Wisdom from Ashes

Sensuality for her is not only a wave of pleasure in which she is bathed, and a charge of electric joy at contact with another. When man lies in her womb, she is fulfilled, each act of love a taking of man within her, an act of birth and rebirth… Anais Nin    
   
Nin paints a vivid picture of connections that go beyond physicality, delving into the realms of fulfillment and rebirth.    
   
When I read this, a truth surfaced within me. The quest for fulfillment in the arms of men has become habitual, a pursuit that often leaves me yearning for something more. The emptiness persists despite the fleeting waves of ecstatic pleasure and moments of connection with another human. It seems that fulfillment slips through our fingers even though they're clasped tightly. In the shadows of my bedroom amid the smells of spent bodies, the realization lurks that my womb still yearns for substance beyond men.    
   
My life took a turn to seek fullness in other ways last year, I began to use drugs. I never stopped seeking the fullness physical love might bring but enhanced my seeking with self-medicating that only led down the path of addiction. The place this path ends I think I know.