SUBMITTING POEM

you know Solomon I don't read people's erotica...but I sometimes write them not with someone in mind but because of my insecurity with body shaming I repress my sexuality in life and let my fantasies go free here...well fantasies and delusions because my body was scarred early in the war with the world a world I don't fit in because of past traumas or ptsd...I started slouching when I was ten because of my mistrust of women... they had hurt me and I was made to feel less than now when the abandonment or hurt response and having sisters fail me by breaking my trust as friends I am devastated because I really still hold out hope that this one won't.in my imagination at three I heard the Father's voice and imagined my mom wasn't gone and it wasn't midnight and I lost my way back to the apartment...my fragile ptsd mind makes alternate realities they called it schizo when I was twenty seven because I was coming cold off methadone and was non verbal after I failed my children trying to stand up for them....I broke and quit methadone cold since that was the last obstcle in the way they said but when people of power in this world stand against you I found out justice sometimes takes longer than you think...my mind broke my kids abused in a so-called up standing Christian hands and my ex in prison I snapped when I tested for three solid years without having a dirty after I had proven to a da investigator of the abuse the Christian man who appeared nice threatened me if I didn't stand down mt kids would be taken permantely I stood still my kids weren't the only ones there as foster kids...the report by the DA investigator failed my chances at getting my kids home failed they took my visits away then I snapped ending up in the psych ward coming off a substance that could have killed me given a bogus diagnosis and forced on Thorazine...I was broken... not schizo from great trauma it wasn't until the other boy committed suicide and was reported to have ptsd from living in that home that cps gave me a lame apology but I was broken the damage done and I doubted my own instincts as a mom broken I met my current husband.... sorry solomon that's what your sexy poem inspired pain I repress it a lot cause I can't fix the world and it's broken.

You are certainly stimulating to my poetic imagination sometimes too.