chills

read as if the day is normal
library
there why?
forget
people bustling around
normalcy
the voice the tones
thought it real
long for your sweetness
kindness friend sister trusted
chills went up
we aren't speakable
could you lay your pride down your anger
is it so
turning head
knew it wrong before sight
you...
in moments
saw though
knew it to good to be true

make something beautiful with mind
normal
but this was not willed
works of a demented lonely cold loveless soul
lost undeniably
plagued by mind of rot
conjured up lies to save self
but this isn't in hands willed

said always
when you can tell the difference is ok
but couldn't
mistake it for seconds to be real
it was that face
mind could never duplicate that smile
know it to well

never spoke to it
when one can't tell reality and lies from this world they are lost
are they really?
couldn't go though with suicide
pathetic
couldn't get over the past
ill willed weakling
couldn't maintain a 3.0 in academics
worthless waste of space

history of self hate to force self stronger
... or hurt all that could be hurt and lived with
every action has a reaction
and all the curtly father bullying alexa tala it came out one way

but this was bottled up
clean=better improvement its going to be ok
no
clean=it must come out another way
mind is rot

this though its not in control
its not my doing but its myself
is it better to live in a world of fake reality or suffer the real thing head on?
i'm stuck on this ride now
either way