a million descriptions of hell. This one was the simplest and yet is a ton of bricks. Sparse and effective writing at its best.
Happy writing Star.
Regards,
Sumeet
I had probably read one of your poems weeks ago in a competition thread. I tried going back there to read it, but like always going back was not a good idea.
This is quite well executed. There is an unsparing honesty and directness that elevates this poem.
I like how you have presented the dilemma like one of those puppet shows. It is tangible and it sits there for the reader to see.
The repetition is very effective.
The last two lines are superlative. I have read a million descriptions of hell. This one was the simplest and yet is a ton of bricks. Sparse and effective writing at its best.
Happy writing Star.
Regards,
Sumeet
29th Jun 2012 2:48pm
To be honored by your words! Thank you.
Never go back. Although I would love to have you see that one, if it's the one I am thinking. :) I was rather proud of it. This is a quick jot and that was me standing on a limb.
The last two lines are my favorite, and I hope have some of the effect on the reader that they have on me.
Thank you for your presence.
Never go back. Although I would love to have you see that one, if it's the one I am thinking. :) I was rather proud of it. This is a quick jot and that was me standing on a limb.
The last two lines are my favorite, and I hope have some of the effect on the reader that they have on me.
Thank you for your presence.
29th Jun 2012 1:11pm
Very deep. Everything is to much. Give most. Keep a little for yourself ;).. I liked the fact that you turned hell cold. The obvious would be to say hot. But I like the twist. Nice poem doll
29th Jun 2012 2:51pm
Ah, if only this situation were that simple. I do know exactly what you are saying, my dear, and I am trying. ;)
I think hell must be cold, and lonely. To me that is much more frightening.
Thank you for your moments, love.
I think hell must be cold, and lonely. To me that is much more frightening.
Thank you for your moments, love.
30th Jun 2012 1:57am
The situation is as simple as this my friend...you cant give everything....cannot...because everything isnt yours to give...it is a hard truth to come to terms with...but really think about it...if someone cannot be happy withen themselves no amount of our sacrifice will even matter...im sorry you are in,pain..."goes to your hell with you, sits beside you and raps my arms gently around you, offering every bit of warmth I have to offer“ for all that it matters, you make me happy ;) I get all giddy and exited when I see ur online, or I have a message from you, or yOu posted a new poem. your mind is beautiful....and im saying that in every meaning of the word beauty...exceptional....breathtaking....stands out among all others...brings joy with its presence...truly beautiful...and I feel priveledged on every occasion you bestow its contents upon me...you are an amazing person love...you do not deserve hell at all...but if it is what you choose then please, allow me the priveledge of sharing it with you ;)
I am guilty for not commenting much, but sometimes, like now, I just have to.
"Even if I must
let the tears fall,
my heart break,
myself go
to do it."
I did that. It took me years to learn that someone else's happiness wasn't my job, or my cross to bare.
Compelling piece. :)
XxXx
"Even if I must
let the tears fall,
my heart break,
myself go
to do it."
I did that. It took me years to learn that someone else's happiness wasn't my job, or my cross to bare.
Compelling piece. :)
XxXx
2nd Aug 2012 3:35pm
I am guilty of the same. Sometimes it's hard to find the words. I often relate to your work as well. It's even harder, but more important to express it then, I think.
At any rate, I am honored to have struck a cord with you, Rachel.
At any rate, I am honored to have struck a cord with you, Rachel.
4th Sep 2012 6:10am
I was compelled to see who you were, I didn't really have a good reason just a feeling. it would appear that we are simular in nature and apptitude, I wear my feelings on my sleeves so I get hurt easy, but I hide it. Like you I am a romantic at heart, I've always been in love with love,unfortunately that's not a common occurance,
wHEN i FIRST GOT PARALYZED i THOUGHT MY LIFE WAS OVER, NOW i REALIZE THAT IF i HAD NOT GONE THROUGH THE THINGS I WENT THROUGH, I WOULDN'T BE THE PERSON I AM TODAY, THE PERSON IN LOVE WITH THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS, I ALWAYS TELL HER,HONEY IF YOU DIE STAY WERE YOU ARE AND I'LL BE THEIR IN JUST A SECOND, Sabbath
wHEN i FIRST GOT PARALYZED i THOUGHT MY LIFE WAS OVER, NOW i REALIZE THAT IF i HAD NOT GONE THROUGH THE THINGS I WENT THROUGH, I WOULDN'T BE THE PERSON I AM TODAY, THE PERSON IN LOVE WITH THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS, I ALWAYS TELL HER,HONEY IF YOU DIE STAY WERE YOU ARE AND I'LL BE THEIR IN JUST A SECOND, Sabbath
