this feminine rage

My anger scares you
it's not pretty or delicate
doesn't fit within the fantasy
you've built around me
though I've always been fire

I remind you of your psycho mother
who tried to fell your father with an axe
and blow up his car
after he'd moved on
from their crazy toxic relationship

It doesn't matter that I'm not psychotic
that I've never raised a hand to you
or an axe
or tried to blow up your car

The pitch of my rage rings alarm bells
in your head
and it's easier to throw sand in my face
to try and put out the fires within me
than pry me open
and see why I fucking burn

The words
calm down
start an explosion in my head
because no I will not fucking calm down
when I'm entitled to the full scope
of my emotions
even the ugly ones
even the ones that scare you
especially the ones that scare me

My anger scares you
it's not pretty or delicate
doesn't fit within the fantasy
you've built around me
though I've always been fire

I won't put myself out for you
I won't put myself out for anyone
when I'm allowed this fucking rage