deepundergroundpoetry.com
"Get Up Bitch!"
Self doubt confounds me
i feel like i'm stumbling
about blindfolded
where stagnant air
hangs heavy over my head
choking me with dust filled clouds
of self mockery.
i have an alter ego
i've tied her tonuge
swept her under the carpet
though i can hear her now
shadowing my steps
she's catching up with me
talking to me silently through a stitched mouth
"Get up bitch and do something!"
She tears at her binds
that i thought strangled her
"I will take control!"
Her mouth bleeding at the corners
she's ripped the stitches
screaming now with a wicked smirk on her face
she is crashing down on me now
i feel empowered and enslaved at the same time
dangerous lady that she is
gives me voice when i'm too meek to utter a word.
Like thunder her thoughts
crash down upon my head
like a whirlwind
defending me now
she stands proud inside my shoes
I find I'm free confounded no more
set free by my alter ego seeing this lady is me
razor sharp not the candy coated bullshit i pretend to be.
i feel like i'm stumbling
about blindfolded
where stagnant air
hangs heavy over my head
choking me with dust filled clouds
of self mockery.
i have an alter ego
i've tied her tonuge
swept her under the carpet
though i can hear her now
shadowing my steps
she's catching up with me
talking to me silently through a stitched mouth
"Get up bitch and do something!"
She tears at her binds
that i thought strangled her
"I will take control!"
Her mouth bleeding at the corners
she's ripped the stitches
screaming now with a wicked smirk on her face
she is crashing down on me now
i feel empowered and enslaved at the same time
dangerous lady that she is
gives me voice when i'm too meek to utter a word.
Like thunder her thoughts
crash down upon my head
like a whirlwind
defending me now
she stands proud inside my shoes
I find I'm free confounded no more
set free by my alter ego seeing this lady is me
razor sharp not the candy coated bullshit i pretend to be.
Published 10th Jun 2012
| Edited 19th Apr 2014
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 16
reading list entries 5
comments 28
reads 1299
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
10th Jun 2012 7:41pm
10th Jun 2012 8:51pm
20th Apr 2014 3:54pm
10th Jun 2012 8:31pm
10th Jun 2012 8:34pm
10th Jun 2012 8:51pm
This poem is breathtaking!! I know how you feel, for I was the meek girl, the quiet wallflower. My alter ego caught up to me as well and, for better or worse, the bitch is in control. We are in control I guess, no longer fading into the background. Your poem is very revalent to myself. Your flow is very good. I will be putting this in my reading list. I'm a new poet on here, please feel free to stop by and comment a few of my poems for me. I look forward to your critiquing. Thank you,
AlwaysCaliban
AlwaysCaliban
10th Jun 2012 9:29pm
ty for the lovely comment..it's better when the bitch is in charge instead of the meek one right? I'll be checking out your poems the first one I read showed a real talented lady..peace Crim
10th Jun 2012 9:04pm
Life's too short not to make yourself heard.
"screaming now with a wicked smirk on her face"
Wonderful write, fuck cages, let it all out. Be you. Don't second guess. I loved this, keep doing what your doing because it's clearly worth being done.
"screaming now with a wicked smirk on her face"
Wonderful write, fuck cages, let it all out. Be you. Don't second guess. I loved this, keep doing what your doing because it's clearly worth being done.
ty Duncan for the insightful comment I loved what you said "fuck cages, let it all out" there's a glitch it won't let me give you a thumbs up on your comment i'll try again later.. ty peace Crim
10th Jun 2012 9:51pm
Nice offering. A few spelling picks and a couple of form questions.
where stagnent air (stagnant)
chocking me with dust filled clouds (choking)
i've tied her tounge (tongue) (Oh, and you've kept the I capitalized the entire time, should you not keep that form and cap I've?)
"Get up bitch and do some thing!" (something, one word)
She tears at her binds
that I thought I hung her with (hanged. A picture is hung, a human is hanged)
gives me voice when i'm too meek to utter a word.
(Again. When you have a singular "I" you capitalize it. When you turn it into a contraction, you lower case it. Because of the reading, that doesn't give way to an alter-ego awakening, it just kind of looks like... weirdness. It would be cool if you started with small "i"s in all circumstances, both stand-alone and contractions, and then shifted as she took over and became the dominent mind. Just a thought/question.)
