deepundergroundpoetry.com
Winter Sky
Days of pewter winter skies
in their lonesome denial.
That trees are now in
their skeletal demise.
The world looks haggard,
as the crow hunts and flies.
My mind loitered with
decayed yesterdays,
and their lingering goodbye.
I, like the crow, have hunted
my mind for you a million times.
Your remaining ghostly vibrations
entwined in my rhymes.
My heart is pewter in a skeletal cage of demise.
Look into my winter eyes.
My dead gray empty stare.
Ready to cry the pure snow,
of finally letting go.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 10
reading list entries 5
comments 16
reads 248
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Re. Winter Sky
5th Dec 2023 2:28pm
Re: Re. Winter Sky
5th Dec 2023 2:43pm
Re. Winter Sky
5th Dec 2023 2:33pm
This reads like classic poetry, from the imagery of color and (apt) skeletal trees to the circle you form with the beginning and end This one is extra good.
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Re: Re. Winter Sky
5th Dec 2023 2:44pm
Re. Winter Sky
5th Dec 2023 3:09pm
PD has a sharp eye!
This certainly does have a classic, or neoclassical quality of stateliness to it that is simultaneously sad, yet elegant.
Even the textual arrangement hints at the verticality of a fluted marble column!
This certainly does have a classic, or neoclassical quality of stateliness to it that is simultaneously sad, yet elegant.
Even the textual arrangement hints at the verticality of a fluted marble column!
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Re: Re. Winter Sky
5th Dec 2023 6:34pm
Wow, that makes me so happy. Thanks so much for your feedback, it was exciting for me.
Re. Winter Sky
5th Dec 2023 4:34pm
Re: Re. Winter Sky
5th Dec 2023 6:36pm
Thank you, u made me cry good tears. I feel the same way about your writing. Your work inspires my own. 💜
Re. Winter Sky
5th Dec 2023 7:29pm
Re: Re. Winter Sky
5th Dec 2023 7:31pm
Re. Winter Sky
Re: Re. Winter Sky
5th Dec 2023 8:16pm
Hi Faith! Thank you so very much.
Writing isn't coming as easy to me lately because I'm under a lot of stress caring for my mom. So to hear nice feedback really means a lot to me. I feel like I'm still part of the community.
Writing isn't coming as easy to me lately because I'm under a lot of stress caring for my mom. So to hear nice feedback really means a lot to me. I feel like I'm still part of the community.
Re. Winter Sky
5th Dec 2023 11:36pm
This has a lot of elements that mix together to capture the essence and feel of both an environmental, as well as emotional, atmosphere. Solid use of metaphor and like analogy to depict the feel of the narrative. As always, I can really tell you have a deep appreciation for nature. There is a sense of tragedy, sadness, melancholy, and prolonged heartache, as the theme transitions. The direction has a nice course and flow, and keeps, at least me, the reader wondering with each unraveling turn of the story or unfolding of the poem. Excellent and original expressions. It's like you've both pained and yearned to get this off your chest. I can really see how you could do well in painting or drawing or working with something visual, as you've quite a vivid and lucid imagination. You seem to relate that quite well in how you feel and have pieced together quite a poem here. Anyway, I can tell you're getting more and more talented. This is one of your better ones that I've read so far, in that it's that good. Those are just some of the things I saw as the reader. In fact, again, all of the metaphorical disposition in this is solid. Thanks for sharing, and I'll see you around!
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Re: Re. Winter Sky
6th Dec 2023 2:03am
Thank you. That was truly so nice. When I read your comment I can see you really understood my feelings behind what I wrote. I cannot even tell you how much your feedback means, the despair I'm enduring with my mom, makes me not so confident as a writer. I'm very humbled & surprised people liked this one, lol
I'll be waiting for something from you.... ♟️
I'll be waiting for something from you.... ♟️
Re. Winter Sky
6th Dec 2023 9:15pm
I agree with Pinkdreams
This has the feel of classic poetry through and through.
Just simply amazing.
Love it!!
This has the feel of classic poetry through and through.
Just simply amazing.
Love it!!
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Re: Re. Winter Sky
6th Dec 2023 11:57pm
Thank you, so very nice of you!
I really appreciate the feedback.
Have a great night!
I really appreciate the feedback.
Have a great night!