reflections of teenage love

I cringe at the thought
of being engaged at 18
like marriage would have
made our broken love whole
like I didn't punish you with silence
and you didn't hurt me
with your wandering hands

I thought I could force forever
into an eternal rose
gifted to your heart
I thought if I could learn
to love you better
you wouldn't find solace
in other lips and fingertips

I didn't know then
that I wasn't at fault
for they way your broke
every hollow promise
to love me and me alone

I spent the next decade believing
I wasn't enough
that I was the broken one
because every new love I let into my bed
turned to cheat

It took too long to realise
I only chose them
because they reminded me
of you

And reinforce the notion
that I wasn't worthy of Iove