deepundergroundpoetry.com
Shhh... it won't be ok
Think before you answer.
Unlike me who'll shoot my mouth off like an unhinged laser blaster.
What the hells happened to me I've become a disaster.
Spiral goes both ways but down is so much faster.
Under my own spell oblivious that I'm the caster.
Adept at insanity soon I'll be a master.
Pressing all the buttons just to see what they do.
While everyone looks at me like I'm missing a screw.
Used to the distortion then blinded by the view.
Chasing down illusions finding none to pursue.
Perhaps I shouldn't listen then act like that I knew.
If I just said nothing it would still be untrue.
Unlike me who'll shoot my mouth off like an unhinged laser blaster.
What the hells happened to me I've become a disaster.
Spiral goes both ways but down is so much faster.
Under my own spell oblivious that I'm the caster.
Adept at insanity soon I'll be a master.
Pressing all the buttons just to see what they do.
While everyone looks at me like I'm missing a screw.
Used to the distortion then blinded by the view.
Chasing down illusions finding none to pursue.
Perhaps I shouldn't listen then act like that I knew.
If I just said nothing it would still be untrue.
Published 17th Sep 2024
Author's Note
Inane ramblings
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
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comments 3
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
17th Sep 2024 7:40pm
I loved the frantic approach to this poem. The rhymes are lethal here. Great!! What I like is that the sentences keep building & building. Nice work Ryan.
17th Sep 2024 7:53pm
Yesterday 5:04am
This is good, my dude. It shows me that you can construct a rhyme in technicality, as well as meaning, and pull off your own style. You handled the concepts and execution quite well, and the theme unraveled in a nice, concise way, and was easy to read and relate to. Overall, I'd say pat yourself on the back for this one - You have a lot of potential in how you manage to shift through dualities. The nature of deception, addiction, losing one's mind, as well as pessimistic or negative traits of what you feel are uniquely conveyed. Good job at that. It's great that you carried your depiction all throughout. With rhyming, that can be difficult. Bravo.