I find i'm free confounded no more (Again, the I and I'm)
Happy writing,
Betty
where stagnent air (stagnant)
chocking me with dust filled clouds (choking)
i've tied her tounge (tongue) (Oh, and you've kept the I capitalized the entire time, should you not keep that form and cap I've?)
"Get up bitch and do some thing!" (something, one word)
She tears at her binds
that I thought I hung her with (hanged. A picture is hung, a human is hanged)
gives me voice when i'm too meek to utter a word.
(Again. When you have a singular "I" you capitalize it. When you turn it into a contraction, you lower case it. Because of the reading, that doesn't give way to an alter-ego awakening, it just kind of looks like... weirdness. It would be cool if you started with small "i"s in all circumstances, both stand-alone and contractions, and then shifted as she took over and became the dominent mind. Just a thought/question.)
I find i'm free confounded no more (Again, the I and I'm)
Happy writing,
Betty
ty Betty for your honest critique i've edited as you advised ..ty again for such a detailed critique..there's a glitch I can't thumbs up your comment i'll try again later.. as I appreciate it..peace Crim
10th Jun 2012 10:16pm
Such vivid imagery gives this write much clarity, a great conquer and overcome poem, much strength.... Excellent pen.
10th Jun 2012 10:50pm
Anonymous
- Edited 10th Jun 2012 11:34pm
10th Jun 2012 11:33pm
A chilling piece Crim of dark self-reflection. I love the imagery of the stitched lips, like she's a evil, haunted rag-doll alter-image/ego. This piece is very similar to my worst nightmare. I'm still scared of mirrors in the dark, afraid of what I'll see and this piece took me there.
Peace, Indie
Peace, Indie
11th Jun 2012 3:57am
Yes my alter is dark but she gives my strength when I need it..ty for such a insightful comment..I feel you on not wanting to look in those dark mirrors afraid of what you might see..ty again..peace Crim :)
10th Jun 2012 11:34pm
I so love deep works of introspection, outstanding! Sometimes we all need a good kick in the ass, and who better than ourselves to give the boot to the behind? JJ
11th Jun 2012 4:01am
ty JJ for such a thoughtful comment..yes my alter does kick me in the behind and reminds me i'm stronger than I think I am at times..wishing you peace Crim :)
Anonymous
12th Jun 2012 2:31am
Outstanding work as all the readers above have noted.
Your fan
Peace
Kitty
Your fan
Peace
Kitty
12th Jun 2012 6:51pm
13th Jun 2012 2:33am
13th Jun 2012 2:42pm
18th Jun 2012 7:38am
18th Jun 2012 6:15pm
ty Villian for the comment..what motivated me was the lady in my head who screams at me from time to time..peace Crim
Anonymous
18th Jun 2012 7:00pm
I don't think you need the first verse. The second is so strong and memorable that I think it would be a much better opening. The first verse feels basically like setup, and in my opinion throwing the reader straight into the action would be more effective.
The capitalisation is sporadic. Sometimes you have lower case singular "I"s, and sometimes upper.
A lot of this poem is really compelling and powerful. I like the idea of restraining one's alter ego, and you convey the battle between the egos very well. Critique is JMHO. Thanks for the read Crimsin.
The capitalisation is sporadic. Sometimes you have lower case singular "I"s, and sometimes upper.
A lot of this poem is really compelling and powerful. I like the idea of restraining one's alter ego, and you convey the battle between the egos very well. Critique is JMHO. Thanks for the read Crimsin.
18th Jun 2012 7:11pm
Thank You Jack for your honest Critique the i's are lower case in an attempt to emphasize the weaker ego and in caps to emphasize the more powerful ego..I tried to thumbs up your critique but there is a glitch that won't all me to i'll try again later as I appreciate it..as for the opening line I see your point but the lovely Indie recited this poem for me as it is so I feel the need to leave it..ty again Jack for the kind comment..wishing you peace Crim :)
19th Apr 2014 9:39pm
It's powerful, gives off a sense of bullying yourself. Overall, a simply great work. It is a very emotionally strong choice, which makes it a great entry into the competition.
20th Apr 2014 3:53pm
